for secrets9/26/2015 c1 
63yanz
I really liked this. It's truthful, candid, a little cynical, but there's also a playfulness to its tone that makes it more lighthearted. The fifth stanza bothers me just a little because you switched up the rhyming scheme so it jolts the flow a bit. Other than that, though, I enjoyed it.
63yanzI really liked this. It's truthful, candid, a little cynical, but there's also a playfulness to its tone that makes it more lighthearted. The fifth stanza bothers me just a little because you switched up the rhyming scheme so it jolts the flow a bit. Other than that, though, I enjoyed it.
9/24/2015 c1 8rchll
I thought stanzas four & seven flowed particularly well and I loved the line "but you know society builds them/to tear them all down" - although I'd like to see one of those 'them's replaced with another word. The message of this piece is really interesting and I'd love see it expanded upon with some concrete imagery (what kinds of bridge do you have? The Golden Gate or the Brooklyn Bridge? Metaphorically, of course...just an example! Hope this makes sense...!). I liked the parasynthesis. It gives this poem the eery effect that there are two voices speaking.
8rchllI thought stanzas four & seven flowed particularly well and I loved the line "but you know society builds them/to tear them all down" - although I'd like to see one of those 'them's replaced with another word. The message of this piece is really interesting and I'd love see it expanded upon with some concrete imagery (what kinds of bridge do you have? The Golden Gate or the Brooklyn Bridge? Metaphorically, of course...just an example! Hope this makes sense...!). I liked the parasynthesis. It gives this poem the eery effect that there are two voices speaking.