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for From Finner

7/31/2014 c1 2ransu
"The vast desert had turned slowly into rolling sandy hills that stretched into eternity, like Asha imagined the ocean would. She found the golden brown of the sand and the soft blue of the sky melding together, until she was walking on air, or maybe water. It was dreamlike." - Dehydrated dream visions!

Descriptive and colorful, with desert desolation and bad things happening to children. The struggle is real, and it was my favorite part of the chapter. Boy with fire powers, and I was actually hoping that one of the slave traders would be competent so the chase could have been more exciting (but it's fine). A nice ending moment of relief, but I was hoping for the airship. Still not sure if how the story will tilt (happy slice-of-laifu scenarios of children being on a really cool airship, or a desperate flight for survival (prob. the second (I'm hoping you keep the way you write it right now))).
7/27/2014 c2 12 Turtles
The writing and the story are both super good! The dialogue is really realistic. I liked how we saw from a different perspective at the beginning, but it was a little confusing when it switched to Tate's. Maybe just put a marker line there. (Like this - thing).
Great job so far. I can't wait to see where it goes!
7/26/2014 c2 15InsomniacOwl
No need to apologize for writing a long chapter, it's good stuff and a lot of people like to have a decent chunk of a chapter to dig into. On an unrelated note, I could have sworn I was following this but didn't receive and update yet, lucky I was just randomly checking the lists and found out you'd posted again! Anyway, a very good world-building chapter with the different regions, accents, locations and appearances seeded in there without using a massive info dump. I've got a good image in my head for how the Finner looks now, loving the idea of ladders all over the place, who needs a staircase? A lot of my questions about how the Finner runs and why it's crewed by children were answered too so that was a nice for writing and I'll look forward to reading more!
7/26/2014 c1 12 Turtles
This is good. You might want to split this into multiple chapters since it's rather long. There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing distracting. You could probably cut a few lines out of the arguments to make the pace quicker. I really want to learn more about the world, too! This is super cool so far.
P.S. I love Of Monsters and Men!
7/14/2014 c1 15InsomniacOwl
Wow this was a very enjoyable and tense read. I definitely felt invested in the survival of Asha and Tate and desperately wanted them to keep going and reach the sea, every trial was nerve-wracking. Particularly the close run in with the slavers, they were so tired and desperate for supplies and then that happened on top of everything else. The description of how Asha's vision started to blur with the heat stroke was strangely beautiful to read. There's a lot of things going on in the world of this story, monsters destroying villages, slavers, Tate's powers and titular airship piloted by children and all of these concepts interest me and compel me to read further to learn more so well done.

I'm personally a fan of Hayao Miyazaki myself and enjoy anything to do with airships or other flying structures so this story immediately caught my eye. I'll be looking forward to reading more of this! Hope this review was okay since I always worry if they're written well enough. Oh and I don't worry about returning a review, I'm perfectly fine without getting one back, I just wanted to review this! Thanks for an enjoyable read!

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