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5/16/2015 c20 17Aza Marael
Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Just... All the fluff. All the ships. Hahaaaaa, yeeeessss.
5/14/2015 c20 17Akuma Kawashima
The poem was beautiful!~ And I'm loving all the romance! I can't wait until we see more shipping! XD
5/13/2015 c20 2Lost in the Light
Is your poem about Tristan; I bet Tesstan Thuesday... would be awesome! Also, my poem wasn't better :P Your's is equally awesome.

I see you used the hobble twice, close each other, you should have used a word like stagger.

Love the chapter. Seems Destiny isn't having any :D BUTTERFLY!
5/12/2015 c20 IronFistRocks
You go girls!
Destiny has had practice breaking arms. Watch out Jordan, Dagger's shouldn't be messed with.
5/10/2015 c19 DSoH Drake D
THe suspense got to me! I couldn't take only 99 reviews!
5/7/2015 c19 17Aza Marael
xD So much Haven. (Not that I'm complaining. They're adorable.) The kids seem to be having way too much fun with this (Grass tag, anyone?), while Tessa and Tristan are just dealing with one problem after another...
(Sorry for the late review, I haven't had any time lately.) I look forward to the next chapter! (And more ships. :3)
5/6/2015 c4 Eyes-Unblinded
I like how you integrated Prince Sven's view in this chapter, I can really feel his character in the diction choice. Although, it decreases a bit as the chapter goes on.

I think you should have put a line break after Queen Annalise says 'enchanters'. This should've been done to the rest of this First Act on Intros to begin with, it would at least improve the pacing by a bit and make reading less confusing.

I am also confused by the whole Gifted part. It was good exposition, but it appears like it's stated that the artifacts can only give people powers, but the story goes on as though the kids are being trained to become enchanters. Also, Tuesday's ability doesn't really sound like a power. Maybe giving them higher intuition or ability with plants, with locating and knowing the right ingredients to use with potions. Just a suggestion.

The Gifted part is an interesting development, but as stated, it's execution could have been done better. Hazel's last words don't make much sense here in response to the Wednesday Girl. Sounds like they're entering a competition or something.
5/6/2015 c3 Eyes-Unblinded
I like how you started on a dialogue with this, but then the hook shrinks. You just told us that the sister sucks at chess instead of showing us how she isn't getting the game. Have her move the pieces is ways they shouldn't be, make up her own rule, or confuse a rule.

Also, instead of writing that Jordan is talking patiently at the beginning, instead write how he's trying to be patient with his sister. Else than that, they have an interesting and believable interaction.

Again, you fluctuate with description. With settings, it's decent enough to give the reader a picture, but with other people, it's either nonexistent or merely listed off. I know that most of them are side characters, but they should get a small description, if only to paint a better picture of the life in Wednesday. Talk to the collaborators for more suggestions, if you wish.

I'm also a bit confused over the seating position in the car. At one point, too, Jordan states that he can that the clothes the other two wear definitely mean that they are from Thursday, but never elaborates on his perception. You've done a decent job showing us his view so far, see where you can use that more.

The pacing is a little better, but still a bit rushed and with some awkward sentences. I know that these first chapters are supposed to just be intros, but they're still very important. They show us where these people are all coming from and how we can understand, empathize, and root for them.

I do like how you ended this. There's already some suspicion between the search group. You do a good job of putting at least one thing in the chapters to keep interest.
5/6/2015 c19 IronFistRocks
Fluff and sweetness, and later more sweetness.
Haven is guessing at Destdan and AvisaxGarrett (Asia, Gavisa, Avett?) and are so right.
5/5/2015 c19 2Lost in the Light
:P, I would like Abel to have a romantic moment a potato. I'm not really being serious, but I have a feeling you might incorporate that somehow...

Yay, more Haven! Can't wait till the next chapter. Maybe they could go on a quadruple date :P, AvisaxGarrett, Destdan, Haven, and Abeltato...

What would their ship name be...

4/30/2015 c18 17Akuma Kawashima
To my peeps IronFistRocks and God of Potatoes, last time I checked Destiny was 13 right? How old is Jordan?

Shipping names: Jortiny, Destdan, Daggbel, Boom! Mic drop! XD
4/30/2015 c18 4omega1012
poor sven and hazel...
4/29/2015 c18 Guest
Iron, I already came up with Destdan XD. Nice try though...

But who knows, that might be 'Destdan' to be their ship name :D.

I'm crackin' myself up...
4/29/2015 c18 IronFistRocks
Ship names are my thing, God of Potatoes, but Destiny Dagger and Jordan Trabel are really hard to combine. Not like Haven (Hazel and Sven) which was way easy.
Ship names- Destdan, Tragger
4/29/2015 c18 IronFistRocks
1. Great. Just great. I wanna punch the king so hard.
2. Cool with whoever. Made up or not.
I love the 'thing' with Destiny and Jordan. I wanna see more of that.
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