for Mouth Full of Trees8/1/2022 c1 knockmeoffmyfeet
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12/29/2015 c6 alicedreaming
WTF just happened?! Plot twist! Not gonna lie, Samuel is coming off as a bit creepy. Vaughn was understandably shocked... But it's a really interesting dynamic
I'm excited for the next chapter!
WTF just happened?! Plot twist! Not gonna lie, Samuel is coming off as a bit creepy. Vaughn was understandably shocked... But it's a really interesting dynamic
I'm excited for the next chapter!
8/19/2015 c5 
1alicedreaming
Arthur is determined to be a matchmaker...
Now I'm curious how Vaughn acts when he's uninhibited. I understand Samuel's frustration, it's so irritating to feel like you bonded with someone and they don't even remember xD
Ha when Samuel says "we all know very well what's going on here" it almost sounds like he's flirting heehee
This was very cute. Would like more! :))))
1alicedreamingArthur is determined to be a matchmaker...
Now I'm curious how Vaughn acts when he's uninhibited. I understand Samuel's frustration, it's so irritating to feel like you bonded with someone and they don't even remember xD
Ha when Samuel says "we all know very well what's going on here" it almost sounds like he's flirting heehee
This was very cute. Would like more! :))))
8/14/2015 c4 alicedreaming
Oh my gosh, the cat xD I swear Arthur has a human mind. It's like he plans things
Well, vodka. Does someone want to get drunk? xD
Vaughn is so self deprecating and alone, it's so sad. Samuel seems a chill type of dude. I think he likes Vaughn's oddities. Or is at least intrigued by him and his art.
Very excited for the next chapter
Oh my gosh, the cat xD I swear Arthur has a human mind. It's like he plans things
Well, vodka. Does someone want to get drunk? xD
Vaughn is so self deprecating and alone, it's so sad. Samuel seems a chill type of dude. I think he likes Vaughn's oddities. Or is at least intrigued by him and his art.
Very excited for the next chapter
8/13/2015 c2 13alltheeagles
RG Depth Rule 10 review
The opening works to reinforce the characterisation that you began in the previous chapter. My impression was that the MC was in a self-imposed exile, but now it seems his isolation is maybe not so voluntary. His awkwardness at being in a crowd underlines that sense of feeling lost and alone.
In terms of writing, I like your imagery. The way you lead from the trees to the sketching to the mouth full of trees was really organic and didn't feel at all forced or artificial.
My favourite scene was how you contrast the flow and ebb of people with 'my best friend was still Arthur' to show the MC's loneliness. I think that one line is more effective than a long description of his/her feelings.
For the ending, it might be simple, but it still works as a hook for me because of the connection to the title and also because of the sense of anticipation. I feel like I can’t wait to meet this ‘mouth full of trees’ and I’m expecting him(her) to appear next chapter.
13alltheeaglesRG Depth Rule 10 review
The opening works to reinforce the characterisation that you began in the previous chapter. My impression was that the MC was in a self-imposed exile, but now it seems his isolation is maybe not so voluntary. His awkwardness at being in a crowd underlines that sense of feeling lost and alone.
In terms of writing, I like your imagery. The way you lead from the trees to the sketching to the mouth full of trees was really organic and didn't feel at all forced or artificial.
My favourite scene was how you contrast the flow and ebb of people with 'my best friend was still Arthur' to show the MC's loneliness. I think that one line is more effective than a long description of his/her feelings.
For the ending, it might be simple, but it still works as a hook for me because of the connection to the title and also because of the sense of anticipation. I feel like I can’t wait to meet this ‘mouth full of trees’ and I’m expecting him(her) to appear next chapter.
8/12/2015 c1 alltheeagles
RG EF
Haha, your opening is such a tease! Loved that misdirection with the words 'unspoken' (because only humans speak so I expected a human) and then later the grinning. And it was a kitty after all! :D
I like how clearly the personality of the MC comes across through his/her narrating voice. (S)he sounds calm, not bitter or blaming anyone for his or her situation but instead accepting that it is the result of his or her own decision.
RG EF
Haha, your opening is such a tease! Loved that misdirection with the words 'unspoken' (because only humans speak so I expected a human) and then later the grinning. And it was a kitty after all! :D
I like how clearly the personality of the MC comes across through his/her narrating voice. (S)he sounds calm, not bitter or blaming anyone for his or her situation but instead accepting that it is the result of his or her own decision.
8/12/2015 c4 3solacing
I would have liked to see more description of the characters, maybe some more insight into the might of the main character, you know? Lots of dialogue is great but, I dunno. I feel like there could be a more in depth look at the dynamics between characters that isn't told through dialogue. If that makes sense!? But other than that, nice story! I enjoyed it. :)
3solacingI would have liked to see more description of the characters, maybe some more insight into the might of the main character, you know? Lots of dialogue is great but, I dunno. I feel like there could be a more in depth look at the dynamics between characters that isn't told through dialogue. If that makes sense!? But other than that, nice story! I enjoyed it. :)
8/11/2015 c1 Hedonistic Opportunist
This is an interesting premise - especially because of the fact of how misleading the beginning is. You know that Vaughn is lonely when he describes his kitty in ways that nearly resemble those of a lover. I kind of sensed that Vaughn was talking about a cat all the time, but I still enjoyed the descriptions and build-up, because of how 'sensual' (I am reluctant to use that word, due to this being a kitty) it was, and how you could tell how much affection Vaughn had for his cat. It says a lot about his personality, namely his trait to 'write/narrate' things in his head (a lot of lonely people do that), and it also hints at hidden desires - he wishes to be loved, I think. I find it kind of heartbreaking but also sweet; I get the idea that Vaughn is a very kind, kind man.
I find him likeable too due to how he describes his current situation in life; it's relatively free of bitterness but full of sadness (mostly at how his family pushed him away). I find that refreshing, because you don't state that he regrets his career; in fact, you stress how happy he is, and how he wishes people to derive enjoyment from his work - which is lovely and touching. It makes Vaughn very likeable, even though he's an idealist.
I find the writing style interesting: it's rather formal with a ring of the old-fashioned to it, but I think it fits Vaughn, who has some of that secluded, hermit-like personality that would derive enjoyment from sounding like that. It definitely hints at how alienated he is from everything around him (save for his work).
This is an interesting premise - especially because of the fact of how misleading the beginning is. You know that Vaughn is lonely when he describes his kitty in ways that nearly resemble those of a lover. I kind of sensed that Vaughn was talking about a cat all the time, but I still enjoyed the descriptions and build-up, because of how 'sensual' (I am reluctant to use that word, due to this being a kitty) it was, and how you could tell how much affection Vaughn had for his cat. It says a lot about his personality, namely his trait to 'write/narrate' things in his head (a lot of lonely people do that), and it also hints at hidden desires - he wishes to be loved, I think. I find it kind of heartbreaking but also sweet; I get the idea that Vaughn is a very kind, kind man.
I find him likeable too due to how he describes his current situation in life; it's relatively free of bitterness but full of sadness (mostly at how his family pushed him away). I find that refreshing, because you don't state that he regrets his career; in fact, you stress how happy he is, and how he wishes people to derive enjoyment from his work - which is lovely and touching. It makes Vaughn very likeable, even though he's an idealist.
I find the writing style interesting: it's rather formal with a ring of the old-fashioned to it, but I think it fits Vaughn, who has some of that secluded, hermit-like personality that would derive enjoyment from sounding like that. It definitely hints at how alienated he is from everything around him (save for his work).
8/10/2015 c3 1alicedreaming
This story is kind of surreal.. I guess trees are a metaphor to Vaughn - I wonder why Samuel seems sad to him.
Vaughn is such a clueless weirdo haha. I can't believe he didn't realize Samuel was his neighbor, though he probably noticed subconsciously and drew him.
1alicedreamingThis story is kind of surreal.. I guess trees are a metaphor to Vaughn - I wonder why Samuel seems sad to him.
Vaughn is such a clueless weirdo haha. I can't believe he didn't realize Samuel was his neighbor, though he probably noticed subconsciously and drew him.
8/10/2015 c2 alicedreaming
Ah I can relate to Vaughn - I often feel of place and clueless in NYC... it's not for everyone. I like how Vaughn thinks about things, focusing on small details and finding meaning in them. He's meant for a slower paced life then the city.
I'm curious about the drawing of the mouth full of trees and how that will affect the plot. it is a strange image.
Ah I can relate to Vaughn - I often feel of place and clueless in NYC... it's not for everyone. I like how Vaughn thinks about things, focusing on small details and finding meaning in them. He's meant for a slower paced life then the city.
I'm curious about the drawing of the mouth full of trees and how that will affect the plot. it is a strange image.