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11/22/2014 c10 2Unconsciousness
God dammit that Randall dude needs to die or something. He's really getting on my nerves.
11/21/2014 c8 2Echoed Song
Well then. I guess Lilith's mother has been by the tree. Probably somewhere near. The question is, is she still alive? I'm hooked to this story!
11/21/2014 c3 Echoed Song
Oh, wow. This is so good! I like your writing style. Very detailed, yet it isn't boring. I followed the story, just because it's such a nice read. Makes you think if how hard it is out there. Nicely done!
11/16/2014 c9 1EquestrianGirl
Intense! I can't wait for the next chapter, that's for sure.
Everything was clear and easy to follow in this chapter. I think that there was a good amount of description, because I feel like adding any more would distract from the action, and any less would make it a bit confusing.
I found it interesting how Ben reacted to Lilith when she woke up, and how he seemed so easy going as compared to at the end of the chapter where it seems like he has no emotion and knows he has to step up and be the leader.
Overall, I like the characters and how the plot it progressing, it continues to make me want to read more each week.
11/11/2014 c2 8TheGirlWhoRambled
Sorry for taking such a long time! Anyway, onto my review.

This chapter was definitely very interesting… I like how you’re setting up the plot what with the elk being missing. It’s all very curious and intriguing. I also really liked Ben – I’m curious about where he came from too. Does he remember where he came from? I guess he must, considering he must have been pretty old or whatever when he left. I don’t see why he wouldn’t remember, but Lilith didn’t mention where he was from or anything. Maybe he just doesn’t like to talk about it.

As for Lilith, well… I think her emotions are realistic and really well written like the last chapter, but I don’t really find her that likeable. She’s an angry person, but… I don’t really have an inkling of her other qualities yet, and I’d like to see them. I feel sorry for her because of her mother but I feel more empathy for her father and Ben than I do for her even though she’s the main character. I hope she shows another side of herself in future chapters. I mean, you did hint in this chapter that she wasn’t always like this so I’m curious to learn more about how she used to be.

One thing I wondered when reading this chapter – if Ben is new to their village, then why is he the head hunter or whatever? Wouldn’t that be a more prestigious position, one they would probably give to someone who’s lived there a long time even if he’s good? If they’re isolated you’d think they would find it hard to trust someone who came from somewhere else. I don’t know, that was just something I wondered lol. Feel free to ignore it.

Sorry for all the incessant rambling, by the way xD
11/10/2014 c8 2Unconsciousness
This is amazing holy crap XD Ben and Lilith omg I ship it so much. It is sooo becoming cannon. v
And I actually believe that Lilith will find her mother, but something about those markings are suspicious. I know they stand for kaya bane but I don't think they'll lead to anything, plus, anyone could have written those. It could stand for something else for all we know, but we'll see where this takes us I guess :P
11/7/2014 c7 Unconsciousness
OOohhhhh things are happening! This is getting so good omg :D
And it's really sad that that is what became of the earth. Scientists having to genetically modify and recreate animals just to keep the species alive, that's pretty messed up. That whole theory, about how Ben knows so much about their ancestors could be explained a little more though. Obviously, it would be covered in future chapters though, so I'll wait :)

There are a few things i noticed that could use fixing...

1. "My cheek stings and I cry out in pain, because he hit me so hard." It sounds a little weird (just in my opinion). I, myself, would reword it as, "The impact of his hand against my face makes my cheek sting and I cry out in pain."
2. "...and it will not stop until it has me it seems." I would add a comma after 'me', OR you could reword it. Maybe something like, "and it seems as though it will not stop until it has me." Either way, it might sound a little better.
3. "Just one word. Duck." When she says this to Randall, I was a bit confused. If she saw, and knew, that Ben was approaching Randall from behind and about to punch him, why would she want Randall to duck? I can kind of see how this punchline would work, to cause Randall confusion, but logically, it doesn't make much sense.
4. "Not that I pity Randall. He deserves what he gets." The first sentence isn't a complete one, and it should be with the paragraph right before it. I know that you might want to put that sentence there to create emphasis on those sentences, but they could be placed differently and still have the same effect. The second sentence can be in a new paragraph.
5. "He's trying to look nonchalant, stubborn." Stubborn is an aspect that one can have. It is an adjective to describe personality or attitude, not body language, posture or appearance.
6. "But as for me, I don't feel a thing. And I don't think Ben does either." Again, you made these two sentences in separate paragraphs. You could have both sentences in conjunction with the previous paragraph, OR you could make those two sentences into one by replacing the period with a comma.
7. "We shared one hug by the camp fire a week ago and that was it. And that was weird." ABOUT A WEEK AGOOOO (lol sorry I had to).
Again with the weird wording. I can see what your trying to say, but when it's read out loud, it sounds a bit awkward. You could reword it to, "We shared one hug by the camp fire a week ago but that was it. It was a bit weird, now that I think about it." Oh dear, I'm telling you to reword in my writing style xP

Sorry if this was too nitpicky. I didn't see any spelling mistakes, so that's good! I really like this chapter and I'll read chapter 8 when I get the time. Keep up the good work :)
11/7/2014 c8 Trekhorse42
Nice cliffhanger! This chapter has good description, and I like how you describe the mountains and lakes. However, it seemed like most of the description was just visual, and to take it to the next level it'd be nice if you added what smells and sounds there were. Aside from that, I liked the chapter, especially the ending where Ben talks about the seven dwarves, that added a nice touch.
11/6/2014 c1 9QuickShot1445
Amazing story TheTigress. Keep it up.
11/6/2014 c1 1TheTigress
Meadlin: I would have pmed you back instead of posting here but you weren't logged in and I wanted to reply to you.

Thank you so much for your review! You're right about the contradiction in the description of Lilith's father. I don't know why I started off describing him in one way and then completely changed his character later. I guess the story wanted to go in that direction. But yes I should go back and fix that- I had forgotten about that paragraph.

As for Lilith's character, she IS very angsty isn't she? Although she's supposed to be that way, you're also right about me giving her some other qualities. I have been working on giving her more dimension, and in the future will keep your advice in mind. I think I made her so intense in the beginning that I have to slowly ease her into showing other sides of herself or else the change will be too extreme. In later chapters she does display a slightly happier side of herself, but only flashes of it.
11/5/2014 c1 Meadlin
Very good chapter. Also, nice use of tense; you didn't change into another tense in the middle of the story. It has a hint of mystery to it that draws me in. Also, the tension immediately foretells of some major action taking place.
"He is a tall man with a serious face, and dark grey eyes that mask his emotions...I never liked his eyes or his inability to express emotion. It makes me uneasy." I thought this part was very contradicting due to the father's next actions, because in my humble oppinion, if the father is unable to express emotion, why would he go out of his way to comfort his daughter? Isn't putting your hand on someone's shoulder, speaking gently and with pain in his voice supposed to be comforting? Almost everyway in how he acts makes him seem "weak" and very emotional. It doesn't help that Lilith is criticizing him every time he makes an appearance. Isn't she supposed to be uneasy around him?
Your writing style is very nice. The words flow smoothly and the sentences are very descriptive. You project the main characters emotions very intensly, makes the reader feel it too. I mean, whoo! Lilith is just a spitfire, isn't she?
Also, I hope that there will be some character development because although the main character is very intense, it's also a little bit too two-dimensional. All I get the feeling of is that she's an angsty character with some tragic family stuff happening to her. I would suggest to give her some type of quality that makes it easier for us readers to bond with her. Personalize her a little bit.
11/4/2014 c7 Trekhorse42
I like the action in this chapter, and I definitely like how it starts off, because it has a good hook. Lilith's thoughts are also interesting, and her thoughts match her character. I liked hearing about the scientists and how they created the Ice Beast.
Overall, it's a successful chapter and I can't wait to read more!
11/1/2014 c6 1EquestrianGirl
Wow, awesome chapter! I can't wait until the next one.
The writing style is really good, it flows well and sounds professional. The characters have lots of depth, and I like their personalities are shown, not just told. By doing that it gives the characters more realism.
The plot is also interesting so far, but I'd like to know more about how society ended up like it did and how the people survived and how long their group has been living there.
I think in a few places the tense was switched, but maybe I just didn't read it right.
Other than that, it's a really good story and I can't wait to read more!
10/30/2014 c6 2Unconsciousness
Oh my goodness! The secrets out now. Damn. Well, Ben better wake up soon and explain himself then XD
I have a few things to point out about this chapter as well as chapter 5, but I'll pm you instead, since that's what we decided. :)
10/26/2014 c5 Unconsciousness
OOoooooo I knew this day would come :D They're finally getting along, her and Ben. ;) I really like them being friends rather than enemies.
The story is coming along great and I think it's safe to say now that I am an official fan of this story!

Peace :3
- Unconsciousness
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