for The Case Files & Eyewitness Reports Of Jester Williams1/3/2016 c1 
4M1zz
Hm, I only know about Lovecraft through cultural osmosis, but I definitely got a Lovecraftian feel from this just from reading the summary so good job there! Lovecraft is on my list of things 'to read' so I'll probably add the others as well.
Anyways.
So, this good. It flowed well and while I wasn't frighten by it I felt like the creepiness factor was built up well. This whole chapter had really good atmosphere. Like, I don't necessarily read a lot of horror stories but I do watch a lot of horror movies/tv and all the best ones have a good uncomfortable atmosphere, and this story definitely has it.
I also like Jester. She's...a downer I guess you'd call it, but she's never annoying. Her reactions to things felt authentic and I felt myself agreeing with some of her decisions. Plus, I also really like that she was so accepting of all of the supernatural stuff. It always frustrates me when there are characters insistent that nothing supernatural was going on. So this was a nice change.
The very end made me laugh.
All in all, good chapter! I don't know if you're going to continue it, but if you do I'd love to see where this goes.
4M1zzHm, I only know about Lovecraft through cultural osmosis, but I definitely got a Lovecraftian feel from this just from reading the summary so good job there! Lovecraft is on my list of things 'to read' so I'll probably add the others as well.
Anyways.
So, this good. It flowed well and while I wasn't frighten by it I felt like the creepiness factor was built up well. This whole chapter had really good atmosphere. Like, I don't necessarily read a lot of horror stories but I do watch a lot of horror movies/tv and all the best ones have a good uncomfortable atmosphere, and this story definitely has it.
I also like Jester. She's...a downer I guess you'd call it, but she's never annoying. Her reactions to things felt authentic and I felt myself agreeing with some of her decisions. Plus, I also really like that she was so accepting of all of the supernatural stuff. It always frustrates me when there are characters insistent that nothing supernatural was going on. So this was a nice change.
The very end made me laugh.
All in all, good chapter! I don't know if you're going to continue it, but if you do I'd love to see where this goes.
5/11/2015 c1 9Fox Trot 9
Whoa... ( O_O ) This one's pretty awesome... I loved the tentacled horror of H.P. Lovecraft, and you did his writing style fairly well... Of course, I've only read two of his stories, so I'm not Lovecraft expert, but I think you did well capturing some of his writing style... Haven't read any of August Derleth or Robert E. Howard, but I will when I have time... This was quite freaky, to be honest...
9Fox Trot 9Whoa... ( O_O ) This one's pretty awesome... I loved the tentacled horror of H.P. Lovecraft, and you did his writing style fairly well... Of course, I've only read two of his stories, so I'm not Lovecraft expert, but I think you did well capturing some of his writing style... Haven't read any of August Derleth or Robert E. Howard, but I will when I have time... This was quite freaky, to be honest...
2/26/2015 c1 7Daniel Kozaki
Ollo! Did I see Lovecraft?
Wait, so Jester is a girl? Okay. Otherwise it'd be weird for his parents asking him to get a boyfriend...
Writing forum? *w*
I always confuse between cleavers and cleavage...
Dancing zombies, lol. Still, the names sound like they're too similar, unlike real internet names. Usually don't they go like, Mad69 or something?
Ah, creepy. Her... so first assumption is that Destroyer is a girl...
Yay, skull! Yay, centuries-old-murderer-'it'!
Lolololol... Slash's autobiography... I was expecting 50 Shades.
Hm, that Destroyer... and casual end. She makes it sound like this was not her first experience with the supernatural...
Good descriptions. Better than what I remember of Dark Carnival. Jester... sounds like an interesting character. I expect more from her in the coming chapters, and I mean it in a good way. Just, the bit about forum members was a little bit exposition-ey. You don't have to go through every member, imo.
7Daniel KozakiOllo! Did I see Lovecraft?
Wait, so Jester is a girl? Okay. Otherwise it'd be weird for his parents asking him to get a boyfriend...
Writing forum? *w*
I always confuse between cleavers and cleavage...
Dancing zombies, lol. Still, the names sound like they're too similar, unlike real internet names. Usually don't they go like, Mad69 or something?
Ah, creepy. Her... so first assumption is that Destroyer is a girl...
Yay, skull! Yay, centuries-old-murderer-'it'!
Lolololol... Slash's autobiography... I was expecting 50 Shades.
Hm, that Destroyer... and casual end. She makes it sound like this was not her first experience with the supernatural...
Good descriptions. Better than what I remember of Dark Carnival. Jester... sounds like an interesting character. I expect more from her in the coming chapters, and I mean it in a good way. Just, the bit about forum members was a little bit exposition-ey. You don't have to go through every member, imo.
12/23/2014 c1 8Jax Creation
"my parents would pound on top of me to get a job, get a boyfriend, and get out of their basement" — . . . That awkward moment when you read the summary and assume the MC is male because of their name. (So sorry, Jester.)
Oho. A writing forum, eh?
Creepy message from a lurker with an ominous name. Yep, I'd be a little weirded out too. (No offence to the lurkers at the forum. We love you, come talk.)
And that's creepy... "Listen to the voice of the night." It speaks. Why does it speak?! (What legends could contribute to this story, I wonder...)
"My hand touched a smooth round rock, and when I went to pick it up my thumb went through a hole and touched the dirt under it."
—Skull! That's a—
"A Human skull."
—I knew it xD
Oh, now there's a twist. Wasn't expecting that from TheDestroyer. With that ominous name, I was expecting...
Suspenseful scene is suspenseful. I actually started to hold my breath when I realised that the thing was in the room with her...
Of course, doesn't help that there's a group of teenagers outside my house screaming and carrying on. One girl started shrieking when I reached "The creature screamed and lurched towards my window." It was eerily well timed. xD
A silver cross to ward off evil spirits. Now that's interesting. I've always liked that sort of lore; it's nice to see it included.
. . .
Waaaaaaaait.
"The cross had burned my hand, burning the madness from me. If not for that cross, who knows what I might have been driven to do."
—Now I'm kind of confused 'x3 Unreliable narrator or...?
Lol, that end. So casual, haha. Not really sure what to make of that.
Anyway, interesting! I'm still a bit confused, possibly because of the sudden switch to seemingly retrospective narration there at the end, but this was a good read. Being the sucker I am for supernatural stuff, it's actually delightfully intriguing. Who is this Destroyer? What's that creepy monster with the acid? And why Jester of all people? Is it a matter of circumstance or. . .? Well, guess I'll find out x3
I'm laughing at myself now. Initially, with the skull, I was thinking that you could amp the suspense a little; use some shorter sharper sentences to really pack in a punch. But then somehow, somewhere (I don't quite remember where) I realised that tension had been building without me noticing it. Got the biggest fright when the girl outside started screaming. Kudos on that one; the atmosphere was what made it, lol.
Diverging a bit: Reading this actually brings to mind a story I've been thinking of writing, featuring the lives of a bunch of people connected by a forum. Is it weird writing about a writing forum when you're part of one? I've always been apprehensive about writing it because I wonder if there are elements that would hit too close to home. Just wondering ;3
(And it's probably a bit early for up north, but Merry Christmas, Maddy.)
8Jax Creation"my parents would pound on top of me to get a job, get a boyfriend, and get out of their basement" — . . . That awkward moment when you read the summary and assume the MC is male because of their name. (So sorry, Jester.)
Oho. A writing forum, eh?
Creepy message from a lurker with an ominous name. Yep, I'd be a little weirded out too. (No offence to the lurkers at the forum. We love you, come talk.)
And that's creepy... "Listen to the voice of the night." It speaks. Why does it speak?! (What legends could contribute to this story, I wonder...)
"My hand touched a smooth round rock, and when I went to pick it up my thumb went through a hole and touched the dirt under it."
—Skull! That's a—
"A Human skull."
—I knew it xD
Oh, now there's a twist. Wasn't expecting that from TheDestroyer. With that ominous name, I was expecting...
Suspenseful scene is suspenseful. I actually started to hold my breath when I realised that the thing was in the room with her...
Of course, doesn't help that there's a group of teenagers outside my house screaming and carrying on. One girl started shrieking when I reached "The creature screamed and lurched towards my window." It was eerily well timed. xD
A silver cross to ward off evil spirits. Now that's interesting. I've always liked that sort of lore; it's nice to see it included.
. . .
Waaaaaaaait.
"The cross had burned my hand, burning the madness from me. If not for that cross, who knows what I might have been driven to do."
—Now I'm kind of confused 'x3 Unreliable narrator or...?
Lol, that end. So casual, haha. Not really sure what to make of that.
Anyway, interesting! I'm still a bit confused, possibly because of the sudden switch to seemingly retrospective narration there at the end, but this was a good read. Being the sucker I am for supernatural stuff, it's actually delightfully intriguing. Who is this Destroyer? What's that creepy monster with the acid? And why Jester of all people? Is it a matter of circumstance or. . .? Well, guess I'll find out x3
I'm laughing at myself now. Initially, with the skull, I was thinking that you could amp the suspense a little; use some shorter sharper sentences to really pack in a punch. But then somehow, somewhere (I don't quite remember where) I realised that tension had been building without me noticing it. Got the biggest fright when the girl outside started screaming. Kudos on that one; the atmosphere was what made it, lol.
Diverging a bit: Reading this actually brings to mind a story I've been thinking of writing, featuring the lives of a bunch of people connected by a forum. Is it weird writing about a writing forum when you're part of one? I've always been apprehensive about writing it because I wonder if there are elements that would hit too close to home. Just wondering ;3
(And it's probably a bit early for up north, but Merry Christmas, Maddy.)
11/22/2014 c1 13360pages
Oh sweet a new story from ye-
(5555 words!)
Well this is surprising since you are usually one for shorter chapters. Anyway on to the actual review. Somewhat info dumpish at the start, but I can understand why you did it for this type of story. You do give off an eerie scene, even from the very start. Though you paragraphs can get a little thick, especially around the 2/3 mark where it's just description upon description which is very important in horror.
Over all very good chapter.
13360pagesOh sweet a new story from ye-
(5555 words!)
Well this is surprising since you are usually one for shorter chapters. Anyway on to the actual review. Somewhat info dumpish at the start, but I can understand why you did it for this type of story. You do give off an eerie scene, even from the very start. Though you paragraphs can get a little thick, especially around the 2/3 mark where it's just description upon description which is very important in horror.
Over all very good chapter.