for They Call Me Carrot-Top8/17/2015 c11 Fierce Ookami
its very nice that Sophie is able to have a good time with her sister, I just hope it doesn't blow up in her face.
-Fierce Ookami
its very nice that Sophie is able to have a good time with her sister, I just hope it doesn't blow up in her face.
-Fierce Ookami
8/8/2015 c10 Fierce Ookami
Its nice that sophie is getting along with bonnie but i have a bad feeling lol. Can't wait for the next chapter!
-Fierce Ookami
Its nice that sophie is getting along with bonnie but i have a bad feeling lol. Can't wait for the next chapter!
-Fierce Ookami
8/4/2015 c1 
13alltheeagles
RG EF
The MC's voice comes across very strongly, as well as her basic personality. I can't say yet at this point whether I like her or not, but I'd say that she's very much a typical angsty teenager, so good job on the characterisation.
Organisation/plot wise, this first chapter is rather choppy in that the MC's thoughts are all over the place and hop around like a nervous bunny. The obsessive side of me is bristling at that, but in all fairness, this is much more realistic - we don't think in straight lines most of the time, and I'd think this is even more so for teenagers with their flighty attention spans.
13alltheeaglesRG EF
The MC's voice comes across very strongly, as well as her basic personality. I can't say yet at this point whether I like her or not, but I'd say that she's very much a typical angsty teenager, so good job on the characterisation.
Organisation/plot wise, this first chapter is rather choppy in that the MC's thoughts are all over the place and hop around like a nervous bunny. The obsessive side of me is bristling at that, but in all fairness, this is much more realistic - we don't think in straight lines most of the time, and I'd think this is even more so for teenagers with their flighty attention spans.
7/31/2015 c7 7Fierce Ookami
Sophie just needs to hang in there, things will get better eventually.
-fierce Ookami
7Fierce OokamiSophie just needs to hang in there, things will get better eventually.
-fierce Ookami
7/30/2015 c6 Fierce Ookami
Sophie has it really rough. Being bullied is never fun especially when everyone else ignores it and lets it happen. I hope she finds at least one friend.
-Fierce Ookami
Sophie has it really rough. Being bullied is never fun especially when everyone else ignores it and lets it happen. I hope she finds at least one friend.
-Fierce Ookami
7/30/2015 c2 20Ventracere
One quick thing about formatting, it might be a good idea to divide the paragraphs up a bit. They're a bit daunting to look at and it gives the brain a bit of a breather when you break up the dialogue from the rest of the descriptions.
For short chapter, you've certainly told us a lot! Something that I liked was how you were able to flush out a bit more of Sophie's character. For one, now we know her name, and the horrid experiences she has to go through. She's got a cynical way/sarcastic way of presenting her predicament - her strong, present voice is what draws me. For all that this is a darker chapter, she presents everything in a way that makes you feel like she's hopeful of what is to come, and I like that. She's not willing to let all of them drag her down completely - after all, she does have Options Evening to look forward to.
Another thing I liked was the way you didn't go down the cliche route. You didn't let her tormenter appear as someone who is the "classic" mean-girls style, tall, blonde, and beautiful, something that fits into society standards. You go against that by making Victoria someone similar to Sophie, and by doing so, you veer away the story from turning stale.
Thanks for the read!
20VentracereOne quick thing about formatting, it might be a good idea to divide the paragraphs up a bit. They're a bit daunting to look at and it gives the brain a bit of a breather when you break up the dialogue from the rest of the descriptions.
For short chapter, you've certainly told us a lot! Something that I liked was how you were able to flush out a bit more of Sophie's character. For one, now we know her name, and the horrid experiences she has to go through. She's got a cynical way/sarcastic way of presenting her predicament - her strong, present voice is what draws me. For all that this is a darker chapter, she presents everything in a way that makes you feel like she's hopeful of what is to come, and I like that. She's not willing to let all of them drag her down completely - after all, she does have Options Evening to look forward to.
Another thing I liked was the way you didn't go down the cliche route. You didn't let her tormenter appear as someone who is the "classic" mean-girls style, tall, blonde, and beautiful, something that fits into society standards. You go against that by making Victoria someone similar to Sophie, and by doing so, you veer away the story from turning stale.
Thanks for the read!
7/30/2015 c6 10Hnah-Writes
Hey, I quite like this. It's well written, the sarcasm and obvious disdain come across through the speaker very easily and doesn't feel forced at all, which is a bonus. It verges a little on overly self-pitying at times, and that can push a reader into resenting the character a little, but aside from that it's all good! In fact it's very good. I'm intrigued into where you are headed with this, and can't wait to read more! :)
10Hnah-WritesHey, I quite like this. It's well written, the sarcasm and obvious disdain come across through the speaker very easily and doesn't feel forced at all, which is a bonus. It verges a little on overly self-pitying at times, and that can push a reader into resenting the character a little, but aside from that it's all good! In fact it's very good. I'm intrigued into where you are headed with this, and can't wait to read more! :)
7/24/2015 c1 20Ventracere
I liked how present the protagonist's voice is. Her sarcasm and disdain is easy to gain from her words, especially how blunt she comes across. She doesn't hesitate to insult her school - something, I think a lot of your readers can understand, haha.
This is a bit nitpicking, but as far as her character goes, she's someone people can relate to. At the same time, the ending was a bit of a detractor for me. That has more to do with my reading tastes than your writing. But the emphasis of how she can't do things, how she doesn't match up to her siblings and her peers is a turn off, since you might be toeing the line between whiny/self-pity there. That said, that's the focus of the piece, how she's going to get past it. So while it does push me away slightly, I do admit, you do target her character from the get go, which is incredibly important and you do well there.
Thanks for the read!
20VentracereI liked how present the protagonist's voice is. Her sarcasm and disdain is easy to gain from her words, especially how blunt she comes across. She doesn't hesitate to insult her school - something, I think a lot of your readers can understand, haha.
This is a bit nitpicking, but as far as her character goes, she's someone people can relate to. At the same time, the ending was a bit of a detractor for me. That has more to do with my reading tastes than your writing. But the emphasis of how she can't do things, how she doesn't match up to her siblings and her peers is a turn off, since you might be toeing the line between whiny/self-pity there. That said, that's the focus of the piece, how she's going to get past it. So while it does push me away slightly, I do admit, you do target her character from the get go, which is incredibly important and you do well there.
Thanks for the read!
7/18/2015 c1 1echogirlcapri
I liked it. Only I felt that you maybe had too many line breaks and the main character-is-ugly-but-has-perfect-siblings cliche. But overall, nice narration!
Looking forward to more :)
Cheers,
Capri
Ps. I'm a carrot top too :P
1echogirlcapriI liked it. Only I felt that you maybe had too many line breaks and the main character-is-ugly-but-has-perfect-siblings cliche. But overall, nice narration!
Looking forward to more :)
Cheers,
Capri
Ps. I'm a carrot top too :P