for Under a blue-grey sky1/31/2019 c41 Nichose
I loved this story and all of your characters.
Do you plan on Cray and Rayne Having their own series?
I loved this story and all of your characters.
Do you plan on Cray and Rayne Having their own series?
11/27/2018 c10 TheLastEmu
My only thought: The POV and pronouns are a little confusing. It seemed as though you intended to use 3rd person limited from Rayne's perspective, but then occasional share what Cray is thinking. Though it's difficult to tell whether you are jumping to Cray's perspective or having Rayne infer what Cray is thinking. It feels like 3rd person omniscient, but in that case the narrator would have absolute knowledge of which pronouns to use. I'm not a stickler for convention, but consistency makes it easier to read.
My only thought: The POV and pronouns are a little confusing. It seemed as though you intended to use 3rd person limited from Rayne's perspective, but then occasional share what Cray is thinking. Though it's difficult to tell whether you are jumping to Cray's perspective or having Rayne infer what Cray is thinking. It feels like 3rd person omniscient, but in that case the narrator would have absolute knowledge of which pronouns to use. I'm not a stickler for convention, but consistency makes it easier to read.
9/27/2018 c38 
9The Warrior Poet
Brook and Eryk seem like a solid, stalwart, comforting presence surrounding the wreck of emotions that is Rayne and Cray. I can only hope that one day Rayne and Cray will be as comfortable in their love as Brook and Eryk seem to be. I can’t help but feel sorry for these two kids.
The fact that Rayne seemed to gain not control of his powers after his encounter with the Lady is a detail I missed. I guess I just assumed that his sudden control was born more out of need in light of their dire situation...sink or swim, you know.
Now I am left to wonder if the Lady is some kind of Bender herself, and if so has their been some kind of transference that has taken place? Lots of questions swirling in my mind now...
9The Warrior PoetBrook and Eryk seem like a solid, stalwart, comforting presence surrounding the wreck of emotions that is Rayne and Cray. I can only hope that one day Rayne and Cray will be as comfortable in their love as Brook and Eryk seem to be. I can’t help but feel sorry for these two kids.
The fact that Rayne seemed to gain not control of his powers after his encounter with the Lady is a detail I missed. I guess I just assumed that his sudden control was born more out of need in light of their dire situation...sink or swim, you know.
Now I am left to wonder if the Lady is some kind of Bender herself, and if so has their been some kind of transference that has taken place? Lots of questions swirling in my mind now...
9/12/2018 c37 The Warrior Poet
There is no bigger threat -not even the Lady- to Rayne and Cray forming a relationship than they themselves. It is crazy how easily Rayne was able to get himself worked up and “hating” Cray for telling his secret. It almost makes me wonder if there was more than Rayne’s own insecurities driving the “voice” that plants doubt inside of him. After all, we still don’t know how much unseen damage the encounter with the Lady caused.
Brook and the benders are an interesting little mystery, and I am looking forward to learning more.
There is no bigger threat -not even the Lady- to Rayne and Cray forming a relationship than they themselves. It is crazy how easily Rayne was able to get himself worked up and “hating” Cray for telling his secret. It almost makes me wonder if there was more than Rayne’s own insecurities driving the “voice” that plants doubt inside of him. After all, we still don’t know how much unseen damage the encounter with the Lady caused.
Brook and the benders are an interesting little mystery, and I am looking forward to learning more.
8/9/2018 c36 The Warrior Poet
Rayne is, indeed, an idiot.
The fact that Rayne came to befriend Cray so easily is proof that he used to be more trusting. Apparently, his run-in with the Lady has caused him to become quite irrational with his distrust, even for someone that has now saved his life multiple times.
I can’t blame him considering what he has gone through, I suppose, but I do hope he can get over himself for long enough to see how paranoid he is being. Unless, of course, it turns out that Brook and Eryk do have some sinister ulterior motives. If that ends up being the case, I will happily put my foot into my mouth.
Rayne is, indeed, an idiot.
The fact that Rayne came to befriend Cray so easily is proof that he used to be more trusting. Apparently, his run-in with the Lady has caused him to become quite irrational with his distrust, even for someone that has now saved his life multiple times.
I can’t blame him considering what he has gone through, I suppose, but I do hope he can get over himself for long enough to see how paranoid he is being. Unless, of course, it turns out that Brook and Eryk do have some sinister ulterior motives. If that ends up being the case, I will happily put my foot into my mouth.
8/9/2018 c35 The Warrior Poet
“The truth bobbed to the surface, only to be held submerged by his better judgement.”
Very nice turn of phrase!
I can’t help but join the two couples in laughing at yet another case of mistaken gender identity. This has happened enough now to cause me to identify it as a prominent theme in the story, but I can’t decide if there is more to it that I am not seeing.
Rayne’s suspicion of Eryk and Brook is not unfounded, but seeing as we have already gone through this same song and dance with Cray’s POV I have no reason to doubt their intentions as they have been stated.
Brook clearly has some powerful magic on his side, and the most ideal scenario I can see here would be Rayne learning from him and honing his own abilities. We don’t have a lot of story left for that, though, so we will see what happens.
“The truth bobbed to the surface, only to be held submerged by his better judgement.”
Very nice turn of phrase!
I can’t help but join the two couples in laughing at yet another case of mistaken gender identity. This has happened enough now to cause me to identify it as a prominent theme in the story, but I can’t decide if there is more to it that I am not seeing.
Rayne’s suspicion of Eryk and Brook is not unfounded, but seeing as we have already gone through this same song and dance with Cray’s POV I have no reason to doubt their intentions as they have been stated.
Brook clearly has some powerful magic on his side, and the most ideal scenario I can see here would be Rayne learning from him and honing his own abilities. We don’t have a lot of story left for that, though, so we will see what happens.
7/29/2018 c34 The Warrior Poet
I really liked the short conversation about benders, because now we are delving into the lore of your world. In fantasy stories the skeleton of the world’s lore is every bit as important and interesting as the muscle and skin that is stretched over that skeleton in the form of your narrative.
I liked the conversation between Cray and Brook. Cray’s difficulty in asking her question the right way, alongside the conflict she experiences in deciding whether she should say anything of Rayne’s ability at all, strikes me as very believable and realistic. I would say that, generally, Cray’s character has definitely become more authentic as the story has stretched on.
Interested to see how Rayne interacts with Brook and Eryk, and whether Rayne has hit the mark or is simply confused.
I really liked the short conversation about benders, because now we are delving into the lore of your world. In fantasy stories the skeleton of the world’s lore is every bit as important and interesting as the muscle and skin that is stretched over that skeleton in the form of your narrative.
I liked the conversation between Cray and Brook. Cray’s difficulty in asking her question the right way, alongside the conflict she experiences in deciding whether she should say anything of Rayne’s ability at all, strikes me as very believable and realistic. I would say that, generally, Cray’s character has definitely become more authentic as the story has stretched on.
Interested to see how Rayne interacts with Brook and Eryk, and whether Rayne has hit the mark or is simply confused.
7/29/2018 c33 The Warrior Poet
I like Eryksa a lot (lovely name, by the way.) Despite her apparent lethality she has a very affable, likeable way about her. Her questions to Cray concerning Rayne force Cray to think about some things that she was perhaps avoiding, as well.
I have the same questions that Cray does about why this new, exciting duo is being so helpful, though. Eryk might be good with a sword, and Brook may wield some deadly sorcery, but the Lady is a fiersome foe, and not a person to risk angering.
I liked the overall pacing of this chapter as well, and though it has been over a month since I read the last chapter I found myself becoming invested in the story again quite easily.
I like Eryksa a lot (lovely name, by the way.) Despite her apparent lethality she has a very affable, likeable way about her. Her questions to Cray concerning Rayne force Cray to think about some things that she was perhaps avoiding, as well.
I have the same questions that Cray does about why this new, exciting duo is being so helpful, though. Eryk might be good with a sword, and Brook may wield some deadly sorcery, but the Lady is a fiersome foe, and not a person to risk angering.
I liked the overall pacing of this chapter as well, and though it has been over a month since I read the last chapter I found myself becoming invested in the story again quite easily.
6/20/2018 c32 The Warrior Poet
“he doesn't really fall off as much as slip off like a shawl from a woman's shoulders”
Nice! Really liked this analogy.
I had to chuckle at the fact that, once again, Cray has misidentified someone’s gender. At least this time the confusion didn’t persist for very long. Eryk and Brook are both very interesting characters and now that I have learned about the other story I find my interest piqued.
So nice to see Luvok and the other snatchers finally get what’s due them! The cliffhanger ending to the chapter would seem to indicate that they aren’t out of the woods, yet, though. Interested to see if Brook has some gnarly magic in store for them.
“he doesn't really fall off as much as slip off like a shawl from a woman's shoulders”
Nice! Really liked this analogy.
I had to chuckle at the fact that, once again, Cray has misidentified someone’s gender. At least this time the confusion didn’t persist for very long. Eryk and Brook are both very interesting characters and now that I have learned about the other story I find my interest piqued.
So nice to see Luvok and the other snatchers finally get what’s due them! The cliffhanger ending to the chapter would seem to indicate that they aren’t out of the woods, yet, though. Interested to see if Brook has some gnarly magic in store for them.
6/16/2018 c31 The Warrior Poet
Great tension in this chapter.
I always have trouble trying to strike a balance between good pacing and good tension in my own writing, but reading this I can see that you nailed it.
Two new players enter the stage! Very curious to learn about these two, though I can’t help but notice that they have made their arrival quite late in the story which is curious. I am interested to see what they have to contribute to the final act.
Rayne invokes the Creator here, which sticks out to me because I don’t recall anyone doing that before now. It’s been a long story of course, so such an invocation may have taken place and I have forgotten about it. Either way, it does make me curious about how the gods operate in this world. Is the Creator more or less equivalent to Yahweh?
Story is getting quite good, looking forward to what else lies in store.
Great tension in this chapter.
I always have trouble trying to strike a balance between good pacing and good tension in my own writing, but reading this I can see that you nailed it.
Two new players enter the stage! Very curious to learn about these two, though I can’t help but notice that they have made their arrival quite late in the story which is curious. I am interested to see what they have to contribute to the final act.
Rayne invokes the Creator here, which sticks out to me because I don’t recall anyone doing that before now. It’s been a long story of course, so such an invocation may have taken place and I have forgotten about it. Either way, it does make me curious about how the gods operate in this world. Is the Creator more or less equivalent to Yahweh?
Story is getting quite good, looking forward to what else lies in store.
6/11/2018 c30 The Warrior Poet
I thought it a fitting farewell -you granted Haylden peace without letting him off the hook for the things he’d done. His spirit -if such a thing exists in your world- still has a great deal of forgiveness to seek, though at least he has taken the first few steps.
Anticipating a tense chapter 31 with the crossing of the wall looming, but at least they have some semblance of a plan in place despite Rayne’d doubts concerning his powers.
I thought it a fitting farewell -you granted Haylden peace without letting him off the hook for the things he’d done. His spirit -if such a thing exists in your world- still has a great deal of forgiveness to seek, though at least he has taken the first few steps.
Anticipating a tense chapter 31 with the crossing of the wall looming, but at least they have some semblance of a plan in place despite Rayne’d doubts concerning his powers.
6/11/2018 c29 The Warrior Poet
"An awkward silence sat between them, like the uncle at a family gathering than nobody can ignore and yet nobody wants to talk to."
I had to smile at this, because I have just such an uncle so for me the analogy is particularly apt. That was about the only thing to smile about in this chapter, though.
Haylden was certainly a complex character, and as we learn in this chapter he definitely was helping the queen by supplying her with kidnapped youths. Still, I did gain something of an appreciation for the character because of that complexity, and was even on my way around to liking him (slowly but surely.) To see him die in such a way was a bit heartbreaking.
On a separate, more vicious note...I hope these snatchers get whats coming to them very soon.
"An awkward silence sat between them, like the uncle at a family gathering than nobody can ignore and yet nobody wants to talk to."
I had to smile at this, because I have just such an uncle so for me the analogy is particularly apt. That was about the only thing to smile about in this chapter, though.
Haylden was certainly a complex character, and as we learn in this chapter he definitely was helping the queen by supplying her with kidnapped youths. Still, I did gain something of an appreciation for the character because of that complexity, and was even on my way around to liking him (slowly but surely.) To see him die in such a way was a bit heartbreaking.
On a separate, more vicious note...I hope these snatchers get whats coming to them very soon.
6/2/2018 c28 The Warrior Poet
This is a fairly sweet moment, despite the circumstances.
Sexual assault is a bit tricky (which, for lack of a better word, is what Rayne experienced) , because it is taking something that would normally be pleasurable and twisting it into a violent thing. I don’t know if what Rayne is experiencing with his pleasurable dreams of the Lady is natural in such cases or not, so I am chalking this up to ptsd with perhaps some side effects of the drug aiding the cause. Still hoping that Rayne can get over his unfounded guilt.
‘Bower’ might be a better word to use than ‘hollow’ in the context of where they are hiding, but that is of course up to you to decide.
This is a fairly sweet moment, despite the circumstances.
Sexual assault is a bit tricky (which, for lack of a better word, is what Rayne experienced) , because it is taking something that would normally be pleasurable and twisting it into a violent thing. I don’t know if what Rayne is experiencing with his pleasurable dreams of the Lady is natural in such cases or not, so I am chalking this up to ptsd with perhaps some side effects of the drug aiding the cause. Still hoping that Rayne can get over his unfounded guilt.
‘Bower’ might be a better word to use than ‘hollow’ in the context of where they are hiding, but that is of course up to you to decide.
6/1/2018 c27 The Warrior Poet
I really like your descriptions of pain in this chapter, they seem very accurate and believable.
It seems as though Cray falls in love with Rayne during this chapter, but I like that she doesn’t necessarily see it as that quite yet. Love is one of the most undefineable (yet powerful) emotions there is, and it can sometimes confound you until you realize that you are in it. Therefore, I find this very believable as well.
I don’t know how keen the noses of these dogs are, but the amount of blood that Cray leaves behind (even despite the rain) could be a problem.
I really like your descriptions of pain in this chapter, they seem very accurate and believable.
It seems as though Cray falls in love with Rayne during this chapter, but I like that she doesn’t necessarily see it as that quite yet. Love is one of the most undefineable (yet powerful) emotions there is, and it can sometimes confound you until you realize that you are in it. Therefore, I find this very believable as well.
I don’t know how keen the noses of these dogs are, but the amount of blood that Cray leaves behind (even despite the rain) could be a problem.
5/29/2018 c26 The Warrior Poet
This seems like a breakthrough kind of moment for Cray.
She has had to be strong for a very long time, probably for as long as Cresta has been gone. For her to realize that she can rely on other people, to allow them to see her weakness, is a big character-building moment.
I can only hope that this unfortunate turn of events will end with things becoming evened up between them. They have had to save one another several times now, and there shouldn’t be any more doubt that they need to stay together.
This seems like a breakthrough kind of moment for Cray.
She has had to be strong for a very long time, probably for as long as Cresta has been gone. For her to realize that she can rely on other people, to allow them to see her weakness, is a big character-building moment.
I can only hope that this unfortunate turn of events will end with things becoming evened up between them. They have had to save one another several times now, and there shouldn’t be any more doubt that they need to stay together.