for Leaving a mangled cut across my life3/15/2015 c1 
1Cheddar-Graham
RG EF review
I think there is good potential in this story, if it's developed a wee bit more. I like Anna even from the brief glimpse you give us, and I think she could be filled out a little more. The bit on thinking it's brilliant not to have somebody caring about her GCSEs but actually it wasn't - that struck a particular chord for me. I get the impression of a girl who's trying to be brave and indifferent to protect herself against the bad stuff that's happened in her life, but actually deep down she knows it's all an act.
In terms of the horror element, I like the basic idea - reminds me of The Ring. I do think it could be a little more subtle, and probably could have a bit more suspense, eg in her room, maybe she could have a short breathing space in which she tries to convince herself it's just her imagination before dad appears again. But all the same I like that you don't force it down our throats that this is supernatural, but leave us room to speculate if this could be just Anna falling apart psychologically from all the stress she's under.
1Cheddar-GrahamRG EF review
I think there is good potential in this story, if it's developed a wee bit more. I like Anna even from the brief glimpse you give us, and I think she could be filled out a little more. The bit on thinking it's brilliant not to have somebody caring about her GCSEs but actually it wasn't - that struck a particular chord for me. I get the impression of a girl who's trying to be brave and indifferent to protect herself against the bad stuff that's happened in her life, but actually deep down she knows it's all an act.
In terms of the horror element, I like the basic idea - reminds me of The Ring. I do think it could be a little more subtle, and probably could have a bit more suspense, eg in her room, maybe she could have a short breathing space in which she tries to convince herself it's just her imagination before dad appears again. But all the same I like that you don't force it down our throats that this is supernatural, but leave us room to speculate if this could be just Anna falling apart psychologically from all the stress she's under.
3/8/2015 c1 14Virtuella
This is quite scary. Very well paced, and I like the precision of your prose. My one point of criticism would be that it doesn't come across as a real TV report; it's not quite the language TV journalists use. Also, there wouldn't be a close-up of a corpse on TV, but that's okay, because we can assume that by now we've left the normal plane of reality.
14VirtuellaThis is quite scary. Very well paced, and I like the precision of your prose. My one point of criticism would be that it doesn't come across as a real TV report; it's not quite the language TV journalists use. Also, there wouldn't be a close-up of a corpse on TV, but that's okay, because we can assume that by now we've left the normal plane of reality.