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for Torch

7/15/2014 c1 97rust phoenix
This is incredibly beautiful. The repetition of images of sand, rice, and ash creates an extremely sensory yet transitory effect. The flow of syllables and of images into one another is gorgeous.
6/29/2014 c1 2dragonflydreamer
I love the punctuation and line breaks in this. Very sporadic, but the unusual syncopation does wonders for the meaning. I'm not sure quit how to put this, but it finds a very nice balance between the abstraction of your images and the beauty of the words themselves.

The imagery is amazing, too. It keeps coming back to fire and sand. Even though you never use the word "dry," that's the strongest image. I just get this incredible image of a shrunken and dried embryo covered in blood. Lovely, huh?

A couple nitpicky things:

[you throw to the morning birds/he gathers them up like sin] Seems like there should be a comma at the linebreak.

[a child with eyelids/swollen and always. He wants to run] I didn't understand that grammatically. It almost seemed like the thought was "Always. He wants to run." but as your sentences have otherwise made grammatical sense, I'm not sure what "eyelids swollen and always" means.
6/9/2014 c1 277electrical moon
Wow, this is gorgeous. It's been a while since I've read on fictionpress, but your poetry is always a good place to pick up. Beatiful imagery and rhythm as usual, and I loooove the repetition.
6/9/2014 c1 4DeanWinchester'sDreamGirl
Very interesting imagery brought to life in this wonderfully written poem! I enjoyed reading it.

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