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6/16/2016 c1 19Ckh
Ah, Chance. One of life's Great Bases for Philosophy. Also, one of life's Great Bases for BS.

Interestingly enough, I relate to Sensei more than the MC. I guess years of out-philosophy/blatant half hearted BS, has turned me into a guy who sprouts stuff like this at will.

The lighthearted feeling of this really adds to the comedic tone this has, and the writing is nothing short to scoff at as well.

I think you have found the right balance in a comedy story, and I'm interested to see how this places.

Also, given that this was probably impromptu, why was there Earl Grey in Sensei's tea sack. Some sort of sick punishment/ward off evil doers perhaps? Man, sick life.

-From the Roadhouse/Reviewing Crusade
1/14/2016 c1 7Leon Wite
Is that an artistic choice to basically have almost the exact same opening as you did in "Clean Sweep"? Like a catch phrase?
"Ancient Wen halted their trek in front of...; his giant apprentice..." the ";" is in between two independent clauses, but personally I don't know if the relations between sentence one and two is close enough for a semi-colon to be the best fit. The way I read it: "Ancient Wen halted their trek... studied its weathered, craggy feathers. His giant apprentice, the young and inexperienced Joseph bumped into him; immediately, the young man began gushing a long stream of apologies" or it could be "...bumped into him. Immediately, the..."
"Without a word...from his backpack and filled (it) with water..." less ambiguity.
"Ah(,) yes."
"burnt" being use as an adjective instead of a verb like orange to describe the light. So: "burnt, orange light..."
"casually" is describing the "replied" which has been moved to the end. "replied Wen, casually."
"is (the) very key to making good, hot tea."
"The only man...pan hat(,) and lit". Linking two independent sentences with a conjunction "and", thus comma.
"Puffing a few times, as if to get it going, Wen asked..."
"How do (you) test Chance?" or "How does one test Chance?"
"..you could roll the dice, or pull..."
"added Joseph(,) hopefully" moved adverbial.
"Ancient (W)en took another long drag on his cigarette and..."
"He watched the smoke dear family prance away (with) the wind." Wind doesn't have a "solid" mass to be "on".
"There was no room for any error, especially since sensei was watching." extra watching.
"Pulling it out, he held it up to the dying light of the sunset (to) read the label."
"fu manchu mustache." 1. because Fu Manchu the fictional character. 2. just in case the reader doesn't know what fu manchu means. (removing ambiguity).
Interesting premise. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Is there any specific reason why "Ancient Wen" and using that British troop?
I didn't get any racial vibes from it until the "Fu Manchu". That was when I went...okay... You should be fairly careful with that because it actually carries bad connotations/history.
1/8/2016 c1 6Victoria Best
Hello!

I enjoyed this first chapter. It's an interesting start to a story and I am interested in seeing where this is going to go. I loved the humour in this, and the characters are intriguing! I'm looking forward to reading more!

Some lovely pieces of description, such as, "They wavered in the air," and, "Joseph's face spilt wide with a toothy grin." My favourite line has to be, "Dying light of the sunset." It's great that these great descriptions are embedded so subtly into the story, meaning they do not distract from it. One of my pet peeves is seeing paragraphs and paragraphs of description, so great job in avoiding this. Less is always more!

As I said earlier, the light humour in this was clever and engaging. I love the ending, with them testing chance via cans of tea. The whole thing is quite funny, really, with this old guy trying to talk about "testing chance," which, as you state in your summary, is completely bullshit. The thing is, Ancient Wen says it all so wisely and convincingly that it is not wonder Joseph continues to believe him. I am interested in seeing whether Joseph will ever grow wiser and begin to understand the bullshittery, but I doubt that, because of the absolutely-no-questions-asked way he goes about doing what Ancient Wen asks, such as pulling out the tea and then, at the end, making him tea. Come on, Joseph! Wisen up!

Also, it's interesting that you use the same opening as with Clean Sweep, and I had a look through and noticed you do it with all. This is a neat idea and sort of connects all the stories together.

Great start to the story and I don't see any problems with this, other than perhaps I would have liked a little more on how the characters look and little details such as the way they talk and the way they move, to really enable me to visualise them. Of course, this is only the first chapter, so there is plenty of time to expand on this in future chapters.

Keep writing!
12/10/2015 c1 7The Littlest Mouse
Hmm...this is a little off putting. It kind of feels like when you're about to meet someone that your parents talked about like they're a living legend and then when you meet them you can't help but thinking, "Is that it?"

But on the other hand, this is just the first chapter.

I don't really have much of a review for this chapter and for that I'm REALLY, REALLY sorry! So, I'll make a list of what I've noticed:

1.) No spelling errors.
2.) You need to capitalize chance and luck
3.) I can easily hear Ancient Wen's voice.
4.) Your imagery is very nice and easy to picture.
5.) Joseph's way of speaking sounds very natural.

The only advice I would have to offer would be stay away from cultural appropriation considering you'll be dealing with a specific minority. In other words, stay far away from stereotypes.

I can't wait to see what you do with this story!
10/16/2015 c14 Red Dearest
Hot and bothered with Wen's special magazines ha!

Joseph is gonna learn fire! That's pretty awesome. Funny, entertaining, I can't wait to see what happens next lol
10/14/2015 c7 5Time And Space In The Balance
I've read the chapters on Balance, and this is still funny whilst remaining engaging and entertaining - there's a solid plot; a sense of purpose at least. The moment with the skeleton was slightly gruesome, which works well to offset the humour of the rest of the piece.

I have to say, I love Ancient Wen's obsession with the perfect cup of tea.

As always, great job! ~u~

-TSB
10/10/2015 c2 9Waxing Shadow
Overall, I think this story is a rather nice, lighthearted romp. I will say that the summary above fits very well considering the story's play on the whole "old master" trope. Of the two chapters I've read, I think the Wen's my favorite part. I like the way that it's made clear that he's full of it, really, even though he throws some "wise" words and phrases around. You know, one of the major elements (if not the major element) of comedy is misery. The reader can see Joseph's misery as he goes through this stuff and kind of feel sympathy towards him even while laughing at him. I will note, however, that there are a few errors here and there that you might want to look out for in the future (like the last sentence, which is missing an "of" in between arms and unconsciousness). Great story overall so far, though. Keep writing!
10/4/2015 c7 6Ed Harley
One of the coolest odd series out there- apparently, tea is the drink of wise but treacherous old men.
10/4/2015 c3 5Janz54
This is pretty funny. I don't usually like humor of people being jerks to one another, but in this case I liked it. I mean, it's not very nice to exploit someone's innocence and naivete, but it's more of a Mister Miyagi thing where he's having him wax the car.

The opening is also funny, because instead of taking place in somewhere like Tibet or a remote part of China, it takes place in redneck mountains.
10/4/2015 c2 6DarkWolfWavius
I liked this chapter. I liked the dynamic with Joseph and Wen and it had a lot of interesting moments :)

I couldn't find any spelling issues in this chapter, so this is an improvement from Chapter 1, which is great :)
10/2/2015 c13 1Red-Damascus-Steel
Biscuit.
I
Can't
Stop
Laughing xD
Oh my God, this is awesome! I love you! xD
This chapter actually explained a whole lot for me as to where Joseph and Wen are.
Wen is such a hypocrite lol
Awesome chapter, looking forward to the next one!
:D
10/1/2015 c1 The Jollyginger
Hey, I'm from the Roadhouse Bar. Please, if there's something more you'd like from this review, PM me.
Anyway, this is a quirky sort of parody on the sensei/grasshopper relationship schtick, but it's a really enjoyable sort of quirky. On the one hand, I get the impression that the sensei is full of shit, knows it, and glories in it, and on the other it's great to see "young Joseph" try to parse his mentor's purposefully obscure Lessons. Short, sweet, hope you continue to develop the comedic aspects of it, turning it into a hilarious read. It's not the way I would write this, but your tone gives this piece a lot of uniqueness and makes it fun to read.
Thanks for writing!
9/29/2015 c2 15tronks
Another long opening sentence, but at this point they seem more of a parody. Still, you could probably split them up while still retaining that humorous, quirky spirit.

I haven't gotten too much description of these characters, but I wouldn't mind if you threw some in here and there, in action. You introduce Wen as Joseph's teacher, and I don't think it's as necessary now that we're into the second chapter, unless these chapters are all meant to stand alone. There are a few wordy points again, such as "he scanned his current surroundings"-this could simply read "he scanned his surroundings".

A few errors I noticed, along with other wordy instances:
"His expression went completely deadpan" remove the adverb
"The still-glowing ashes" remove the "still"
"and focused solely on the lesson at hand" remove the adverb
"Which you have. You scarred away our little friend" should be 'scared' and not scarred
"Now that that is taken of, are you ready for..." should this say that that is taken care of?
"He fiddled with something in on f his sleeves" -should be of
"Ancient Wen put the coin back and re folded his arms." Might read better as re-folded
"It is a total shame that..." 'total' here seems a little out of character for the wise Wen!

I'm amused at the turns this story is taking. I like Wen and his wise ways, and I relate to the young Joseph grappling to comprehend it all. I felt pretty bad for Joseph at the end, when he failed to climb down the tree. It looks like luck wasn't so much on his side this time. Another humorous and entertaining chapter!
9/29/2015 c1 tronks
Hello there, here to review!

Your first sentence is pretty long, so I would split this information up into maybe two or three sentences. If you read it aloud, it might help you out. I enjoy the amount of detail throughout the piece.

"This just so happens to fit perfectly into my plans, also"-remove wordy instances, like this 'also' here. Removing adverbs elsewhere will help, as well. I didn't find too much grammatically wrong with this first chapter, and it was pretty cute the way the younger Joseph and the older Wen interacted. It's caught my interest, so I'll move on to chapter 2!
9/29/2015 c12 1Red-Damascus-Steel
Ha, Wen is pretty scary when he wants to be ;-;

If only that were real! It'll be cool to just think something is light and to lift it like nothing lol

This was awesome, looking forward to the next chapter.
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