for Her Gift7/11/2014 c1 
4Stereophonic Aftershock
The premise is... interesting. It's not exactly new or original, but that doesn't mean that it can't be good.
One of the major downsides to this is that the abuse is incredibly gratuitous. It's just completely out of nowhere, and just seems to be there because 'this is how they're affected by her death'. There's no real build up, and it's not handled tactfully.
The main conflict here just happens because no one talks about anything realistically. It sounds forced. Plus, giving John his dead wife's diary on FATHER'S DAY? That's just like if she were to say 'Merry Christmas, Dad! Here, Mum wrote this before she died! I feel like depressing you today, when you clearly aren't over her death!'
The death of a parent, as well as abuse, has to be written tastefully and tactfully, so there's got to be the appropriate build-up, the appropriate pay-off, the appropriate language, and the appropriate narrative.
Then there's the 'You will be punished,' and John leaving the room line. That's worded very badly; it makes it look as though he's punishing her by leaving the room.
'Dad, I have news that might cheer you up. It's about Mom.'
Yes, talking about a dead relative is the best way to cheer someone up. That line just sums up the problem, really.
4Stereophonic AftershockThe premise is... interesting. It's not exactly new or original, but that doesn't mean that it can't be good.
One of the major downsides to this is that the abuse is incredibly gratuitous. It's just completely out of nowhere, and just seems to be there because 'this is how they're affected by her death'. There's no real build up, and it's not handled tactfully.
The main conflict here just happens because no one talks about anything realistically. It sounds forced. Plus, giving John his dead wife's diary on FATHER'S DAY? That's just like if she were to say 'Merry Christmas, Dad! Here, Mum wrote this before she died! I feel like depressing you today, when you clearly aren't over her death!'
The death of a parent, as well as abuse, has to be written tastefully and tactfully, so there's got to be the appropriate build-up, the appropriate pay-off, the appropriate language, and the appropriate narrative.
Then there's the 'You will be punished,' and John leaving the room line. That's worded very badly; it makes it look as though he's punishing her by leaving the room.
'Dad, I have news that might cheer you up. It's about Mom.'
Yes, talking about a dead relative is the best way to cheer someone up. That line just sums up the problem, really.