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for A Scary Storm

7/1/2018 c1 6mrsimera
So sweet, mellissa is a caring sister and she is like a mother too
6/6/2017 c1 frodo's sister
KL, thank you for showing me how I can make this story better.
6/2/2017 c1 Guest
Homosexual activity is a sin. There is proof in Leviticus 18:22 and the story of Sodom and Gomorah. It does not mean that it is ok to bully homosexual people.
5/28/2017 c1 KL
Pretty good, although I'd like to say that slash isn't immoral... It's quite natural; even gay lions exist. Incest might be immoral, yeah, but being gay...? So what?
But anyway. I'm not leaving a review just to tell you that.
Your writing has a good start, although you might want to fix the grammar around the dialogue. In addition, maybe spend a little more time on the interaction between Linda and her big sister, and describe some of the big-sister-y feelings. You could also include a bit more description during the dialogue between the two of them. And last thing, the sentence 'she was absorbed in her favorite story because it was fascinating her' is a little repetitive. Maybe pick a book that you know and describe what your character would like about it? If she's absorbed by it, it's usually a given that she's fascinated, or at least interested in it. But overall, it was still pretty good. Keep writing!
10/7/2014 c1 13FairyMermaid
Why would anyone think it was slash? It's disgusting two sisters can't sleep in the same bed without somebody making comments about it.
This seems like a prologue to a longer story. Have you thought of using these characters again?
9/4/2014 c1 16luckbringer
Short and sweet, that's the way to go. I like this!

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