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for Name Your Price

3/30/2015 c10 2Jalux
Loved the moment she took off the wig and Steven realized he was lusting after someone much younger then he thought, gave me a bit of a chuckle. Petra strikes me as extremely playful and almost kid-like which is fine in my mind, just something I wanted to point out. She looks young, loves children's shows and does childish things like pinch cheeks. Guess there's a kid underneath the hardened mercenary. Also nice to see Ajumma has her back as always, I do wonder if eventually Petra won't need her anymore and if we'll get some speech from Ajumma eventually telling her she's ready to go into the world without her. Poor Petra can't draw as well, once again a nice development in her relationship with Ajumma.
3/23/2015 c14 69Shadowswept
I'm intrigued as to why Petra was wishing she could have stopped herself from coming back, but you hint that it compromised her alias. Her exchange with Seb was funny. Steven's offer was surprising, but I guess it's the one place the FBI can't follow her. You had good, detailed descriptions of his condo. I love the unique fish tank in the kitchen island. He is extremely paranoid, though, if he has surveillance in his own house.

I enjoy Petra's youthful energy. The dancing was a sweet interlude, even if it was calculated. I'm very curious about what will happen now between her and Steven. I'm also wondering how everything will play out with Ajumma.
3/23/2015 c9 2Jalux
What kind of people would be desperate enough to try impersonate her for Steven? It's almost seems a little non-nonsensical but then again people do crazy stuff in real life so it didn't bother me too much. And you do mention some of them were paid off so yeah it's really a minor nitpick. Yeah look it's pretty obvious that Steven is fairly unlikable, he kills and he thinks of her as his pet, you kinda just want to see someone kick his ass.

Her backstory is touching albeit not super original but it is difficult to get original back stories nowadays I admit. I think we need to learn more about the family so we feel the full emotional impact when they are killed. That being said it's pretty evident she's had it rough which is funny because she's quite childish and young (Spongebob and Cinderella) so obviously she seems to covering up her pain.

Interesting developments, good pacing too.
3/20/2015 c13 Guest
love this story, but are going to update some of your other stories? anemone is literally my fav...
3/20/2015 c8 Jalux
Hmm so you finally have Ajumma lecture Petra which is what I expected from several chapters ago, simply put I didn't get why she helped Petra despite telling her not to do anything and it makes a little more sense now that she was kind of testing her I guess. Still I feel it's a plot hole that should be looked at. That being said I do like how you show that Petra for all her sort of street smarts and experience is still very young (Spongebob as well I guess?) and needs a bit of guidance. Interesting that there seems to be a little conflict between the two. Petra seems a little fed up that Ajumma won't see her side and Ajumma seems to think Petra's reckless acts will get her into trouble. Not sure what I think about Steven going this far but I guess it's to be expected. It's entertaining at the very least. Looking forward to more.
3/15/2015 c7 Jalux
I think definitely some good characterization for Steven here, strikes me as a good person who does bad things kind of (not always his choice) but I think it's good that he's a bit in the grey as far as characters go. Grey characters are always better then just the good or bad characters (Patrick for example) so good to see you're expanding your repertoire of characters. Interesting that Petra originally just wanted information but seems in a bit deeper then she expected. Looks like the story is picking up. Dialogue was good across the board, you definitely get the feeling Petra was a little uncomfortable in the car and behavior of the other guy was very realistic. I also liked how she's still careful about Steven and the story he told her in the end when she gives him a fake address.

Cool stuff.
3/12/2015 c13 69Shadowswept
I like how Petra bounced back. I've been feeling melancholy too, and I understood her questioning of everything. I hope Ajumma has a good reason for leaving her in the lurch like that. Still, Petra is tough, and Ajumma knows that. Steven will have seen the FBI descend on her, and Petra refusing to take the deal. He already feels something for her, as evidenced by that photograph.

The end with Yusuf was very sweet, and I just adore him! It was great to learn his backstory and find out that he's the one who taught her to fight. They clearly trust each other and have the comfort level of old friends.

I can tell that you're having fun writing the story, and I'm enjoying reading it!
3/11/2015 c6 2Jalux
So we finally get a brief description of Petra, I honestly would've have liked a bit more on her face but it's all good. Quite a tense chapter in general, I loved the moments of tension at some points and we also get to know Petra a bit better. This fits more in line with the character you portrayed earlier with her calm yet calculated approach to all this so well done on that. However one flaw I do have to harp on is watch out for one-dimensional characters. Patrick is simply evil in my eyes and there's little to redeem him or even characterize him outside of his cruelty. It's only one character so I'm not saying it's bad (I do it too) but do watch out not to create too many of these and characters have to be complex. Attention to detail was superb especially when Patrick was stabbed with the scissors.

And this is still an old point but I really want to know her backstory more, where did she get training? Why did she take this path? But yeah good job I'd say.
3/10/2015 c12 69Shadowswept
Petra's age really came through here. She still has a childish, impulsive streak. The tickling was completely unexpected but effective at throwing Steven off balance. He's clearly more mature, yet he's so paranoid that it makes him come off as kind of nuts. Especially with Will. And now it's becoming a love triangle. I suspect that Will is more than a random neighbor though.

And she is devious to hint to Will that she might make out with him at her place. In front of the cameras. Way to throw it in Steven's face!
3/5/2015 c11 Shadowswept
Yes, I can see how art school is going to be a problem. Ajumma can feed her lines, but she can't do anything to help Petra paint in class. Speaking of Ajumma, I loved the bit about her drinking on her birthday. I'm curious about her age now.

She's much more discreet and crafty than Steven. Could he be anymore obvious about spying on her? I can't blame him though, because who can resist pizza? With that pizza parlor conversation and Steven eagerly inviting himself over, this is reading like a fun caper. Will was acting in a suspicious manner though. I wonder what he's hiding.

You are really on a roll with this story. I'm glad you're sticking with it.
3/4/2015 c5 2Jalux
Man I wonder why Petra seemed scared of the corpse, you think someone like her would be tougher but it could be an act or show that she isn't as hard as we were led to believe. That said I think the tension here is very good, Ajumma is clearly worried with her heavy breathing and you really feel Petra is in a pickle. Nice thinking of Petra to come up with the hearing aid actually but yeah that Leslie girl is pretty stupid although it makes you realize what happens when alcohol and stupidity meet. Interested to see how Petra fares without Ajumma. She seems very reliant on her mother-like superviser and I wonder if she'll stuff up without her guidance.

Overall I think this was a good chapter although I feel Petra should be more capable then you're showing her to be but hey that's just me. Maybe she'll surprise me later. I think it was a nice blend of action at the start and a bit of character building towards the end.
2/26/2015 c10 69Shadowswept
I enjoyed that sexy flirting! I'm not sure, though, how much of what Steven says is genuine and how much is seduction. In either case, he's hot. Although he's also very intrusive into her life with all those cameras. Trust issues. I'm left wondering if it could ever really work out between them. I'll just have to wait and see.

Ajumma is a seriously great character. Her sense of humor is so much fun. I wonder how Petra will manage in art school. And I'm interested in her neighbor. Sounds like Steven has some competition.

Thanks for the shout out!
2/25/2015 c9 Shadowswept
I'm disappointed in Steven, but I guess it would have been too easy if he was really that sweet. Now I truly can't anticipate what's going to happen.
All the girls dressed like her was a funny scene. I love that she was dressed differently then the rest, and how she took charge of the situation.
I do like antagonism between a pair, and I'm interested to see how it will all play out in the end. A lot hinges on who the murderer is. It's so sad about Petra's family, but I'm still wondering where she learned her fighting skills.
2/25/2015 c8 Shadowswept
Ajumma really knows her stuff! I was impressed by how she used knowledge to argue her case, whereas Petra was going by emotion. She does have a soft spot for Petra though.

Petra's ruminations about Steven seemed like a hint of sexy times ahead. He seems really into her if he's going through all that trouble to find her. I'm curious if anything will happen between them.
2/21/2015 c4 2Jalux
Petra is only eighteen? Hm I didn't expect that actually, now I'm quite interested to see how she became this mercenary, hopefully soon as it's nagging at me. It's pretty funny to see how she really has to restrain herself from beating the shit out of half the people in the club/bar though. Ajumma's distaste is also a nice piece of characterization but it does show she's willing to do what it takes to help even if it's distasteful although didn't Ajumma warn her not to chase up on the Mafia? How did Petra persuade her to help?

Ugh, this Steven and Patrick are pretty much scum and I wonder if they are a little one dimensional? I assume since they are named they have a bigger role then will be developed a bit more? All in all this was a solid chapter, good characterization for Petra and interesting way to show what it takes to get to the Mafia.
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