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for Life as I know it

7/16/2015 c1 20Ventracere
Initially I would have said that with all the short opening sentences, it was a bit stuttering-like? But I think you make it work in your favor. The way the protagonist thinks is like a stream of conciousness as she moves around her day, go here, see this, see the dog, etc. And it gives this monotonous kind of mood that you're aiming for. So instead of making the prose seem like it lacks the flow of a chapter, you enhance the mood even further. Nice.

Another thing I liked was the dog. Ahah, Of all the things you had in here, the dog stuck out to me. particularly because it was called Lucky and in actuality it's a "very unlucky dog". It's a small piece of the puzzle you've painted, but I think it highlights just how "dead" everything seems. It's like everyone is pretending, wherein actuality they're already here in this kind of "doomsday" monotonous place. Nice hint there.

"Well there is no point to dreaming anymore, because we're already living in an apocalypse. We're already somebody's unfortunate dystopian world come true." - fantastic last line. That's strong and you certainly aren't pulling any punches. I think this captures the "walking dead" feel as you have put it and sums up the entire chapter nicely in two neat sentences. It's certainly food for thought.

Thanks for the read!
7/14/2015 c1 13alltheeagles
RG EF

It's hard to tell if this is a 'real life' story or a metaphorical take on how self-centred we've all become. I like that it works either way, actually, but I'm leaning towards the metaphorical take. If it were a 'real' story, I'd expect some clues on what happened, and a detail or two about where the bread and ham are coming from, at the very least. Who plants the wheat/raises the animals if they're all shambling around? The supply chain would've broken down long ago.

I also like Lucky - I don't mean that I like the poor pooch's fate, but I like how you use its story to further accentuate the bleakness of the situation. That little tidbit about Lucky waiting to go home struck a chord with me.
7/13/2015 c1 7Lie Ono
Wow. I really want more of this; it's that good!
Keep writing!

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