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11/19/2015 c1 70BradytheJust
Whoa! That last line was a perfect ending to a wonderful story.
"The violence of her emotions" I've never seen put that way before. I also liked the paragraph about how her freedom didn't come cheap...that was really easy to relate to because we all see people we used to love even when they aren't there.
Great work and keep it up!
4/17/2015 c1 2Rachel032687
There are spots with incorrect word-usage, but over all there is a connectivity here that will speak to the right audience.
12/27/2014 c1 frostheaven8
This actually has a lot of potential to become a multi-chapter story
12/27/2014 c1 23Nothing Really Specific
This story was good. However I noticed several places where words were missing and the tenses were switched. I would suggest reading this aloud to catch these things. Overall though, it was a story that captured a relationship, a love thought and lost, and remembrance. It was realistic and even though it wasn't relatable to me, it will be relatable to someone. Other improvements would be to utilize the senses, such as the smells and sights, also I would suggest using other literary devices too such as personification and hyperbole. These improvements are simple to add but if added can make this story even more rich and beautiful than it already is. I hope this review has helped and was better than the usual, 'OMG, please for the love of God continue this!' one-liner. I believe in substance when reviewing and when writing and even though you have work to do, you have captured my attention. I wish you all the best in everything.

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