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for the war to end all wars

8/6/2016 c1 Bugs Bunny
Wabbits eat carrots.
10/5/2015 c1 crazypiguy
Thought I'd check this site out again... poetry is always refreshing after studying, or more like half-studying, after a semester.

I really like the beginning. Nice use of enumeratio and leaving out spaces to jumble all the descriptors together to illustrate how the narrator's life is just as confused and jumbled. I like how she ends each train of thought with a chaotic mess of words. It really highlights how unsure she is of what to do. It better illustrates that she has lost her way and her life is blurred and monotonically declining. This is further reinforced by how the entire poem is just an entire stream of consciousness and she doesn't blurt out anything in a particular order. The only order inherent in the poem, since there are no neat stanzas or rhyme scheme or anything, is just that it gets worse the more you read on.

I especially love your play on words "the war to end all wars" alludes to world war one, referencing the catastrophic war that went nowhere (cause of stalemate trenches). It seems as if the narrator's struggle is futile. Parallelism further highlights this point as your dreams, embodied in "many things, but the things, or thing, or nothing, or everything" are all "out of reach, out of hope, out of sight, out of time". Coining your own words like "average-est" and not using any capitals (or spaces sometimes) reflects the lack of rules and inherent disorder in the narrator's life. There are no rules - not even grammar ones.

The first line almost reminds me of a poem called "Barbie Doll" by Marge Piercy. They both utilize the third person perspective to bring a surreal sense to the poem. It's almost as if you as the audience are watching helplessly as the tragedy unfolds itself. The fact that you are forced to observe from the outside makes it all the more tragic. Also, it reads like a eulogy or an old wives tale set in the past, where again the audience is given a sense of powerlessness to help. It's all written in past tense and that she's just a vague "girl who tried" but ultimately succumbed to her inner demons. It makes me feel as if I am looking over her casket at a funeral. It's quite intimate. She's already dead (not really, but we get the feeling) it seems.

It's so neat and thrilling to read through how a "smart and serious" girl in the beginning turns out to be more and more disturbed as the poem reads on, until she eventually becomes "a hope from a possibility" and "out of hope" and "one hundred times fucking infinity". It's funny - or should I say punny haha - that the narrator repeats "what the hell" and "where the hell" in two consecutive lines because she is in hell. Her life is hell. Maybe the swearing went a little overboard at the end there. Just sayin'.

When I read over the last words "all she has is/ herself" I held my breath for a while. All she has is herself? So it was all in her mind? Whoa. If I didn't read that last line maybe, just maybe, I would have thought she was killed (metaphorically, of course) by something else like her parental pressures or some abstract medical reason. But in fact, it was all in her mind. Her behavior cycled around and around until she eventually turned (relatively) insane. The narrator gets really crazy at the end as she swears off her head "one hundred times fucking infinity" and gives "one hundred times nothing percent". The italics and numbers emphasize that she's completely lost herself by the end. It was spiral of losing hope in her future and then beating herself up emotionally, leading her to lose more hope and beat herself up more. It's like an infinite loop with no loop invariant, it just feeds itself.

I really like this poem. Truth be told, this is my favorite of all of the ones you've written. It starts out nice and melodic but progressively gets angrier and more confused until it reaches the end. It's interesting how she may not be able to even tell reality from dreams. Continual allusion to her "dream from a future" and "an imaginary later" makes me think that maybe it's her dreams that kill her.

Maybe she is just disappointed in herself, or disappointed in her future (at least what she sees of it). Allusions to wishes, possibilities, dreams, and hope that are all somehow "out of reach" depict how her feelings about the future tear her apart. Just to be fair, I should probably write a thesis statement like my teacher taught me back in the days of high school. I probably missed a fair bit of things, but I think analyzing everything I see (like every word since this is a pretty emotionally charged poem) will write an analysis ten times longer than the poem itself.

Okay, so here it goes:
In the "war to end all wars", the Siege illustrates how losing hope is an inherently inescapable process, which when the loss of hope is tied to an individual's perception of her future, leads to an uncontrollable and self-destructive spiral. The Siege underscores the progressive, spiralling nature of losing hope and depicts the narrator's inability to distinguish reality from dream (or future).

If I had to write an essay, I'd probably use this thesis statement to write it. Not that I'd write an essay, of course. And I'm not even sure it's a good enough thesis - it's been a while since I've written an English essay okaaaayyy. But SERIOUSLY, I think this truly is an amazing work of art. I cannot reiterate how truly gifted you are of a poet. I know it may have taken you countless hours to write this one poem, but trust me when I say IT IS AMAZING AND DEFINITELY WORTH IT.

- KEEP IT UP SIEGE!

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