for Blink6/29/2015 c17 EndMyLife
This is right and proper mint. You're doing great man I hope you continue this.
This is right and proper mint. You're doing great man I hope you continue this.
5/30/2015 c13 Trekhorse42
Wow! That was an amazing chapter! I really like how it switches perspectives. I liked the way you presented how Colin's girlfriend thinks (her name just slipped my mind, sorry!) because it is distinctly different from how Colin thinks. I also like how you have the big problem with Colin shooting the employees, and then you have a smaller problem with him meeting his girlfriend's parents. Keep up the good work! I'm eager to read another chapter!
Wow! That was an amazing chapter! I really like how it switches perspectives. I liked the way you presented how Colin's girlfriend thinks (her name just slipped my mind, sorry!) because it is distinctly different from how Colin thinks. I also like how you have the big problem with Colin shooting the employees, and then you have a smaller problem with him meeting his girlfriend's parents. Keep up the good work! I'm eager to read another chapter!
3/31/2015 c1 
1PrideTheSparrow
I really am enjoying this story! I like that fact that you didn't give the protagonist a typical power (unlike me hehe). His powers really intrigued me and the whole ''his eyes turning green due to the radiation'' faintly reminded me of the Hulk (but that's just me). I also enjoy how you write. Its a unique style and I have grown quite fond of it. I will continue to read/review your story as you post more chapters! If you wouldn't mind, could you take a look at my story as well? I am a new writer and have been looking for feedback. If not that's ok :D
1PrideTheSparrowI really am enjoying this story! I like that fact that you didn't give the protagonist a typical power (unlike me hehe). His powers really intrigued me and the whole ''his eyes turning green due to the radiation'' faintly reminded me of the Hulk (but that's just me). I also enjoy how you write. Its a unique style and I have grown quite fond of it. I will continue to read/review your story as you post more chapters! If you wouldn't mind, could you take a look at my story as well? I am a new writer and have been looking for feedback. If not that's ok :D
3/23/2015 c6 1EquestrianGirl
Another exciting chapter! I found it interesting how there was an alarm and how the guards beat him up. Did they realize someone had broke in after the first time Colin went there and decided they needed to up security?
A few minor errors I noticed: at the very beginning it says "A get an email..." And I think you meant to put I. Another thing I noticed is that in the third paragraph in the first sentence it says "shipped of to God knows who" and it should be off not of, and I think it might flow a bit better if it says "shipped off to God knows where" not who, because people usually say where, not who. Anyway, it works either way, it just took me by surprise to read it like that. Aside from that, it's good.
I'll try and review again on the rest of the chapter, but it's good so far ! Sorry for my rambling!
1EquestrianGirlAnother exciting chapter! I found it interesting how there was an alarm and how the guards beat him up. Did they realize someone had broke in after the first time Colin went there and decided they needed to up security?
A few minor errors I noticed: at the very beginning it says "A get an email..." And I think you meant to put I. Another thing I noticed is that in the third paragraph in the first sentence it says "shipped of to God knows who" and it should be off not of, and I think it might flow a bit better if it says "shipped off to God knows where" not who, because people usually say where, not who. Anyway, it works either way, it just took me by surprise to read it like that. Aside from that, it's good.
I'll try and review again on the rest of the chapter, but it's good so far ! Sorry for my rambling!
3/21/2015 c5 EquestrianGirl
Aww! That was an interesting chapter. I like Colin's reaction to finding cells in the radioactive stuff, it seemed genuine. However, I found his reaction to when Logan tried to comfort him interesting as to how he thought she felt pity for him. But after falling into a bunch of radioactive stuff and having glowing green eyes, that reaction would be understandable.
I don't understand the reason why they went to talk to Brad, it seemed like that scene didn't have much purpose behind it. Maybe I'm just missing something, but it seems like a filler scene. At the beginning of the chapter I was also confused at what time it was during the day, but then I figured out it was probably lunchtime. However, I think that should be made clear at the beginning of the chapter.
Aside from that, good chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next!
Aww! That was an interesting chapter. I like Colin's reaction to finding cells in the radioactive stuff, it seemed genuine. However, I found his reaction to when Logan tried to comfort him interesting as to how he thought she felt pity for him. But after falling into a bunch of radioactive stuff and having glowing green eyes, that reaction would be understandable.
I don't understand the reason why they went to talk to Brad, it seemed like that scene didn't have much purpose behind it. Maybe I'm just missing something, but it seems like a filler scene. At the beginning of the chapter I was also confused at what time it was during the day, but then I figured out it was probably lunchtime. However, I think that should be made clear at the beginning of the chapter.
Aside from that, good chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next!
3/8/2015 c4 EquestrianGirl
Oh and the plot quickly escalates! Awesome! I like how this is moving along pretty fast, and that the chapters are short and sweet. The characters are realistic in the way they act, and I like the detail put into the movements. However, something that might add a touch more of "mood" to it is to add smells and maybe a bit more of sound, but I think it can also work without that. Something that might also make it even more amazing is to add some similes and metaphors and figurative language. That's all I can think of... good job!
Oh and the plot quickly escalates! Awesome! I like how this is moving along pretty fast, and that the chapters are short and sweet. The characters are realistic in the way they act, and I like the detail put into the movements. However, something that might add a touch more of "mood" to it is to add smells and maybe a bit more of sound, but I think it can also work without that. Something that might also make it even more amazing is to add some similes and metaphors and figurative language. That's all I can think of... good job!
3/3/2015 c1 The Doctor 1969
Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They're fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink.
Good luck.
Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They're fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink.
Good luck.
2/23/2015 c1 ImJustAwkward
This is cool! You don't need to put 'END OF CHAPTER 1' at the end though. We can tell when it is the end XD
This is cool! You don't need to put 'END OF CHAPTER 1' at the end though. We can tell when it is the end XD
2/22/2015 c2 5TheGirlWhoRambled
Ooohhh this was an interesting chapter. That is a really cool power, not really like anything I’ve seen before so I’m excited to see what happens next. I really liked the way you portrayed Colin’s emotions when he discovered his power – at first he was scared of it, but then as he got used to the idea he got more excited and started thinking of the possibilities. That whole sequence was well written and exciting, so good job :)
The unrealisticness of the hospital scene bothered me quite a bit, though. This is nerdy of me, but a doctor (or any scientist) would not refer to a radioactive substance as “stuff” :P Also, how would he know that not a single cell was damaged in his entire body? I don’t really see how a doctor could tell that “not a single cell” had been damaged by the substance, since cells are dying and being replaced all the time anyway, so how could you tell if some cell somewhere hadn't been damaged? Eh, that part didn’t really make sense in my mind. He could have simply said that they tested and found no sign of cancer, but he wouldn’t rule it out entirely. After all, it might take a while or something for the cancer cells to grow and stuff so they’d be apparent on a test. And the fact his eyes changed colour means the cells were damaged, since his DNA must’ve mutated. Sure, it might not have been a harmful mutation (yet, I don’t know what effect it’ll have :P), but it shows his cells obviously were effected and lasting damage has been done.
I also found some of his mother’s dialogue quite unrealistic – when she said, “you’re not gonna cut him up and stuff like a lab experiment?” unless she’s ignorant I think she’d know that sort of thing doesn’t happen in a hospital, and the wording made her sound like a teenager rather than an adult. I think you should make her say, “going to” instead of gonna and leave out the “and stuff”, if you want to keep that part.
“could have caused mass amounts” massive, not mass
5TheGirlWhoRambledOoohhh this was an interesting chapter. That is a really cool power, not really like anything I’ve seen before so I’m excited to see what happens next. I really liked the way you portrayed Colin’s emotions when he discovered his power – at first he was scared of it, but then as he got used to the idea he got more excited and started thinking of the possibilities. That whole sequence was well written and exciting, so good job :)
The unrealisticness of the hospital scene bothered me quite a bit, though. This is nerdy of me, but a doctor (or any scientist) would not refer to a radioactive substance as “stuff” :P Also, how would he know that not a single cell was damaged in his entire body? I don’t really see how a doctor could tell that “not a single cell” had been damaged by the substance, since cells are dying and being replaced all the time anyway, so how could you tell if some cell somewhere hadn't been damaged? Eh, that part didn’t really make sense in my mind. He could have simply said that they tested and found no sign of cancer, but he wouldn’t rule it out entirely. After all, it might take a while or something for the cancer cells to grow and stuff so they’d be apparent on a test. And the fact his eyes changed colour means the cells were damaged, since his DNA must’ve mutated. Sure, it might not have been a harmful mutation (yet, I don’t know what effect it’ll have :P), but it shows his cells obviously were effected and lasting damage has been done.
I also found some of his mother’s dialogue quite unrealistic – when she said, “you’re not gonna cut him up and stuff like a lab experiment?” unless she’s ignorant I think she’d know that sort of thing doesn’t happen in a hospital, and the wording made her sound like a teenager rather than an adult. I think you should make her say, “going to” instead of gonna and leave out the “and stuff”, if you want to keep that part.
“could have caused mass amounts” massive, not mass
2/22/2015 c1 1echogirlcapri
Hi, Unconsciousness! Here doing my reviews for the Campfire :)
/I'm going to talk directly to your MC. Hope this doesn't bother you, but let me know if it does./
Hey, Colin. I like you so far, because I live in the North too, and I'm still not used to the cold :P I enjoyed your sense of humor when you talk about yelling at the weatherman. I don't do that, but I do curse him out in my head XD
I kinda wish I'd known your name sooner, though. I don't think I figured it out until Logan called your name in the hall. Also, speaking of Logan, I think you should have mentioned that you were buddies in elementary school when you first brought her up. Here I am thinking that you only, like, worship her from afar or something, and then all of a sudden you throw it in my face that no, you were childhood friends. Could use some touching up with your strategy there, dude :)
You also remind me of my MC, Nick, because he's best friends with a cooler guy :) But I'm not sure guys say "best friends" normally, do they? Beats me, I'm not a guy, but then, it seemed a little odd. I've been told that guys don't say that.
I'm not sure where your story's going yet, but I'm interested. You seem to start out the story talking a lot about the weather, so I assume that's important; Logan, so I assume she's important; and this field trip, so I'm pretty sure that's important (especially since you black out during the field trip when some weird stuff starts happening XD).
1echogirlcapriHi, Unconsciousness! Here doing my reviews for the Campfire :)
/I'm going to talk directly to your MC. Hope this doesn't bother you, but let me know if it does./
Hey, Colin. I like you so far, because I live in the North too, and I'm still not used to the cold :P I enjoyed your sense of humor when you talk about yelling at the weatherman. I don't do that, but I do curse him out in my head XD
I kinda wish I'd known your name sooner, though. I don't think I figured it out until Logan called your name in the hall. Also, speaking of Logan, I think you should have mentioned that you were buddies in elementary school when you first brought her up. Here I am thinking that you only, like, worship her from afar or something, and then all of a sudden you throw it in my face that no, you were childhood friends. Could use some touching up with your strategy there, dude :)
You also remind me of my MC, Nick, because he's best friends with a cooler guy :) But I'm not sure guys say "best friends" normally, do they? Beats me, I'm not a guy, but then, it seemed a little odd. I've been told that guys don't say that.
I'm not sure where your story's going yet, but I'm interested. You seem to start out the story talking a lot about the weather, so I assume that's important; Logan, so I assume she's important; and this field trip, so I'm pretty sure that's important (especially since you black out during the field trip when some weird stuff starts happening XD).
2/21/2015 c2 1EquestrianGirl
Wow that is so cool! I like the whole idea of blinking and being there, it's not the usual super power type of thing that people think of. The first chapter was really good and had a hook that brought me in, and I think the description is in good amounts. Chapter two had a few errors that I noticed, but aside from that it's good. I can't wait for the next chapter!
1EquestrianGirlWow that is so cool! I like the whole idea of blinking and being there, it's not the usual super power type of thing that people think of. The first chapter was really good and had a hook that brought me in, and I think the description is in good amounts. Chapter two had a few errors that I noticed, but aside from that it's good. I can't wait for the next chapter!
2/15/2015 c1 5TheGirlWhoRambled
This was an interesting first chapter. I think you wrote the characters very well, overall their dialogue and interaction with each other seemed realistic, as well as Colin’s crush on Logan. I enjoyed his thoughts about Canada :P I feel the same way about my country (well, city to be more accurate :P), except instead of cold it’s the heat xD
I think you did a good job of describing the sequence of events at the end – I suppose it was probably set up by the government or some secret group or something, since there’s no way a group of high school students would be allowed to go to a nuclear plant otherwise or they’d be careless enough to leave the door open :P The main gripe I have with the ending is it feels a bit “used”, if you know what I mean. It’s difficult to tell at the moment, since we don’t know how Colin’s going to be affected, but if he gets powers of some kind, that’s quite a common way to do it. I could tell from the minute they mentioned going to the nuclear power plant that somehow he was going to get exposed to some sort of radioactive material. As I said it’s very early to tell though, so take this comment with a grain of salt. After all, for all I know something will happen that I’m completely not expecting :3
Anyway, here are some typos:
“She doesn’t wear make-up or goes to Starbucks” go instead of goes.
“a loud voice comes from the ground bellow” below instead of bellow
Also Snapchat should be capitalised since it’s a brand name.
5TheGirlWhoRambledThis was an interesting first chapter. I think you wrote the characters very well, overall their dialogue and interaction with each other seemed realistic, as well as Colin’s crush on Logan. I enjoyed his thoughts about Canada :P I feel the same way about my country (well, city to be more accurate :P), except instead of cold it’s the heat xD
I think you did a good job of describing the sequence of events at the end – I suppose it was probably set up by the government or some secret group or something, since there’s no way a group of high school students would be allowed to go to a nuclear plant otherwise or they’d be careless enough to leave the door open :P The main gripe I have with the ending is it feels a bit “used”, if you know what I mean. It’s difficult to tell at the moment, since we don’t know how Colin’s going to be affected, but if he gets powers of some kind, that’s quite a common way to do it. I could tell from the minute they mentioned going to the nuclear power plant that somehow he was going to get exposed to some sort of radioactive material. As I said it’s very early to tell though, so take this comment with a grain of salt. After all, for all I know something will happen that I’m completely not expecting :3
Anyway, here are some typos:
“She doesn’t wear make-up or goes to Starbucks” go instead of goes.
“a loud voice comes from the ground bellow” below instead of bellow
Also Snapchat should be capitalised since it’s a brand name.
2/14/2015 c1 TheGreatEscaper
What an interesting first chapter! :)
I know you probably realize this but the main thing that annoyed me is just the 'unrealistic-ness' of that last section. I mean, teenage guys can be stupid, but, they don't hang over giant vats of radioactive material. The most reckless guys at my school don't even like touching chemicals in chemistry. It just felt a bit fake and took me out of the story a bit.
However, the friendship with Brad, and the crush on Logan are well done.
The opening section, with the kind of inner monologue, is very very well-written and captivating.
You've improved a lot in this story from your last, and I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
What an interesting first chapter! :)
I know you probably realize this but the main thing that annoyed me is just the 'unrealistic-ness' of that last section. I mean, teenage guys can be stupid, but, they don't hang over giant vats of radioactive material. The most reckless guys at my school don't even like touching chemicals in chemistry. It just felt a bit fake and took me out of the story a bit.
However, the friendship with Brad, and the crush on Logan are well done.
The opening section, with the kind of inner monologue, is very very well-written and captivating.
You've improved a lot in this story from your last, and I'm looking forward to reading more! :)