9/18/2015 c1 12015
Wow! This is so realistic and down to earth it's almost painful. I wasn't really expecting the ending at all - it sort of brings reality back to mind for us readers.

You did a great job of incorporating the narrator's thoughts - they were believable and relatable and I was really convinced that it would work out for the first half of the story. Bravo! :)

9/6/2015 c1 2Aske Nat
The first half was sweet, and then it turned sour - poor girl. But I liked that it didn't necessarily end well as a guy more interested in watching someone get sick on tape is not worth a whole lot.

There were a few missing words here and there, but nothing bad.

Happy writing.