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10/27/2014 c3 9NovemberRose1
Come back and write more!
9/21/2014 c1 bellahey98
Pretty good, but I would work on capturing their voices with speech.
9/20/2014 c3 S Leaf
Hmm.. i'm curious to see where this is going. You hinted at Cinderella which is making me feel all real world fairytale stories, after all Alice does work for the family.
I really like your characters. You have an interesting cast here.
8/18/2014 c2 Autumn-ShinyDragon
Awesome written! good job :)
8/16/2014 c3 12Sindiya
That girl was so mean to her... booo... poor Alice.
8/16/2014 c3 3StarrySky7267
David...oh David. And Diana.
I think Clara has the right to say she doesn't like Diana, though. I don't know. Clara seems like a really mature kid
Looking forward to an update!
8/13/2014 c2 14ReawakenedNightmare
(My internet's been cutting out all day, so sorry ahead of time for the list rather than the traditional sentences. I wanna summit it before my internet throws a tantrum again. If something's confusing, PM me. I'll get back to you asap.)
- missing commas before some conjunctions
- vivid descriptions where you have them [thumbs up]
- unnecessary spaces after beginning quotes
- a lot of dialogue [can be boring to read] [with awkward wording at times]
8/12/2014 c2 dIVINErEDEMPTION
Great chapter, really interesting! Can't wait for the next one!
8/12/2014 c1 dIVINErEDEMPTION
Ooh, great start to the story, very mysterious and ambiguous, but ambiguous in a good way, it makes you want to read on...
8/11/2014 c2 12Sindiya
Nice strong female character that wants to change her life. I will definitely follow this story.
8/11/2014 c1 Sindiya
That introduction sent chills through me.
8/11/2014 c2 Dark fantasy2014
OMG! That guys is so totally hot! Like the typical Miami kinda guy! Accept that he should be on the beach with a pair of shorts and slippers, sun glasses on his forehead, and a few girls kissing him! And obviously with a bottle of Vodka at night. That's the kinda guy he is! Am i right or am I right? I know I'm right! Btw babe, it's a cool chapter! I bet he's gonna fall for her! hehehe!
8/11/2014 c1 Dark fantasy2014
Awesome chap my dear! I want to read more of ur stories! :)
8/9/2014 c2 2HB2000
This story is really good so far! I cannot wait to see what's going to happen, I'm really excited :)
8/8/2014 c2 10brittanyleewilton
It's a good story, but when the same person speaks it's on the same line/paragraph, not on a new one, that's only when new person speaks. In the first chapter after Alice's dream theirs a part that I don't know if it's the mother or the daughter speaking
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