for The Sea3/24/2015 c1 
48daughteroftherain
Lovely poem, I really like the sense of conflict it creates. The first simile of a dog makes the ocean out as friendly and tame. Then you completely reverse our expectations, revealing our misconceptions (that the ocean is harmless and pretty) which only take the outward appearance of the sea into account.
Anyway, despite the fact that I actuallly disagree slightly (I love the ocean!) I enjoyed the creative and powerful images, and adore the intimidating sense of depth you create at the end. The rhyming couplet was a great way to finish, I'm a sucker for rhyme and alliteration :)
48daughteroftherainLovely poem, I really like the sense of conflict it creates. The first simile of a dog makes the ocean out as friendly and tame. Then you completely reverse our expectations, revealing our misconceptions (that the ocean is harmless and pretty) which only take the outward appearance of the sea into account.
Anyway, despite the fact that I actuallly disagree slightly (I love the ocean!) I enjoyed the creative and powerful images, and adore the intimidating sense of depth you create at the end. The rhyming couplet was a great way to finish, I'm a sucker for rhyme and alliteration :)
3/16/2015 c1 97rust phoenix
You really have a gift for imagery and rhythm. You can feel the energy of the sea in this piece, cold and powerful. The line lengths even look like the tide creeping in.
One of the most powerful aspects of this poem is how the words sound like what they mean - the energy of "lunge" and "thrash", the pain of "strains," the sharp sound of "stinging" and the melodic repetition of "infinity" and "million". The only part I'm not sure about is "fists" in the line "thrashing fists into rocks", as the imagery of fists so soon after comparing the sea to a dog seems to create a bit of a mixed metaphor. Other than that, I love this poem. Very evocative, and each word seems so thoughtfully chosen.
97rust phoenixYou really have a gift for imagery and rhythm. You can feel the energy of the sea in this piece, cold and powerful. The line lengths even look like the tide creeping in.
One of the most powerful aspects of this poem is how the words sound like what they mean - the energy of "lunge" and "thrash", the pain of "strains," the sharp sound of "stinging" and the melodic repetition of "infinity" and "million". The only part I'm not sure about is "fists" in the line "thrashing fists into rocks", as the imagery of fists so soon after comparing the sea to a dog seems to create a bit of a mixed metaphor. Other than that, I love this poem. Very evocative, and each word seems so thoughtfully chosen.
3/8/2015 c1 14Virtuella
I really like this, the rhythm and flow of it is nice, with the shorter lines bringing the reader to a meaningful pause. The imagery worked well, and I would really like to know why the sea tastes of black olives.
The formatting on this post has gone all wonky and I would love for you to fix it, because then it would be so much easier to read.
14VirtuellaI really like this, the rhythm and flow of it is nice, with the shorter lines bringing the reader to a meaningful pause. The imagery worked well, and I would really like to know why the sea tastes of black olives.
The formatting on this post has gone all wonky and I would love for you to fix it, because then it would be so much easier to read.