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for The Galactic Graveyard

7/21/2014 c2 2S. D. Forogar
As always, my good and my bad!

The GOOD: Primarily, the vocabulary, imagery and decent (but not overwhelming) level of detail enthralled me. I fully admit to this being the most impressive work I've read in the former category to date, as of this review, and do commend the author for wording. As far as the detail, I must admit to it lacking in a few areas, but I find that it actually accentuates those places wherein detail is more emphasized, rather than detracting from them. I will give additional praise for the story as it appears thus far; despite reservations, and a weak summary, I was surprised and pleased.

The BAD: Three-fold, I found equal distaste with the dialogue, the many instances of errors which distracted me while I was attempting to immerse myself in the story, and the sheer nonsensical or repulsive aspects of the main characters, such as Burrows' unusual and immediate recovery from shock into his former, analytical self following the climactic events in Ch-1.

The dialogue, I was not fond of simply because it seemed highly-forced and altogether weak. In some instances, it was as if the characters were 'breaking the fourth wall' and 'telling the audience' plot elements that they, themselves, CLEARLY were both familiar with at the time. Despite a few lines I found impressive or comedic, for the most part I was unimpressed with this element of the piece in question.

In conclusion, this is a piece I would recommend for its powerful imagery and vocabulary. However, despite its goodness, it needs some refining and rewriting to truly be considered 'great.'
7/6/2014 c1 4D. W. Tyn
Wow, this was pretty cool for a first chapter. Professor Burrows is now my newest favorite character of yours. I can't wait for the next chapter.

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