for Meeting the Fam7/6/2015 c1 LittleDeadFly
[I had a one should white shimmery dress]
Not sure what this passage was trying to say.
[thanksgiving]
It should be capitalized, since it's the name of a holiday.
[4 months]
Make sure to write out numbers with letters.
[By the time I got there I knew I was soaked. But for some reason I still knocked.]
'But for some reason' really? The mom and other members of the family would understand considering they too can see it's pouring out and there wouldn't be that many close parking spaces.
[A woman I knew had to be Ben's mother opened the door "Hello, how may I help you?" She sounded confused and slightly scared. I could understand why, a girl looking like a drowned rat was on her porch randomly during a massive storm. It didn't help my self esteem that she was dressed exquisitely in a black cocktail dress.]
Again, why would the mom be confused and scared? She's clearly expecting company because it's a party, so again, visitors wouldn't exactly be random.
[I had a one should white shimmery dress]
Not sure what this passage was trying to say.
[thanksgiving]
It should be capitalized, since it's the name of a holiday.
[4 months]
Make sure to write out numbers with letters.
[By the time I got there I knew I was soaked. But for some reason I still knocked.]
'But for some reason' really? The mom and other members of the family would understand considering they too can see it's pouring out and there wouldn't be that many close parking spaces.
[A woman I knew had to be Ben's mother opened the door "Hello, how may I help you?" She sounded confused and slightly scared. I could understand why, a girl looking like a drowned rat was on her porch randomly during a massive storm. It didn't help my self esteem that she was dressed exquisitely in a black cocktail dress.]
Again, why would the mom be confused and scared? She's clearly expecting company because it's a party, so again, visitors wouldn't exactly be random.