for Buttercups make your chin glow yellow7/27/2015 c1 yaraaaa
I really like your story to be honest but I just don't like how the chapters are really short. Other than that freat job on working on this story and update soon.
I really like your story to be honest but I just don't like how the chapters are really short. Other than that freat job on working on this story and update soon.
4/29/2015 c22 Sasha
Oh... so what's Kale gonna do now?
Poor Estelle - Neil didn't seem like that originally!... :/
getting more steamy!
Please update soon!
Oh... so what's Kale gonna do now?
Poor Estelle - Neil didn't seem like that originally!... :/
getting more steamy!
Please update soon!
4/15/2015 c1 Guest
What happened to chapter 20?!
What happened to chapter 20?!
4/13/2015 c1 
90Timbo Slice
While I like your vivid description in the opening paragraph I would warn against making it too "purple prosy", that is stylized wordings with no real substance behind them when simplicity would have worked just as well. Luckily the personification of the flower being the main character makes the descriptions feel more genuine in regards to the story. I really liked his you managed to personify a non sentient life form like a flower and tell a story through its eyes, real clever use of words and descriptions for the bee and ants. A little more would've been nice but since this is just the prologue I'm sure the story would be fleshed out more.
90Timbo SliceWhile I like your vivid description in the opening paragraph I would warn against making it too "purple prosy", that is stylized wordings with no real substance behind them when simplicity would have worked just as well. Luckily the personification of the flower being the main character makes the descriptions feel more genuine in regards to the story. I really liked his you managed to personify a non sentient life form like a flower and tell a story through its eyes, real clever use of words and descriptions for the bee and ants. A little more would've been nice but since this is just the prologue I'm sure the story would be fleshed out more.
4/13/2015 c1 43LuckycoolHawk9
I liked the way this story started with the water because it came to show an interesting development of life itself and how water can become beings. I also liked the vivid descriptions because it allows us to get intertwined with the scenes and to feel like part of the action. I also liked the final line because it comes to infer the characters fate. I however disliked the fact that you were messing commas in some places because it disrupted the flow of the story. Otherwise, great prologue,
43LuckycoolHawk9I liked the way this story started with the water because it came to show an interesting development of life itself and how water can become beings. I also liked the vivid descriptions because it allows us to get intertwined with the scenes and to feel like part of the action. I also liked the final line because it comes to infer the characters fate. I however disliked the fact that you were messing commas in some places because it disrupted the flow of the story. Otherwise, great prologue,
4/1/2015 c17 Sasha
Like this story a lot :)
Its gud and interesting. Please keep going!
Like this story a lot :)
Its gud and interesting. Please keep going!
3/17/2015 c1 m. b. whitlock
Review Return
Buttercups make your chin glow yellow Chapter 1
This is a very unique way to start a story. Aside from a short piece by Virginia Woolf, I don’t know of another work where the pov is that of a flower. I also find it interesting that the buttercup is a ‘she’. Most flowers contain both female and male gametes. Also the bee that visits the flower could only be female because all worker bees are and the ant ‘fellow’ would also essentially be female because worker ants are female as well. Of course these gender distinctions don’t make a whole lot of sense because worker bees and ants are not capable of reproduction so they are in effect neuter.
Okay, end of tangent. ;)
I have a few notes:
Like the visual imagery you use in the opening paragraph:
“Beads of water *dotting* the grasses and wildflowers like gems, sparkling as they caught the low rays.”
I would change “dotting” to ‘dotted’ though, makes the “Beads of water” the active subject of the sentence (otherwise it’s incomplete because you are missing a subject). :)
Fun personification here:
“She warmed her yellow face in the sun, wearing her pentamerous crown with pride.”
Also I like your use of ‘pentamerous’. Looked it up and it’s such a cool word. :D
Like the funkiness going on here:
“She was moved towards caverness hairy and moist pits when a rush of air pulled at her and almost sucked her into the black oblivion.”
It will be interesting to see where you go with this.
vb,
mbw
Review Return
Buttercups make your chin glow yellow Chapter 1
This is a very unique way to start a story. Aside from a short piece by Virginia Woolf, I don’t know of another work where the pov is that of a flower. I also find it interesting that the buttercup is a ‘she’. Most flowers contain both female and male gametes. Also the bee that visits the flower could only be female because all worker bees are and the ant ‘fellow’ would also essentially be female because worker ants are female as well. Of course these gender distinctions don’t make a whole lot of sense because worker bees and ants are not capable of reproduction so they are in effect neuter.
Okay, end of tangent. ;)
I have a few notes:
Like the visual imagery you use in the opening paragraph:
“Beads of water *dotting* the grasses and wildflowers like gems, sparkling as they caught the low rays.”
I would change “dotting” to ‘dotted’ though, makes the “Beads of water” the active subject of the sentence (otherwise it’s incomplete because you are missing a subject). :)
Fun personification here:
“She warmed her yellow face in the sun, wearing her pentamerous crown with pride.”
Also I like your use of ‘pentamerous’. Looked it up and it’s such a cool word. :D
Like the funkiness going on here:
“She was moved towards caverness hairy and moist pits when a rush of air pulled at her and almost sucked her into the black oblivion.”
It will be interesting to see where you go with this.
vb,
mbw
3/10/2015 c1 yaraaaa
OMG what a cliffhanger, great chapter. please update soon!
OMG what a cliffhanger, great chapter. please update soon!
3/8/2015 c1 yaraaaa
omg i love your story, please update soon
omg i love your story, please update soon
6/29/2014 c1 crazy chick
I like where this story is going, please continute it.
I like where this story is going, please continute it.