for Dear Mr Farely7/14/2014 c2 
13Whisperedthing
I meant to review this as soon as I saw in my email that it'd come out. Sorry, definitely a busy weekend for me! Anyways, this is definitely an improvement! Reading is much smoother than the first part and there's nothing that jumps out as "random" in this chapter.
This is ESPECIALLY relatable to me. While I was a math whiz until fourth grade, as soon as they introduced letters I was completely lost. I never did get a "real" tutor and never had set days, but you can bet I was all over my friends who understood, begging them to teach me.
I love how melodramatic she is. It adds humor and easily creates drama. I also like how you brought in Noah being home all alone for hours. Definitely adds the realism that breaks away from the light-heartedness.
Not much to say really, I loved this chapter and am especially excited to see what happens! From the last two lines, I feel like something really good is going to happen. Possibly angsty.
13WhisperedthingI meant to review this as soon as I saw in my email that it'd come out. Sorry, definitely a busy weekend for me! Anyways, this is definitely an improvement! Reading is much smoother than the first part and there's nothing that jumps out as "random" in this chapter.
This is ESPECIALLY relatable to me. While I was a math whiz until fourth grade, as soon as they introduced letters I was completely lost. I never did get a "real" tutor and never had set days, but you can bet I was all over my friends who understood, begging them to teach me.
I love how melodramatic she is. It adds humor and easily creates drama. I also like how you brought in Noah being home all alone for hours. Definitely adds the realism that breaks away from the light-heartedness.
Not much to say really, I loved this chapter and am especially excited to see what happens! From the last two lines, I feel like something really good is going to happen. Possibly angsty.
7/8/2014 c1 Whisperedthing
You captured the innocence [and the extremity] of children perfectly in this story. It definitely made me laugh and reminded me of some of what I did as a kid [I had a tendency to lock my door with my light up scooter when I was mad] and I always hated my sisters when they ripped the heads off my Barbie dolls.
You had a good range of vocabulary in this story and a nice flow too, but definitely try to stay on point. I know kids ramble and have long-winded explanations for things and tend to add in random points, but I found the part with Miss Mole kind of unnecessary and felt confused reading the sentences with her. Why was she stuck with Miss Mole? How was she attractive if she had a huge mole on her lip? How was she the most beautiful woman...because of the size of her mole? You know? And it was put in the middle of a story about Noah and this girl where it served no purpose.
I think I'd like to see her incorporated in later chapters with more background. Maybe in a classroom setting.
And this is probably just a personal preference but I'd like to see breaks to warn the readers the scene is changing.
Aside from that, I honestly really liked this story and can't wait to see where it goes.
You captured the innocence [and the extremity] of children perfectly in this story. It definitely made me laugh and reminded me of some of what I did as a kid [I had a tendency to lock my door with my light up scooter when I was mad] and I always hated my sisters when they ripped the heads off my Barbie dolls.
You had a good range of vocabulary in this story and a nice flow too, but definitely try to stay on point. I know kids ramble and have long-winded explanations for things and tend to add in random points, but I found the part with Miss Mole kind of unnecessary and felt confused reading the sentences with her. Why was she stuck with Miss Mole? How was she attractive if she had a huge mole on her lip? How was she the most beautiful woman...because of the size of her mole? You know? And it was put in the middle of a story about Noah and this girl where it served no purpose.
I think I'd like to see her incorporated in later chapters with more background. Maybe in a classroom setting.
And this is probably just a personal preference but I'd like to see breaks to warn the readers the scene is changing.
Aside from that, I honestly really liked this story and can't wait to see where it goes.
7/7/2014 c1 2Audrey M. Jennings
Hey everyone! Leave me comments, gimme some love, gimme some critiques!
Thanks for Reading
Yours truly,
Audrey
2Audrey M. JenningsHey everyone! Leave me comments, gimme some love, gimme some critiques!
Thanks for Reading
Yours truly,
Audrey