for Fey of the Kept9/29/2015 c1 
14Scott Pilgrim
*grins and claps. Stops, and claps again*
Great chapter! I finally got around to reading this because I suck. Anyway, I loved this! So much happening that was so well explained, and I loved the way you slipped in the character details so subtly. The freaking scenery description! The Queens Plaza! *fingers fingers and does that fancy thing* And you say you can't write slice of life. Psht. What do ya think that little section oof description was? Straight up slice cut straight out of the Life-flavored pie.
Don't tell me you can't be descriptive when you sure as hell can. :p
As for the Greek translation, I would think about placing them in parantheses right after the quotes in Greek. Makes things easier on the reader so they don'tgotta be scrolling up and down constantly, ya dig?
Anyway, great story ;-;
Stay frosty,
Scotty P.
14Scott Pilgrim*grins and claps. Stops, and claps again*
Great chapter! I finally got around to reading this because I suck. Anyway, I loved this! So much happening that was so well explained, and I loved the way you slipped in the character details so subtly. The freaking scenery description! The Queens Plaza! *fingers fingers and does that fancy thing* And you say you can't write slice of life. Psht. What do ya think that little section oof description was? Straight up slice cut straight out of the Life-flavored pie.
Don't tell me you can't be descriptive when you sure as hell can. :p
As for the Greek translation, I would think about placing them in parantheses right after the quotes in Greek. Makes things easier on the reader so they don'tgotta be scrolling up and down constantly, ya dig?
Anyway, great story ;-;
Stay frosty,
Scotty P.
7/11/2015 c1 95Lilly-Deactivated
Hi, it's Lilly Bean!
YES! Did I ever mention how much I love this story?!
Admittedly, it's confusing with the Greek translations at the end. I don't know if you want that to make the story more interesting, force people to read to the end, or if it was just one of those, "well, might as well wait 'til the end," things. Either way, it's your choice, just wanted to point that out.
Now, onto the review-y portion of this! Yeah!
[Whoever it was that saved me from that-thing-had went smack dab into the gate and slid down, falling into the rocks that barely kept away from the river.]
{Whoever it was that saved me from that... thing, had went smack dab into the gate and slid down, falling into the rocks that barely kept away from the river.}
Not sure what you were trying to do there, but using the hyphens (-) make it a little awkward, in my opinion.
Honestly, I really didn't notice much at all. Maybe there was more, but I didn't notice. (Though, I am half-asleep right now...)
Really, a great story. I'd keep an eye out for run-on sentences, I noticed a few places where that could be an issue.
Other than that, and the other stuff I noted, I think this is excellent!
-Lil
95Lilly-DeactivatedHi, it's Lilly Bean!
YES! Did I ever mention how much I love this story?!
Admittedly, it's confusing with the Greek translations at the end. I don't know if you want that to make the story more interesting, force people to read to the end, or if it was just one of those, "well, might as well wait 'til the end," things. Either way, it's your choice, just wanted to point that out.
Now, onto the review-y portion of this! Yeah!
[Whoever it was that saved me from that-thing-had went smack dab into the gate and slid down, falling into the rocks that barely kept away from the river.]
{Whoever it was that saved me from that... thing, had went smack dab into the gate and slid down, falling into the rocks that barely kept away from the river.}
Not sure what you were trying to do there, but using the hyphens (-) make it a little awkward, in my opinion.
Honestly, I really didn't notice much at all. Maybe there was more, but I didn't notice. (Though, I am half-asleep right now...)
Really, a great story. I'd keep an eye out for run-on sentences, I noticed a few places where that could be an issue.
Other than that, and the other stuff I noted, I think this is excellent!
-Lil
7/5/2015 c1 8LorrahBear
This is a really solid start! I like how you opened with action, using it to throw your audience into the story just as surely as Sera had been tossed into this.
My only suggestion would be to have the Greek translated in the actual story instead of at the end. Maybe use italics to show it's a translation?
8LorrahBearThis is a really solid start! I like how you opened with action, using it to throw your audience into the story just as surely as Sera had been tossed into this.
My only suggestion would be to have the Greek translated in the actual story instead of at the end. Maybe use italics to show it's a translation?
6/21/2015 c2 95Lilly-Deactivated
YES! YAYAYAYAY!
ahem, right. I'm reviewing.
Well, Red, I love this story, and the idea.
I didn't really notice any mistakes, although I read through quickly.
All in all, loved it!
95Lilly-DeactivatedYES! YAYAYAYAY!
ahem, right. I'm reviewing.
Well, Red, I love this story, and the idea.
I didn't really notice any mistakes, although I read through quickly.
All in all, loved it!
4/13/2015 c1 I love mythology
You're a very detailed writer. I like it.
You're a very detailed writer. I like it.