for Home2/1/2015 c1 
7mwac
Jaz! Stop one on my review train!
the very first line caught my attention. The amount of description just in a few short sentences is fantastic.
Ahh! I love love, LOVE the name Annaleise! So pretty.
This is such an intriguing start to a story! I love the YA style stories, and you've created an interesting dystopian background.
Well thought out, and well written. Great first chapter!
7mwacJaz! Stop one on my review train!
the very first line caught my attention. The amount of description just in a few short sentences is fantastic.
Ahh! I love love, LOVE the name Annaleise! So pretty.
This is such an intriguing start to a story! I love the YA style stories, and you've created an interesting dystopian background.
Well thought out, and well written. Great first chapter!
11/22/2014 c6 31supernobodyhome
Nice chapter. Good describing both the setting and Addison. I look forward to seeing what that technology is for, and what if any skills Anna and Kieran subconsciously learned from the school.
31supernobodyhomeNice chapter. Good describing both the setting and Addison. I look forward to seeing what that technology is for, and what if any skills Anna and Kieran subconsciously learned from the school.
9/24/2014 c5 supernobodyhome
The whole matter of the gun seemed to be resolved a little too easy, or maybe quick is the word I'm looking for, but a little evidence of a small rift between Anna and Kieran because of it and something further down the line occur that forces her to submit to violence or use the gun to save Kieran, with her having the emotional turmoil of having to take a life really eating away at her for a chapter or two, before a shift in her state of mind to acceptance or even embrace would much more than make up for that tiny shortcoming, especially if Kieran has to snap her out of going somewhat psycho or becoming more violent then he has been currently out of necessity.
Sorry for the wall of text ;
The whole matter of the gun seemed to be resolved a little too easy, or maybe quick is the word I'm looking for, but a little evidence of a small rift between Anna and Kieran because of it and something further down the line occur that forces her to submit to violence or use the gun to save Kieran, with her having the emotional turmoil of having to take a life really eating away at her for a chapter or two, before a shift in her state of mind to acceptance or even embrace would much more than make up for that tiny shortcoming, especially if Kieran has to snap her out of going somewhat psycho or becoming more violent then he has been currently out of necessity.
Sorry for the wall of text ;
8/31/2014 c4 supernobodyhome
Good twist at the end. Looking forward to the guy's explanation for why he has a gun.
Good twist at the end. Looking forward to the guy's explanation for why he has a gun.
8/15/2014 c3 supernobodyhome
Good chapter. Interested to see where Anna and Kieran go from there after she gets a few things from her house.
Good chapter. Interested to see where Anna and Kieran go from there after she gets a few things from her house.
7/31/2014 c2 supernobodyhome
Seemed a bit short, and there were a couple of spelling mistakes, but overall a good job :)
Seemed a bit short, and there were a couple of spelling mistakes, but overall a good job :)
7/17/2014 c1 supernobodyhome
You've definitely gotten better at describing places, because I could just picture all of that like walking in on some natural disaster or a war zone after the fighting was done. I'd rate this a 6.5-7. To give a little perspective for that, my bro YARN that you've talked to usually puts out stuff at like 8-8.5, sometimes 9 on certain things, but even he will probably never get a 10 from me.
You did very good on this, and should be proud :)
How does Living Stones sound for a title? This is that one about the government taking away all creativity and everything right?
You've definitely gotten better at describing places, because I could just picture all of that like walking in on some natural disaster or a war zone after the fighting was done. I'd rate this a 6.5-7. To give a little perspective for that, my bro YARN that you've talked to usually puts out stuff at like 8-8.5, sometimes 9 on certain things, but even he will probably never get a 10 from me.
You did very good on this, and should be proud :)
How does Living Stones sound for a title? This is that one about the government taking away all creativity and everything right?