for Sasha6/3/2015 c19 
18cud-b-better
Sasha's being so uncharacteristically cute that I can't help that it is all an act she's putting on for a laugh. Yatsu was being a bit pathetic when he couldn't just say he's already dating someone to his sister.
like always:
Oh [common] - [come on/c'mon (I think)]
I've only just came to be [his] boyfriend yesterday - [her] - But I would change it to "We only started dating yesterday"
18cud-b-betterSasha's being so uncharacteristically cute that I can't help that it is all an act she's putting on for a laugh. Yatsu was being a bit pathetic when he couldn't just say he's already dating someone to his sister.
like always:
Oh [common] - [come on/c'mon (I think)]
I've only just came to be [his] boyfriend yesterday - [her] - But I would change it to "We only started dating yesterday"
6/3/2015 c18 cud-b-better
Um would someone who looks about ten years old look right in make up? Rather than older wouldn't it make her look pretentious? Not that I know. But the sisters are sure amusing.
Um would someone who looks about ten years old look right in make up? Rather than older wouldn't it make her look pretentious? Not that I know. But the sisters are sure amusing.
6/1/2015 c3 13360pages
This chapter actually flowed pretty well, my biggest gripe is the description dump at the start of the chapter. Almost the entire first paragraph was used to describe the main character and who she was fighting. I think it could be spread out a bit more naturally either throughout the fight.
Also despite being talented, our main character is kind of brash. Though this entire thing could almost be seen as out of place, if I didn't know any better I'd say we were in an entire different story.
13360pagesThis chapter actually flowed pretty well, my biggest gripe is the description dump at the start of the chapter. Almost the entire first paragraph was used to describe the main character and who she was fighting. I think it could be spread out a bit more naturally either throughout the fight.
Also despite being talented, our main character is kind of brash. Though this entire thing could almost be seen as out of place, if I didn't know any better I'd say we were in an entire different story.
5/27/2015 c17 18cud-b-better
Wow the violent girl has turned dere but I wonder if the two are truly compatible well only time will tell. A sweet chapter well written that gave a satisfying feeling.
18cud-b-betterWow the violent girl has turned dere but I wonder if the two are truly compatible well only time will tell. A sweet chapter well written that gave a satisfying feeling.
5/27/2015 c16 cud-b-better
Well a slightly unusual way of developing it but the chase after and confession I believe is where this is going. But I'm having a little trouble working Sasha's mind out at the moment. But the last words before taking off were pretty cute.
Well a slightly unusual way of developing it but the chase after and confession I believe is where this is going. But I'm having a little trouble working Sasha's mind out at the moment. But the last words before taking off were pretty cute.
5/27/2015 c15 cud-b-better
HA ha ha ha! Well I didn't see that one coming. Now that in its own way is probably worse. Good job throwing me off there.
Minor typo:
head [strait] back to the classroom - [straight]
HA ha ha ha! Well I didn't see that one coming. Now that in its own way is probably worse. Good job throwing me off there.
Minor typo:
head [strait] back to the classroom - [straight]
5/27/2015 c14 cud-b-better
Well, he's done it, although reading the chapter title has kind of given away the answer that is coming. And how old are they? Playing such a game, lol.
Well, he's done it, although reading the chapter title has kind of given away the answer that is coming. And how old are they? Playing such a game, lol.
5/27/2015 c13 cud-b-better
Wow, a class can be bribed with a chocolate. I'm surprised something like that can truly work, although I know it does from remembering my own school days.
Just a minor one:
The girl was the boy's [his] twin sister - [omit out]
Wow, a class can be bribed with a chocolate. I'm surprised something like that can truly work, although I know it does from remembering my own school days.
Just a minor one:
The girl was the boy's [his] twin sister - [omit out]
5/27/2015 c12 cud-b-better
Well nothing particularly happened but it seems your planning on sticking with the boys point of view for a while. Now lets see if he gets the courage to ask Sasha out or find a method to even convey it.
Well nothing particularly happened but it seems your planning on sticking with the boys point of view for a while. Now lets see if he gets the courage to ask Sasha out or find a method to even convey it.
5/22/2015 c11 cud-b-better
Uh, cute. Now will Sasha respond positively to it. You suddenly jumped 4 months though. Anyway little thing Onii-chan is for older brother so the older sister saying it felt off.
[I wrote that down onto the paper followed by a few other meaningful words before I picking it up and reading it over. I only to shook my head] - this reads a little off.
Anyway now how will Sasha answer?
Uh, cute. Now will Sasha respond positively to it. You suddenly jumped 4 months though. Anyway little thing Onii-chan is for older brother so the older sister saying it felt off.
[I wrote that down onto the paper followed by a few other meaningful words before I picking it up and reading it over. I only to shook my head] - this reads a little off.
Anyway now how will Sasha answer?
5/17/2015 c10 cud-b-better
Well looks like she has found a guy to be interested in, coming over as a typical shy boy at the moment, wonder if there is more to him than meets the eye. A good encounter but she wasn't carry bread in her mouth.
Just one thing I noticed:
The sea of students [turn] it into a maze - [turned]
Well looks like she has found a guy to be interested in, coming over as a typical shy boy at the moment, wonder if there is more to him than meets the eye. A good encounter but she wasn't carry bread in her mouth.
Just one thing I noticed:
The sea of students [turn] it into a maze - [turned]
5/17/2015 c9 cud-b-better
Such a satisfying beat down, she handled it completely like a boss. The moment she casually explained everything she did whilst sitting in the teacher's chair was brilliant.
A few errors I think I noticed:
let her [guild] me - [guide]
[riding] you of that ugly pink hair on top [of] your head - [ridding] [add into sentence]
she nearly screamed [that] - [omit out]
trouble [than] why should I? - [then]
I was [aloud] to leave without punishment - [allowed]
Such a satisfying beat down, she handled it completely like a boss. The moment she casually explained everything she did whilst sitting in the teacher's chair was brilliant.
A few errors I think I noticed:
let her [guild] me - [guide]
[riding] you of that ugly pink hair on top [of] your head - [ridding] [add into sentence]
she nearly screamed [that] - [omit out]
trouble [than] why should I? - [then]
I was [aloud] to leave without punishment - [allowed]
5/17/2015 c8 cud-b-better
Well if a girl goes to school like that they would surely attract a few stares. Loved the quick insult to the snob very nicely done.
Well if a girl goes to school like that they would surely attract a few stares. Loved the quick insult to the snob very nicely done.
5/2/2015 c7 cud-b-better
Sibling fights are all the norm, but the youngest are always the troublesome ones that never learn, I wish I could imagine Sasha's face which scared her so.
Sibling fights are all the norm, but the youngest are always the troublesome ones that never learn, I wish I could imagine Sasha's face which scared her so.
5/2/2015 c6 cud-b-better
Well nothing much other than Sasha showing a bit more of a caring side compared to what I think is her true nature.
Well nothing much other than Sasha showing a bit more of a caring side compared to what I think is her true nature.