for Lessons of the World4/1/2015 c3 
1PrideTheSparrow
I'm starting to really enjoy these lessons. I found how you described the whole correlation between Fate, Chance, and Luck very interesting. I have never thought to look at fate in that way. Anyways, the chapter was pretty good, I did notice that you forgot to put a space between means and you (hehe). Also one of the following sentence didn't seem like it needed a comma to me:
''I think I do, sensei,'' Joseph replied slowly.
The way I read it was like: ''I think I do (pause) sensei,'' Joseph replied slowly. I feel like removing the comma would help the sentence flow better. You may have put it there by accident or to convey Joseph answering slowly, but I felt that it wasn't needed. Other than that everything else was great. Well thought out chapter, interesting chapter, and an old man with a sense of humor? What else could you ask for in 900 words.
ProjectPride
1PrideTheSparrowI'm starting to really enjoy these lessons. I found how you described the whole correlation between Fate, Chance, and Luck very interesting. I have never thought to look at fate in that way. Anyways, the chapter was pretty good, I did notice that you forgot to put a space between means and you (hehe). Also one of the following sentence didn't seem like it needed a comma to me:
''I think I do, sensei,'' Joseph replied slowly.
The way I read it was like: ''I think I do (pause) sensei,'' Joseph replied slowly. I feel like removing the comma would help the sentence flow better. You may have put it there by accident or to convey Joseph answering slowly, but I felt that it wasn't needed. Other than that everything else was great. Well thought out chapter, interesting chapter, and an old man with a sense of humor? What else could you ask for in 900 words.
ProjectPride
3/29/2015 c1 PrideTheSparrow
Greetings for le Roadhouse!
1. Firstly I'd like to thank you for reviewing my story.
2. Second, this is very good so far. I am really intrigued with the interaction between Wen and Joesph. Wen is such a unique character to me and I can't wait to read more about him. Also the way you portray the whole student/master things is really well done. I will continue to read as long as you continue to update regularly.
Greetings for le Roadhouse!
1. Firstly I'd like to thank you for reviewing my story.
2. Second, this is very good so far. I am really intrigued with the interaction between Wen and Joesph. Wen is such a unique character to me and I can't wait to read more about him. Also the way you portray the whole student/master things is really well done. I will continue to read as long as you continue to update regularly.
3/29/2015 c1 14Virtuella
Very nice start. I like the two characters, they represent a recognisable type and yet seem fully individual. I also enjoyed the slightly flippant, whimsical tone, exemplified in a sentence like, “What type of tea? One of Life's most difficult questions.” Ancient Wen has certainly got my reader’s approval for the way he handles the situation at the end of this chapter.
In the first few paragraphs, I felt you overdid it a bit with the adjectives and adverbs. The sentences were virtually bristling with them. I think less might be more in this case.
14VirtuellaVery nice start. I like the two characters, they represent a recognisable type and yet seem fully individual. I also enjoyed the slightly flippant, whimsical tone, exemplified in a sentence like, “What type of tea? One of Life's most difficult questions.” Ancient Wen has certainly got my reader’s approval for the way he handles the situation at the end of this chapter.
In the first few paragraphs, I felt you overdid it a bit with the adjectives and adverbs. The sentences were virtually bristling with them. I think less might be more in this case.
3/27/2015 c1 2Ghost Divsion
What sticks out to me about this chapter is the setting. Where your character interactions would suggest that this story takes place somewhere in the east, the deep south setting that you describe does a very good job throwing the reader off and making him unsure of what will happen next. I also enjoyed the ending of the chapter, because it makes the sensei seem like he isn't exactly as mystic and mysterious as he seems, but rather is making some of the stuff up he says as he goes and obeying and disregarding it at his own convenience. Overall it's a very good story and I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
2Ghost DivsionWhat sticks out to me about this chapter is the setting. Where your character interactions would suggest that this story takes place somewhere in the east, the deep south setting that you describe does a very good job throwing the reader off and making him unsure of what will happen next. I also enjoyed the ending of the chapter, because it makes the sensei seem like he isn't exactly as mystic and mysterious as he seems, but rather is making some of the stuff up he says as he goes and obeying and disregarding it at his own convenience. Overall it's a very good story and I'm looking forward to reading more of it.
3/25/2015 c1 3This Guy Again
Greetings from the roadhouse!
Your first paragraph painted a nice little picture in my mind of a mystic sprawling forest. Very nice. However I can't help but feeling that the ellipses is just unnecessary. A regular full stop at the end of the paragraph would work just fine. I like that you didn't just flat out spend a paragraph describing Wen, however I'd reconsider using the term' fu manchu moustache'. Yes, everybody know what one looks like, but I can't help but feel like it detracts from the atmosphere a little. Wispy would work just as well description-wise, and helps keep the general feeling you've already established.
[held it up to the dying light of the sunset no read...] I guess 'no' here should be 'to'?
Aside from that one instance, I didn't spot any errors when in spelling or grammar, so that's good! One thing I will note however, is that I found it difficult to see where the character's thoughts began and where they ended. It might be a good idea to italicise these thoughts or put them in quotation marks.
I'm not sure as to where this can go plot-wise, but I get the sense that it's less plot focused and more sort of anecdotal, so that's not really an issue.
I found the dialogue between Wen and Joseph to be believable, though I'm curious as to what kind of time period/world this is. You mention cans of tea and collapsible pots, both fairly modern things, and yet there's this Ancient sensei wondering around in a bamboo hat. Very interesting. I couldn't help but getting a kind of Lenny vibe from Joseph. As in, Of Mice and Men-Lenny. Kind of big but dumb and good-hearted.
Overall though, a good chapter.
-from the roadhouse
3This Guy AgainGreetings from the roadhouse!
Your first paragraph painted a nice little picture in my mind of a mystic sprawling forest. Very nice. However I can't help but feeling that the ellipses is just unnecessary. A regular full stop at the end of the paragraph would work just fine. I like that you didn't just flat out spend a paragraph describing Wen, however I'd reconsider using the term' fu manchu moustache'. Yes, everybody know what one looks like, but I can't help but feel like it detracts from the atmosphere a little. Wispy would work just as well description-wise, and helps keep the general feeling you've already established.
[held it up to the dying light of the sunset no read...] I guess 'no' here should be 'to'?
Aside from that one instance, I didn't spot any errors when in spelling or grammar, so that's good! One thing I will note however, is that I found it difficult to see where the character's thoughts began and where they ended. It might be a good idea to italicise these thoughts or put them in quotation marks.
I'm not sure as to where this can go plot-wise, but I get the sense that it's less plot focused and more sort of anecdotal, so that's not really an issue.
I found the dialogue between Wen and Joseph to be believable, though I'm curious as to what kind of time period/world this is. You mention cans of tea and collapsible pots, both fairly modern things, and yet there's this Ancient sensei wondering around in a bamboo hat. Very interesting. I couldn't help but getting a kind of Lenny vibe from Joseph. As in, Of Mice and Men-Lenny. Kind of big but dumb and good-hearted.
Overall though, a good chapter.
-from the roadhouse
3/22/2015 c1 Hedonistic Opportunist
This is interesting - it's not meant as an insult at all, but it's interesting as in 'different, unique'. I'm rather curious about the story: it seems to be a homage to 'Avatar: The Last Airbender' and 'Karate Kid', the former which I'm very fond of :) Whatever this story lastly is: I like the set-up you have here between the student and his mentor. You can already tell that they are close, and that the master is very fair, even if he does carry an air of strictness. I like that he's encouraging his student to think for himself. That's always the mark of a good mentor.
I like your descriptions: they are vivid, and you do a great job of letting us know where the characters are. I like that they are rich, but not distracting - nothing worse than descriptions that pull you out of a story. I like how much attention you pay to the characters' physical reactions as well, making this story seem more alive, and letting the characters' physical gesture speak for themselves.
I think your writing style is good too: you clearly know how to phrase things well, and your writing flows well. I especially like your dialogue: it is fitting for the circumstances, and doesn't sound too stilted.
This is interesting - it's not meant as an insult at all, but it's interesting as in 'different, unique'. I'm rather curious about the story: it seems to be a homage to 'Avatar: The Last Airbender' and 'Karate Kid', the former which I'm very fond of :) Whatever this story lastly is: I like the set-up you have here between the student and his mentor. You can already tell that they are close, and that the master is very fair, even if he does carry an air of strictness. I like that he's encouraging his student to think for himself. That's always the mark of a good mentor.
I like your descriptions: they are vivid, and you do a great job of letting us know where the characters are. I like that they are rich, but not distracting - nothing worse than descriptions that pull you out of a story. I like how much attention you pay to the characters' physical reactions as well, making this story seem more alive, and letting the characters' physical gesture speak for themselves.
I think your writing style is good too: you clearly know how to phrase things well, and your writing flows well. I especially like your dialogue: it is fitting for the circumstances, and doesn't sound too stilted.