for Sasha8/19/2015 c30 
18cud-b-better
Well a really short chapter, I'm guessing he still has the black eye. It also seems Sasha is a lot more assertive in public with him now. I believe the yandere is slowly awakening.
One minor correction:
Sasha dragged him to [her] their last class - [omit out]
18cud-b-betterWell a really short chapter, I'm guessing he still has the black eye. It also seems Sasha is a lot more assertive in public with him now. I believe the yandere is slowly awakening.
One minor correction:
Sasha dragged him to [her] their last class - [omit out]
8/19/2015 c29 cud-b-better
Well that was more amusing than I thought it would be. I thought they were simply going to throw embarrassing stories about Sasha before being chased away. Wonder if Sasha learned Miya kissed him whether she would blame Yatsu or Miya, I wonder if blood would pour?
Anyway a few minor typos:
Help me [life] her off - [lift]
[Mya] turned back - [Miya]
Well that was more amusing than I thought it would be. I thought they were simply going to throw embarrassing stories about Sasha before being chased away. Wonder if Sasha learned Miya kissed him whether she would blame Yatsu or Miya, I wonder if blood would pour?
Anyway a few minor typos:
Help me [life] her off - [lift]
[Mya] turned back - [Miya]
8/19/2015 c28 cud-b-better
Well I can see some interrogating going on pretty soon. Whether it would be directed at Sasha, Yatsu, or both. The sisters are definitely going to do something. I'm guessing they were going to watch a horror movie or something hence the eye closing.
Well I can see some interrogating going on pretty soon. Whether it would be directed at Sasha, Yatsu, or both. The sisters are definitely going to do something. I'm guessing they were going to watch a horror movie or something hence the eye closing.
8/17/2015 c27 cud-b-better
Wow smooth there, not even paying attention until called. Keep your head in the game.
Anyway just one minor error that I noticed:
Sasha never [let] let him go - [omit out]
Wow smooth there, not even paying attention until called. Keep your head in the game.
Anyway just one minor error that I noticed:
Sasha never [let] let him go - [omit out]
8/17/2015 c26 cud-b-better
Well the cats out of the bag there. I don't see why his sister would be overly bothered about him having a girlfriend but hey.
Loved Sasha's very short lived jealousy and Yatsu has even talked his way into a sleepover.
Well the cats out of the bag there. I don't see why his sister would be overly bothered about him having a girlfriend but hey.
Loved Sasha's very short lived jealousy and Yatsu has even talked his way into a sleepover.
8/5/2015 c27 2TheSoulEatingShinigami
Awesome story, I have enjoy what you have put up so far and have to say these style story's have been bouncing around in my head for a while. Really good job, probably the best storyline I have seen in a while. I think one of the chapters did get duplicated to the next just as a heads up.
2TheSoulEatingShinigamiAwesome story, I have enjoy what you have put up so far and have to say these style story's have been bouncing around in my head for a while. Really good job, probably the best storyline I have seen in a while. I think one of the chapters did get duplicated to the next just as a heads up.
8/3/2015 c25 18cud-b-better
Oh god that isn't a good sign. Yep Sasha is definitely going to be crazy, and just when I was enjoying the couple, I can only pray it's a false alarm and doesn't end as a tragedy. I forgot about what you said in the summary.
18cud-b-betterOh god that isn't a good sign. Yep Sasha is definitely going to be crazy, and just when I was enjoying the couple, I can only pray it's a false alarm and doesn't end as a tragedy. I forgot about what you said in the summary.
8/3/2015 c24 cud-b-better
Holy Sasha showing weakness, to think a group of girls could overpower her. And the jerk goes in for the attack, Yatsu being a man. Now hoping Sasha messes him up even further, he certainly deserves it. Kill him.
Anyway a few minor errors I spotted:
[If] fact it felt like Sasha's - [In]
but a part of me felt really [jellous] - [jealous]
have to resist the [earge] to pick her - [urge]
The question has been [floatiing] around - [floating]
in that same [qiuck] motion she - [quick]
suddenly seemed like a [realy] bad idea - [really]
Holy Sasha showing weakness, to think a group of girls could overpower her. And the jerk goes in for the attack, Yatsu being a man. Now hoping Sasha messes him up even further, he certainly deserves it. Kill him.
Anyway a few minor errors I spotted:
[If] fact it felt like Sasha's - [In]
but a part of me felt really [jellous] - [jealous]
have to resist the [earge] to pick her - [urge]
The question has been [floatiing] around - [floating]
in that same [qiuck] motion she - [quick]
suddenly seemed like a [realy] bad idea - [really]
8/3/2015 c23 cud-b-better
Well a typical idiot appears, hoping Sasha will thrash him, if only to make me laugh. Yatsu picking up a little courage. Liked how Sasha seemed more interested in her locker than the boy hitting on her.
Anyway minor thing:
Sasha had been walking [in head] of her - [ahead]
Well a typical idiot appears, hoping Sasha will thrash him, if only to make me laugh. Yatsu picking up a little courage. Liked how Sasha seemed more interested in her locker than the boy hitting on her.
Anyway minor thing:
Sasha had been walking [in head] of her - [ahead]
7/26/2015 c6 13360pages
This chapter is pretty good, letting a lot of characters actions speak for themselves and what not. Not too long and not to short on the descriptions.
13360pagesThis chapter is pretty good, letting a lot of characters actions speak for themselves and what not. Not too long and not to short on the descriptions.
7/6/2015 c22 18cud-b-better
Trouble with the sisters, although I kind of wanted to see Sasha talk about it, if only to see her little sister's reaction and sasha herself being embarrassed. I now finally understand the reason, in a lot of ways she's probably more pure than Yatsu (or not).
Well suggestions etc:
[She] little girl looked at me - [The]?
what I should [all] tell her. - [omit out]
I have a nice spot [or] that stuff - [for]
Only twenty-four [student] made it today, - [students]
I said [that] quietly - [omit out]
18cud-b-betterTrouble with the sisters, although I kind of wanted to see Sasha talk about it, if only to see her little sister's reaction and sasha herself being embarrassed. I now finally understand the reason, in a lot of ways she's probably more pure than Yatsu (or not).
Well suggestions etc:
[She] little girl looked at me - [The]?
what I should [all] tell her. - [omit out]
I have a nice spot [or] that stuff - [for]
Only twenty-four [student] made it today, - [students]
I said [that] quietly - [omit out]
7/6/2015 c21 cud-b-better
Sasha still acting shy and I'm still just as confused as before as to the reason why. I feel sorry for the boy, I really do. But should it be all that difficult to say that he loves her when he is already going out with her? And is Sasha cutting him off whilst knowing what he's trying to say? One thing to note, there's no real need to make him think about asking to take her home if he says it on the next line, best not to repeat.
A few minor errors/suggestions (take with grain of salt):
there isn't anything [I] can do about it now. - [add into sentence]
I really need to write [down]-[these words] or [i] am going to - [I]
Sasha still acting shy and I'm still just as confused as before as to the reason why. I feel sorry for the boy, I really do. But should it be all that difficult to say that he loves her when he is already going out with her? And is Sasha cutting him off whilst knowing what he's trying to say? One thing to note, there's no real need to make him think about asking to take her home if he says it on the next line, best not to repeat.
A few minor errors/suggestions (take with grain of salt):
there isn't anything [I] can do about it now. - [add into sentence]
I really need to write [down]-[these words] or [i] am going to - [I]
6/28/2015 c5 13360pages
I actually really like the description at the beginning, but I'm not sure about pressing this fighting angle. It seems kind of weird to do it in a romance Yadere story, I understand why you did it though. I just somewhat expecting for this to turn into some kind of mini shonen battle series with the way she thinks and talks.
13360pagesI actually really like the description at the beginning, but I'm not sure about pressing this fighting angle. It seems kind of weird to do it in a romance Yadere story, I understand why you did it though. I just somewhat expecting for this to turn into some kind of mini shonen battle series with the way she thinks and talks.
6/26/2015 c4 360pages
Hmm, a slight problem with your writing style is nothing is really shown to us. It feels very much we are getting a summary of events with a bit of dialog thrown in. Usually glancing over events that aren't important at the moment. It feels somewhat explainy and not really...hmm. Very second hand account.
Which is weird for a first-person story.
Hmm, a slight problem with your writing style is nothing is really shown to us. It feels very much we are getting a summary of events with a bit of dialog thrown in. Usually glancing over events that aren't important at the moment. It feels somewhat explainy and not really...hmm. Very second hand account.
Which is weird for a first-person story.
6/24/2015 c20 18cud-b-better
Sasha still showing dere side and me still worried that it's an act. How can a girl like that be so cute? They're pretty good together but if they're overly cutesy with each other won't they get fed up very quickly?
Anyway good chapter.
18cud-b-betterSasha still showing dere side and me still worried that it's an act. How can a girl like that be so cute? They're pretty good together but if they're overly cutesy with each other won't they get fed up very quickly?
Anyway good chapter.