for 2 Girls2/26/2015 c1 
725Dill Wilson
Welcome fiction press - nice start. Opening a story with a character's quote can be problemmatic. I would move up the "we were staying at my grandmother..." narrative paragraph to open the story just to give the reader an idea of the set up from the start. Your narrator voice work's well - just remember that you don't have to have too much dialogue if it weighs down the flow of the story (that is, you don't have to quote entire conversations to get the point across). Just my quick thought as I glanced at this story. Keep writing - you're doing great!
725Dill WilsonWelcome fiction press - nice start. Opening a story with a character's quote can be problemmatic. I would move up the "we were staying at my grandmother..." narrative paragraph to open the story just to give the reader an idea of the set up from the start. Your narrator voice work's well - just remember that you don't have to have too much dialogue if it weighs down the flow of the story (that is, you don't have to quote entire conversations to get the point across). Just my quick thought as I glanced at this story. Keep writing - you're doing great!