Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for From The Ashes of Babylon

11/27/2014 c1 1TheTigress
Finally got around to reviewing this!
Phew... okay the first thing I noticed (and it's really the only negative thing I have to say about this, but it's very important) is that this chapter is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. It's only the first chapter, and it just seems to go on forever and ever. I actually really enjoyed reading this, and not a single part of the chapter was boring, BUT I did start to get a little bit impatient when it seemed that it would never end. I know you were saving the biggest cliffhanger for the end, but if you're absolutely set on having it end that way you need to cut some stuff out of the beginning. I suggest splitting it into two chapters. I know that it will lessen chapter one's impact, but a balance needs to be struck here.

As for your narrative and your description, I must say you've done a great job. Everything flows smoothly, there were no mistakes that I could find (which is rare because I always find something to complain about :D), and the plot itself is very interesting. Your character John is very well described and already seems to have a complex past and personality. He's very likable. And this mysterious creature- my goodness the way you described him was done amazingly well. I could envision it perfectly, and it's very creative how you made him. I never imagined an "alien" (if that's what he is) to look that way before.

This was truly awesome. You're an excellent writer, and I mean it. :)
11/14/2014 c4 TheGreatEscaper
Intriguing!
You've created a strong opening to what looks like a captivating story. These chapters have succeeded in their goal of making readers absolutely mystified as to what the meteors/comets/extraterrestrial objects are, and they're rife with vivid descriptions of interesting, if slightly cliched characters.
My main gripe with this so far is that, so far, apart from the intention/origins of the meteor and the strange man at the beginning, most of these characters lives are a bit predictable.
The 'I'm pregnant!', the grouchy soldier feeling pity for a child, are both well-explored territories of writing; as of such, when used, they must be absolutely outstanding. I'm not saying that the way you've used them isn't good; it's just that it hasn't done anything to make them stand out. The 'emotional' farewells to the characters feel a bit forced as well, and by the time we've finished the fourth chapter, we've tired of these deaths.
It's strong, it's well written, it's intriguing; but, at the moment, just another apocalypse story. From what I've seen so far, though, I think that you have the ability to make it shine; good job so far, make it a great one with the rest of the story. :)
P.S. I really hope Old Man Waller will make a (re)appearance at some point in the story. He sounds like an eccentric person, that I would love to see as a main character.
-Escaper
10/18/2014 c3 Blazing Lights
Dang, I was just beginning to like Ty...

Are all these chapters just gonna be introducing characters then killing them? I sure hope not anyways. Looking forward for more though. I really have nothing productive to say, so yeah.

Have a Wondrous Day!:)
10/18/2014 c2 Blazing Lights
It's rather nice that you broke these into their proper chapters, I can read it easier. I must say I enjoyed this chapter. It was a more normal look on what is happening in my mind. I mean Ty is more of a regular ole bloke guy who really has no experience with crap like this.

Haver a Wonderous day!:)
9/30/2014 c1 Blazing Lights
Meteor was rather unexpected. Personally I found the first chapter kinda confusing. I have a feeling that mysterious man as some sort of important role,eh? By the way supernatural really isn't my thing so keep that in mind.

For the most part it was alright. I really have nothin to say.

Have a Grand Day!:)
9/29/2014 c1 12TaliaRed
Wow... Just wow. Your story is really interesting, I got hooked like right away. It's amazing what you have thus far. I can't wait for more of this story.
9/28/2014 c1 1jedbook
Good start to a promising intriguing story. A pointer though, do some research of Brooklyn cabbie's sound like. I've been to Brooklyn and I can instantly pick out a Brooklyn native anyday. The cabbie didn't sound believable enough to me. Besides that, good work! I enjoyed the story.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service