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10/13/2014 c1 4Solomon07
Ah...you have an interesting beginning there and the description was good for the most part as well as how it finished from the beginning to the end. But one problem I see is that your abruptly switching your description views from describing the surroundings to bring it back to the characters thoughts. Not bad, but it needs to be at a certain point for each of them before you can switch them to make it seem more realistic. A bit to many comparisons can also distract the reader from getting the full picture in their head on about what's going on. But other than those two, it's an interesting beginning.
10/12/2014 c1 26augie.toaste
Wow. Great opening. Your description of the landscape is very good and gives the whole intro scope. Vocab is great. My personal favourites: miasmic, tenebrous, frenetic. I didn't spot any errors. Good stuff.

If I had to give critique, it would be that some of your sentences could be tighter. e.g. "Sharper teeth dropped into his mouth, better suited to a carnivorous diet of fresh meat". You could use either carnivorous diet or fresh meat on their own to achieve the same effect, but carnivorous diet of fresh meat seems a bit redundant. I personally like fresh meat - better imagery. Other examples: tenebrous darkness. exponentially intensified. Your ability to use the precise word you want to describe a scene is good - just don't overdo it. ;)

Hope this helps. I'm looking forward to what happens next.

Augie
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