for Tremors5/7/2016 c118 Idle Illusions
This was amazing! I loved Leo, and, while I do wish for something more, I think that the ending fit the tone of the story well. Thank you so much for writing this!
This was amazing! I loved Leo, and, while I do wish for something more, I think that the ending fit the tone of the story well. Thank you so much for writing this!
11/17/2015 c9 
1mulrune
Read through a few chapters and great so far. It's a little jarring to read nothing but dialog at first, but one gets used to it after a bit.
1mulruneRead through a few chapters and great so far. It's a little jarring to read nothing but dialog at first, but one gets used to it after a bit.
9/11/2015 c22 2Aske Nat
While I am all for experimenting with storytelling through dialogue, doing so can be quite tricky; it is, for instance, very difficult to show emotions when just using speech, unless you come out right and say, “I’m happy,” or, “I’m sad,” etc. Just think of texting – there is a reason why emoticons were invented.
I like your idea quite a lot, but I would wish for a bit more emotion to be shown. Not only are your chapters very short, the lines are as well, and I think that working to expand on the dialogue in order to show a bit more of the character’s personalities would really go a long way.
Normally, I would’ve reviewed the first chapter, but I felt it necessary to read half of the posted chapters before I had enough feel for the story to actually do so – again, the chapters are very short. You don’t necessarily need to make all of them longer, but you could work with varying lengths that would also serve to give a more natural flow. Think of it as a diary where the length of the entries reflects if something important has happened.
I still like the fundamental idea of this and will definitely read the rest, and probably also what comes next, but a bit of work here and there could do a world of difference.
Happy writing.
2Aske NatWhile I am all for experimenting with storytelling through dialogue, doing so can be quite tricky; it is, for instance, very difficult to show emotions when just using speech, unless you come out right and say, “I’m happy,” or, “I’m sad,” etc. Just think of texting – there is a reason why emoticons were invented.
I like your idea quite a lot, but I would wish for a bit more emotion to be shown. Not only are your chapters very short, the lines are as well, and I think that working to expand on the dialogue in order to show a bit more of the character’s personalities would really go a long way.
Normally, I would’ve reviewed the first chapter, but I felt it necessary to read half of the posted chapters before I had enough feel for the story to actually do so – again, the chapters are very short. You don’t necessarily need to make all of them longer, but you could work with varying lengths that would also serve to give a more natural flow. Think of it as a diary where the length of the entries reflects if something important has happened.
I still like the fundamental idea of this and will definitely read the rest, and probably also what comes next, but a bit of work here and there could do a world of difference.
Happy writing.
7/15/2015 c1 Gino Riccardi
The best writing advice I ever received was, "show, don't tell." I enjoyed the line, "She is plagued by earthquakes. Perhaps expand on that and then pan over to the man in the next room who is being kept awake by her anxiety attacks. Then there could be a scene in the morning that showcases the "loving banter."
Draw it out. The simplest idea could be expounded upon and carved into great literature.
The best writing advice I ever received was, "show, don't tell." I enjoyed the line, "She is plagued by earthquakes. Perhaps expand on that and then pan over to the man in the next room who is being kept awake by her anxiety attacks. Then there could be a scene in the morning that showcases the "loving banter."
Draw it out. The simplest idea could be expounded upon and carved into great literature.
7/13/2015 c2 1Imaginekta
The idea for this is amazing- you have a way with originality! I don't know, you just weave words in such a way that the reader falls in love with them.
This might be a bit fast paced? I think that is intentional, but I am curious if maybe you could add the slightest bit of more detail.
Other than that, this is as amazing as the rest of your writing! Keep it up :)
1ImaginektaThe idea for this is amazing- you have a way with originality! I don't know, you just weave words in such a way that the reader falls in love with them.
This might be a bit fast paced? I think that is intentional, but I am curious if maybe you could add the slightest bit of more detail.
Other than that, this is as amazing as the rest of your writing! Keep it up :)
7/11/2015 c5 2Ms Eternal Dream
Hello!
First of all I'm going to apologize because I'm not english and this message will have some mistakes.
Now, I really like how this story sounds, tought it was going to be a bit complicated to follow because the change in the letters to different characters but it's not and I think I'm going to love this story, seems interesting, and I'm not counting the cliffhanger with the: "I trusted you, and you lied to me."
Well, nice to read you
2Ms Eternal DreamHello!
First of all I'm going to apologize because I'm not english and this message will have some mistakes.
Now, I really like how this story sounds, tought it was going to be a bit complicated to follow because the change in the letters to different characters but it's not and I think I'm going to love this story, seems interesting, and I'm not counting the cliffhanger with the: "I trusted you, and you lied to me."
Well, nice to read you
7/6/2015 c3 8LorrahBear
You've chosen an interesting format. I do wish we got to feel more of what they experienced, but this is a solid start. I hope to see more!
8LorrahBearYou've chosen an interesting format. I do wish we got to feel more of what they experienced, but this is a solid start. I hope to see more!
7/2/2015 c1 LittleDeadFly
At first I thought it was a drabble, but it read more like a summary, and reaching the author's note I see it is a small piece of a larger story. I'm on the fence with this. The plot does sound interesting, but the first chapter, er summary?, is way too short to stand on its own.
At first I thought it was a drabble, but it read more like a summary, and reaching the author's note I see it is a small piece of a larger story. I'm on the fence with this. The plot does sound interesting, but the first chapter, er summary?, is way too short to stand on its own.