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7/27/2015 c1 63yanz
The theme of the poem is something most of us can relate to, I think, about how times have changed and how kids grow up too fast. I like that you evoke that through personal experiences, that gives the poem more depth and feeling.

I think the poem actually flows pretty well, especially the second half of it when you start getting into the rhythm of it, somewhere around "and then one day...". I think the division of stanzas can feel a little arbitrary at times, though, but overall I like it.

Also - I especially liked your last four lines, I thought it summed up the feeling of the poem really well and was a powerful way to finish up.
7/19/2015 c1 14Shampoo Suicide
I like that the scope got more and more personal as the poem went on, when you opened rather generally (examples like Starbucks and growing up sans the ubiquitous technology). There was a shift after "We thought we'd be best friends forever" towards that feeling. I think making it more personal was a good touch because it still speaks to your larger point but feels more intimate at the same time.

I really like the overall theme, as well. The contrast between the childhood experiences illustrated and the young adulthood is well defined and helped make the point clear. This is a solid narrative for a poem, which I really liked! Well done.
7/17/2015 c1 14Virtuella
Times have changed indeed. You include some good examples of that. Personally, I think McDonalds and Starbucks are one as bad as the other, but I get your point about children growing up too quickly. When we were children, there seemed to be so much more time to play than nowadays.

I like the scenes you are evoking, in particular the one about stealing the socks and arranging them as a smiley face. And it’s true, such a harmless prank would give a sensitive child a dreadful conscience.

The contrast between childhood and a very different adult experience is well worked out. There is a sense of resignation this young woman feels. She hasn’t even met her husband yet but she is already thinking of the divorce. Growing up seems to have been a big disappointment for her.

I am not too keen on the format of the text. The rhymes feel a little grating. Perhaps it would work better as prose.
7/17/2015 c1 9Air Rey
Nice! This is a good read!

I like the narrative of the poem. It's compelling and deep. I can see many people relating with the narrative of your poem.

The imagery, though I find them a bit too literal for a poem, is very effective in portraying the theme you wish to convey. The build up of images is subtle and drives the reader to visualize the poem. This also makes your poem easy to relate with.

Lastly, I like the rhythm and glide in every verse. It allows the reader to digest what you wish to say. The rhythm gives the poem a non-preachy tone, yet it delivers a truth in a manner that ebbs deep and lasting.

Thanks for such a compelling poem! Good work! :)

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