9/13/2015 c1 Guest
Had me into it from the beginning, can't wait for more
Had me into it from the beginning, can't wait for more
9/13/2015 c1 13alltheeagles
RG Depth
Plot
That the Flash (Flashes?) is a significant event in this world is undoubtedly clear. I infer that it’s some kind of solar flare perhaps, and that it’s unpredictable and cause amnesia. That isn’t much information in itself, but it’s fine as these are the points most relevant to the plot in this particular episode. If this were the opening to a longer tale, I’d expect more details to come in later, like why they don’t protect themselves better (since they’re made out to be quite advanced technologically).
Pacing
Pacing is good, I think. Things move along at a steady pace and whatever explanation is given is incorporated into the narration so I don’t get info-indigestion at any point. I rather like figuring out what’s happening with the two characters as I go along.
Characters
Nameless characters? Probably some people will have a lot to say about that, but not me. It was a good idea to have them be of different genders, I think, cause I’d find it really hard to distinguish them as a writer if they were both he’s or vice versa. Still, you had the scene breaks, so maybe it’s not that difficult. But as a reader, I could differentiate between them just fine. They both have distinct personalities.
Closing
I’m not sure if this is the effect you want to achieve, but somehow, I feel very pessimistic about this. I get the feeling that nothing’s going to come out of this, ie the woman will write her report and leave out the ‘oddity’ and the little plant will likely die since it’s already weakened by the Flash, and the man will be killed too (by somebody else) since he ticks the relevant boxes for that decision.
RG Depth
Plot
That the Flash (Flashes?) is a significant event in this world is undoubtedly clear. I infer that it’s some kind of solar flare perhaps, and that it’s unpredictable and cause amnesia. That isn’t much information in itself, but it’s fine as these are the points most relevant to the plot in this particular episode. If this were the opening to a longer tale, I’d expect more details to come in later, like why they don’t protect themselves better (since they’re made out to be quite advanced technologically).
Pacing
Pacing is good, I think. Things move along at a steady pace and whatever explanation is given is incorporated into the narration so I don’t get info-indigestion at any point. I rather like figuring out what’s happening with the two characters as I go along.
Characters
Nameless characters? Probably some people will have a lot to say about that, but not me. It was a good idea to have them be of different genders, I think, cause I’d find it really hard to distinguish them as a writer if they were both he’s or vice versa. Still, you had the scene breaks, so maybe it’s not that difficult. But as a reader, I could differentiate between them just fine. They both have distinct personalities.
Closing
I’m not sure if this is the effect you want to achieve, but somehow, I feel very pessimistic about this. I get the feeling that nothing’s going to come out of this, ie the woman will write her report and leave out the ‘oddity’ and the little plant will likely die since it’s already weakened by the Flash, and the man will be killed too (by somebody else) since he ticks the relevant boxes for that decision.