for A Broken Heart6/22/2015 c1 
3samcam
Wow ... such a lot of emotion explained with so little! I can see the protagonist in my head. Beautiful and fierce but broken. Confused and disappointed that her dreams didn't deliver. Craving more from life but not sure if she deserves to expect it. Hating that she cannot trust easily, but also finding comfort and protection in the barrier and independence she maintains. Wishing somebody would take her hand confidently and lead her through the pain she feels and help her grow. It makes me wish I could tell her to believe in herself, to recognise that friends do care for her even though she keeps them out, to seize her desire and follow it. Honest and powerful writing.
3samcamWow ... such a lot of emotion explained with so little! I can see the protagonist in my head. Beautiful and fierce but broken. Confused and disappointed that her dreams didn't deliver. Craving more from life but not sure if she deserves to expect it. Hating that she cannot trust easily, but also finding comfort and protection in the barrier and independence she maintains. Wishing somebody would take her hand confidently and lead her through the pain she feels and help her grow. It makes me wish I could tell her to believe in herself, to recognise that friends do care for her even though she keeps them out, to seize her desire and follow it. Honest and powerful writing.
6/21/2015 c1 4DreamsMatter
This is interesting...Are you planning on expanding on this and creating a story, or is this the final product? Either way, certain sentences could be structured differently or rephrased.
For example:
"the dreams she dreamt for" should be changed to "dreams she dreamt of"
Overall a very relatable concept. Once you clean up your grammar I'm sure that you will continue to grow into a strong writer!
Keep up the good work, and if you have time maybe check out my stories!
~DreamsMatter
4DreamsMatterThis is interesting...Are you planning on expanding on this and creating a story, or is this the final product? Either way, certain sentences could be structured differently or rephrased.
For example:
"the dreams she dreamt for" should be changed to "dreams she dreamt of"
Overall a very relatable concept. Once you clean up your grammar I'm sure that you will continue to grow into a strong writer!
Keep up the good work, and if you have time maybe check out my stories!
~DreamsMatter