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2/27/2015 c3 18cud-b-better
Well I highly doubt she is really going to die just like that but I wonder what it was that gave damien that dark premonition of what they were after, curious curious. So the Teddy wasn't holding a full on bomb, disappointed. But what are they going to do? When the odds seem stacked against a miracle will always surely happen.
2/23/2015 c1 Lohar
Well I suppose I'll drop a review in. I'll have to admit, the writing style for this story isn't really my style, or perhaps it's a little underscratch. Of course, this is only chapter one, so who knows how it could improve.

There's a certain sense about the story which feels less like writing and more like stage direction, it lacks a little bit - a little bit bland perhaps? You know, it sounds a bit like somebody saying 'He goes here, then there, and then does this and says this' - it can get a little tedious to read when put that way.

Enough about the writing, more on the story. I'd have to say it's wild from the beginning, from what I understand the main character, or whom I presume is the main character is sixteen years old? Considering there is mention of his fifteenth birthday one year ago, however he harshly feels like that at all.

Overall, I enjoyed it and it was fun to read, so in my eyes you did well! Apologies for a rather short review, I'm a little bit sick at the moment and to say I have the energy would be a lie! I even missed last weeks because I was too sick.
2/22/2015 c8 2YumehaMinakami
"21st century TV shows seem to fascinate her." LOL, as I am fascinated very much by these oh so current shows.
Shoji's driving after eleven bullet wounds... now that's what I call a badass dude.

Anyways, I got a bit confused and at the same time intrigued by that last sentence. Creepy, is she dead? But she responded, maybe there's more to it than meets the eye.
2/22/2015 c2 18cud-b-better
A mysterious girl enters the flock for some unknown reason. Now the question is how on earth will they get out of this mess, I wonder if any of them are going to die, really curious.
2/22/2015 c1 cud-b-better
Holy, gotta love the casual idea of hiding an m16 under her pillow. It looks like they were expecting a fight considering how prepared they were. I'm guessing the teddy is going to be some kind of bomb from how they're talking about it. So the girl seems pretty up for a fight whilst the brother not so much, I guess he's the normal one. No idea why this is all happening however but nice first chapter.
2/21/2015 c1 19dmasterxd
Okay first of all sorry in advance because I can't be as thorough as you.
But anyway I love how you started off with the action and it got me hooked right away. I like Damien so far and he seems like an interesting character with lots of potential. And I love Dianne, lol she wasn't even scared. She was just crying over a vampire book. (It's not the vampire book I think it is, it? XD). But dang that cliffhanger...you sure know how to get your readers hooked and keep them hooked. Awesome chapter!
2/15/2015 c39 11Madcinder
A brief and warranted glimpse into the shadowy enemies that are finally showing their... voices. Obviously, this is bad news. It's not so easy to discern exactly what is going on here, but either Yamada is soon dead or he'll be returning again in the story.
2/15/2015 c38 Madcinder
Anne, it's not nice to laugh at your friends. Even if their screams of pain are mesmerizing, it's unkind.

Shoji can be quite intimidating. Especially when heads on platters comes up. Poor guy never saw it coming. This was truly a weird moment, a little dramatic and tried to be actiony, but ultimately it was just sort of funny. Seems like it all ended fine, though.
2/15/2015 c37 Madcinder
I sorta forgot everything I read in this chapter as soon as malevolent eyes came into notice.

Well, hope the eyes stop hiding and show themselves like an eyeball.
2/15/2015 c36 Madcinder
Damien's kind of a jerk sometimes, you know? He didn't even feel like saying, "Eh, sure, why not."

I wonder if, at some point, you might start leaning the narrative to follow Anne a bit more instead of Damien. I mean, it's cool, but Anne is kind of the title character, and Damien is the cliche "normal life" person that she crashes into and totally changes his view on things. Albeit, his life is far from normal, but still. Extraordinary girl crashes the ordinary life of some guy.
2/15/2015 c35 Madcinder
Starving panda.

Well, if there's one thing you certainly did that wasn't cliche, it was killing off the cutesy character. I'm sorta waiting for some Deus Ex Anastasia to bring her back to life. A character like that just can't stay down forever.

Anyways, just one question. Kojima?
2/15/2015 c34 Guest
I can't tell if this chapter is pointing at Damien's uncle as the bad guy or what.

Sounds like a fun guy so long as he's a good guy. Really nasty villain material, though. Wouldn't want to see him as the bad guy. Of course, in these situations, you should always choose the lesser of two weevils. XP

So, the parents may yet live, which probably means they do live.
2/15/2015 c33 Madcinder
Barbers. Ew. Never been to a barber and never will. I like my hair where it is.

Of course you're not going to tell us who it is. Well, at this point, we wouldn't really know the name anyway, would we? Unless it's the police chief. ...it's not, is it? Oh well, we'll see. Not really much to say about this chapter.
2/15/2015 c19 20DevilPogoStick
lol advertising! XD

But nevertheless, a fun little chapter. Diane teasing the Hell out of Damien was gold. XD

Keep it up!
2/15/2015 c18 DevilPogoStick
And so it ends...Well, at least there is an explanation why the plan worked.

And I do like the moral really, that Damien shouldn't have given up so easily. Yet this is another shot to his so-called lack of morality, as Anastasia mentions he wouldn't have caved and cared when she "died" if he claims to be a psychopath.

lol but at least Damien is willing to some stupid plans a try as the ending statements made that clear.

All in all, another case is done, looking forward to see more when I am in the mood.

Keep it up!
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