for Sewing and Folding7/15/2015 c1 
1Elle Pacific
Have you ever read Harrison Bergeron? Also a wonderful story, slightly like this. Great job with word choice and with characters as well. I love the idea of gifts being classified as defects and I really love how to take a not so original idea (a dystopian future, work camps) and really turn it into something your and special and interesting to read.
This is a really wonderful start or finish! I don't know wether you plan to continue but either way it was a great story!
I think you, my friend, are also a very talented writer. I loved the details and descriptions and the characters were all so riveting and fresh they seemed to speak for themselves! Your narrator is very different then a lot of YA Dystopian protagonists you see and it was a exciting story from beginning to end.
I look forward to reading more by you and am very excited to have found this.
1Elle PacificHave you ever read Harrison Bergeron? Also a wonderful story, slightly like this. Great job with word choice and with characters as well. I love the idea of gifts being classified as defects and I really love how to take a not so original idea (a dystopian future, work camps) and really turn it into something your and special and interesting to read.
This is a really wonderful start or finish! I don't know wether you plan to continue but either way it was a great story!
I think you, my friend, are also a very talented writer. I loved the details and descriptions and the characters were all so riveting and fresh they seemed to speak for themselves! Your narrator is very different then a lot of YA Dystopian protagonists you see and it was a exciting story from beginning to end.
I look forward to reading more by you and am very excited to have found this.
7/14/2015 c1 Mars Z. Pan
Voted for you in the WCC! This feels like a take on slavery & civil rights in some ways, it seems very pointed. I'd be interested if this was developed into a short story or even a novel, I always like to see the differences between a dystopian society and ours.
I'd love to see the world fleshed out some more. Keep it up~
Voted for you in the WCC! This feels like a take on slavery & civil rights in some ways, it seems very pointed. I'd be interested if this was developed into a short story or even a novel, I always like to see the differences between a dystopian society and ours.
I'd love to see the world fleshed out some more. Keep it up~
7/6/2015 c1 13alltheeagles
This is pretty grim, but it's well structured and the plot is very clear. I think the spare style of writing works for the Dystopian theme. Would Tara play dead and heal herself to escape later? I hope so.
13alltheeaglesThis is pretty grim, but it's well structured and the plot is very clear. I think the spare style of writing works for the Dystopian theme. Would Tara play dead and heal herself to escape later? I hope so.
7/3/2015 c1 6Fractal Flaws
This was great! I loved how direct and crisp the plot and it's delivery was - embellished appropriately as well. The characters seemed well thought out - I'd like to see this develop into a full length novel some day, if things were to go the the way. Just a thought
Keep up the good work!
6Fractal FlawsThis was great! I loved how direct and crisp the plot and it's delivery was - embellished appropriately as well. The characters seemed well thought out - I'd like to see this develop into a full length novel some day, if things were to go the the way. Just a thought
Keep up the good work!
7/1/2015 c1 8LorrahBear
Whoa! That was an ending I didn't see coming. This was very well written, and enjoyable too. I wish there was a smoother introduction to what a defect was, but I found myself genuinely caring about your chatacters.
One point of confusion for me was Vivian. you say she can only speak telepathically if she's touching someone, but later that appears not true.
Maybe she's not really dead, as she auto heals...
8LorrahBearWhoa! That was an ending I didn't see coming. This was very well written, and enjoyable too. I wish there was a smoother introduction to what a defect was, but I found myself genuinely caring about your chatacters.
One point of confusion for me was Vivian. you say she can only speak telepathically if she's touching someone, but later that appears not true.
Maybe she's not really dead, as she auto heals...