for Tempus Fugit4/24/2018 c1 
157LeagionFear
Not so keen on this one, it seems you have grown since this was published, I much prefer your later work
157LeagionFearNot so keen on this one, it seems you have grown since this was published, I much prefer your later work
6/10/2016 c1 kumamon
As usual, you don't bother with the minor details, and just focus on getting your plot across. I suppose I quite like reading your works, they're completely different from mine. It's a nice change of pace. The beginning hints at a melancholy and nostalgic setting, with a bittersweet undertone. Like a forgotten memory of a childhood sweetheart resurfacing. The conversation that follows kinda proves my point. After all, promises are like pie crusts - they are made to be broken.
But then the second conversation. The language there is less smooth. Eg. 'You need (a) rest.' Did you mean '(to) rest'? I also noticed an inconsistency of tenses. It's a very common mistake, trust me (I'm also guilty of committing it, but I've took down that piece, it was a train wreck). I've learned to reread my story each time I edit it, so my mistakes are gradually dwindling. The ending. Returning to what I said before, melancholy and nostalgic. The childhood friend is gone.
Funny thing is, I think the author's companion wasn't a friend. My theory is that the author and their friend were both in a hospital ward, and the friend has been there longer. Fighting cancer, perhaps? Not many come out unscathed, and they fully understand the importance of time. When the author left, the author was probably cured of whatever illness they had.
Your story got me thinking, good work. I look forward to reading more from you! See you at the Roadhouse!
As usual, you don't bother with the minor details, and just focus on getting your plot across. I suppose I quite like reading your works, they're completely different from mine. It's a nice change of pace. The beginning hints at a melancholy and nostalgic setting, with a bittersweet undertone. Like a forgotten memory of a childhood sweetheart resurfacing. The conversation that follows kinda proves my point. After all, promises are like pie crusts - they are made to be broken.
But then the second conversation. The language there is less smooth. Eg. 'You need (a) rest.' Did you mean '(to) rest'? I also noticed an inconsistency of tenses. It's a very common mistake, trust me (I'm also guilty of committing it, but I've took down that piece, it was a train wreck). I've learned to reread my story each time I edit it, so my mistakes are gradually dwindling. The ending. Returning to what I said before, melancholy and nostalgic. The childhood friend is gone.
Funny thing is, I think the author's companion wasn't a friend. My theory is that the author and their friend were both in a hospital ward, and the friend has been there longer. Fighting cancer, perhaps? Not many come out unscathed, and they fully understand the importance of time. When the author left, the author was probably cured of whatever illness they had.
Your story got me thinking, good work. I look forward to reading more from you! See you at the Roadhouse!
6/9/2016 c1 1RedRobot
Wow! I was not expecting to end up feeling incredibly sad after reading this, but that's a good thing! The concept is great, and it makes me wish it was a bit more fleshed out so I could read more about their relationship. Why did they leave? How come they only recently found out the other was dead? Lot's of questions left unanswered, though you may or may not have done that on purpose. Anyways, it was great!
1RedRobotWow! I was not expecting to end up feeling incredibly sad after reading this, but that's a good thing! The concept is great, and it makes me wish it was a bit more fleshed out so I could read more about their relationship. Why did they leave? How come they only recently found out the other was dead? Lot's of questions left unanswered, though you may or may not have done that on purpose. Anyways, it was great!
6/8/2016 c1 2R.M.Spencer
The thing that I like the most about this is that it has something like a story-telling element to it. , like a first person Scheherazade. Because you never name the "face" it feels almost removed, which creates a unique delivery. I would normally say that there are quite a few incomplete sentences, but they contribute to the overall cadence as well.
The one thing that was difficult to follow, because of the annonymous second party, was the flow of the dialogue. Contrary to my general preferences I like the minimal use of dialogue tags, but I think you do need to add a few more for the sake of clarity.
Lastly, and maybe I am missing something really obvious, but I am not sure what happened. Did the other person die and the narrator looks at his/her old facebook? Did the narrator leave or was he/she left? To me, it was a bit unclear.
Overall thought, there is something really beautiful and sad about this. The narrative style that you chose was spot on. Is this a one-shot or will there be more?
2R.M.SpencerThe thing that I like the most about this is that it has something like a story-telling element to it. , like a first person Scheherazade. Because you never name the "face" it feels almost removed, which creates a unique delivery. I would normally say that there are quite a few incomplete sentences, but they contribute to the overall cadence as well.
The one thing that was difficult to follow, because of the annonymous second party, was the flow of the dialogue. Contrary to my general preferences I like the minimal use of dialogue tags, but I think you do need to add a few more for the sake of clarity.
Lastly, and maybe I am missing something really obvious, but I am not sure what happened. Did the other person die and the narrator looks at his/her old facebook? Did the narrator leave or was he/she left? To me, it was a bit unclear.
Overall thought, there is something really beautiful and sad about this. The narrative style that you chose was spot on. Is this a one-shot or will there be more?
5/16/2016 c1 5ignicaeli
The text is really good, and manages to draw out genuine emotions from the reader (Weirdly enough, made me think about my parents... Eh).
The inevitable, and uncaring caress of time. Stripping away our youth, our loved ones, our memories... Loss. You've done a good job at grasping this concept. That we're all bound to become faint memories to those left behind, and that we must enjoy things while we can.
The fact that it was all written in first person just adds to drawing in the reader. Congrats on pulling this off so well.
~ From The Review Crusade Forum
5ignicaeliThe text is really good, and manages to draw out genuine emotions from the reader (Weirdly enough, made me think about my parents... Eh).
The inevitable, and uncaring caress of time. Stripping away our youth, our loved ones, our memories... Loss. You've done a good job at grasping this concept. That we're all bound to become faint memories to those left behind, and that we must enjoy things while we can.
The fact that it was all written in first person just adds to drawing in the reader. Congrats on pulling this off so well.
~ From The Review Crusade Forum
5/9/2016 c1 26Jane Glass
This is beautiful! I love how sad this is. And the words paint the scene really well. I'm sure everyone has thought about how time flies by, once or twice, so this story is very understandable.
26Jane GlassThis is beautiful! I love how sad this is. And the words paint the scene really well. I'm sure everyone has thought about how time flies by, once or twice, so this story is very understandable.
11/8/2015 c1 3This Guy Again
I saw this title come up a few times in the roadhouse and figured it'd be a good place to restart my foray into the whole reviewing game. It seems I made the right choice! This whole piece was generally just a joy to read.
The first thing I generally do as a reviewer is keep an eye out for spelling/grammar mistakes, issues with punctuation and things like that. I really love it when I come across something that's as well proof-read as this :D I couldn't spot a thing wrong with it.
The short and snappy pacing really (whether intentionally or otherwise) ties in nicely with the title and theme. I felt the dialogue was effortlessly realistic and I loved description in the memory of the field. Despite being quite minimal, I found myself visualising the scene in a way that sometimes isn't achieved when things are described in minute detail.
One final thing that I found to be quite clever was the fact that you never explicitly mention any genders for either of these characters. This could really be anyone, and that's something that really helps make this piece feel emotive and relatable.
Again, this piece was really enjoyable, and I'm glad I decided to check it out!
3This Guy AgainI saw this title come up a few times in the roadhouse and figured it'd be a good place to restart my foray into the whole reviewing game. It seems I made the right choice! This whole piece was generally just a joy to read.
The first thing I generally do as a reviewer is keep an eye out for spelling/grammar mistakes, issues with punctuation and things like that. I really love it when I come across something that's as well proof-read as this :D I couldn't spot a thing wrong with it.
The short and snappy pacing really (whether intentionally or otherwise) ties in nicely with the title and theme. I felt the dialogue was effortlessly realistic and I loved description in the memory of the field. Despite being quite minimal, I found myself visualising the scene in a way that sometimes isn't achieved when things are described in minute detail.
One final thing that I found to be quite clever was the fact that you never explicitly mention any genders for either of these characters. This could really be anyone, and that's something that really helps make this piece feel emotive and relatable.
Again, this piece was really enjoyable, and I'm glad I decided to check it out!
11/6/2015 c1 9Waxing Shadow
This is very interesting. I've hardly seen on this site a story that captures
9Waxing ShadowThis is very interesting. I've hardly seen on this site a story that captures
11/4/2015 c1 19Ckh
Well, seeing that I have already decided on "free reviewing" your other story, would feel kinda bad if I just posted that on the roadhouse.
Instead, I will be reviewing this story instead (keyword is "review")\
Really interesting title you got there. At first glance it seems like some Mushroom species but upon reading the the story, the readers get a better understanding of what it means and the suitability of it as a title. I appreciate you as the author for describing the title's actual meaning and I commend you for finding such an unique phrase. (which leaves me to ponder, did you think of the title first and decided to make a story based on that, or did you write the story first.)
The writing here is good as always, enabling the readers to "feel" the persona, her thoughts and everything. The emphasis seems to be based on depression/romance and stuff, and is quite clearly shown to the audience. It seems subtle yet clear at the same time, like a extended version of some poetry of sorts.
Overall, I really enjoyed the story and I recommend it for a good read.
Thanks for the read!
-Ckh
From the Roadhouse
19CkhWell, seeing that I have already decided on "free reviewing" your other story, would feel kinda bad if I just posted that on the roadhouse.
Instead, I will be reviewing this story instead (keyword is "review")\
Really interesting title you got there. At first glance it seems like some Mushroom species but upon reading the the story, the readers get a better understanding of what it means and the suitability of it as a title. I appreciate you as the author for describing the title's actual meaning and I commend you for finding such an unique phrase. (which leaves me to ponder, did you think of the title first and decided to make a story based on that, or did you write the story first.)
The writing here is good as always, enabling the readers to "feel" the persona, her thoughts and everything. The emphasis seems to be based on depression/romance and stuff, and is quite clearly shown to the audience. It seems subtle yet clear at the same time, like a extended version of some poetry of sorts.
Overall, I really enjoyed the story and I recommend it for a good read.
Thanks for the read!
-Ckh
From the Roadhouse
10/17/2015 c1 2LizzieS
Wonderful story, as odd as it is my favorite part was the dialogue. The old phrase "short and sweet" comes to mind and I think this story captured the aspect.
I also love the message about how short time is, especially since I'm facing that reality now. Despite the fact we have no names for the characters, you can still feel a connection to them especially if you've gone through something similar.
All in all, a wonderful piece of literature :D
2LizzieSWonderful story, as odd as it is my favorite part was the dialogue. The old phrase "short and sweet" comes to mind and I think this story captured the aspect.
I also love the message about how short time is, especially since I'm facing that reality now. Despite the fact we have no names for the characters, you can still feel a connection to them especially if you've gone through something similar.
All in all, a wonderful piece of literature :D
10/13/2015 c1 2Dabble.Pie
I really enjoyed this! It's definitely unique and unconventional compared to many other romance based genres. My absolute favorite parts were the dialogue. It said so much with short and simple words. There's something about it that made it ten times more real for me.
The ending - also phenomenal! The narrator describing so well of what freedom of the mind can do, and how long it preserves memories despite the ticking clock. I really enjoyed this read! :)
2Dabble.PieI really enjoyed this! It's definitely unique and unconventional compared to many other romance based genres. My absolute favorite parts were the dialogue. It said so much with short and simple words. There's something about it that made it ten times more real for me.
The ending - also phenomenal! The narrator describing so well of what freedom of the mind can do, and how long it preserves memories despite the ticking clock. I really enjoyed this read! :)
5/15/2015 c1 6HarryPotterForever3
Really GOOD! I liked it because it was descriptive and it has a good message to try not to waste time because we don't have infinity to be together living. Try and make it memorable. Frozen in time we shall stand forevermore. :)
6HarryPotterForever3Really GOOD! I liked it because it was descriptive and it has a good message to try not to waste time because we don't have infinity to be together living. Try and make it memorable. Frozen in time we shall stand forevermore. :)
5/15/2015 c1 brandedinferno
This is really sweet, and I like that there's that recurring phrase, and the way you pull life into your story. It was really good. I didn't see anything spelling incorrectly or anything else, it was really, really good. I also like that you used a sort of fuzzy description, something that lets people see this the way their mind wants to, it was really good. Maybe check out one of my stories?
This is really sweet, and I like that there's that recurring phrase, and the way you pull life into your story. It was really good. I didn't see anything spelling incorrectly or anything else, it was really, really good. I also like that you used a sort of fuzzy description, something that lets people see this the way their mind wants to, it was really good. Maybe check out one of my stories?