for The Words5/24/2016 c1 
68Dreamarcher
I like the lines - they imply a lot without giving away the reasons of a relationship breakdown, which are different for everyone, that still has lingering feelings.
68DreamarcherI like the lines - they imply a lot without giving away the reasons of a relationship breakdown, which are different for everyone, that still has lingering feelings.
11/22/2015 c1 68Jack Bellows
This was a fantastic piece! It hits all the emotions perfectly and I'm sure will get just the right reaction from anyone who reads it.
It sure got emotions out of me, and that's hard for me to do myself! haha... Do keep writing.
68Jack BellowsThis was a fantastic piece! It hits all the emotions perfectly and I'm sure will get just the right reaction from anyone who reads it.
It sure got emotions out of me, and that's hard for me to do myself! haha... Do keep writing.
11/9/2015 c1 82Saigishin 13
interesting, the "your presence stops my heart beat" stanzas really kind of threw me off, but I understood what you were doing, and that was the type of poetry you were writing. Otherwise again, another interesting one.
82Saigishin 13interesting, the "your presence stops my heart beat" stanzas really kind of threw me off, but I understood what you were doing, and that was the type of poetry you were writing. Otherwise again, another interesting one.
11/6/2015 c1 ISpyNerd
I love how well you illustrate that although it's 'just a break-up' to the outside observer, to the participant it feels like they're losing a part of who they are - that if they go through with it that part of them will 'die'. And that sometimes, even though you desperately feel something you can't express it in words - not enough to make the other understand and stay. Although I get the sense that the relationship was no longer functional anyways.
The repeated phrases are super effective too!
Only criticism I have is regarding the layout (the line breaks) but I get that there's not as much freedom when it comes to formatting on fp. Although maybe that's part of what you were going for? It makes it look like it's written in a notebook which could insinuate that this person is young and that it's their first time to have loved/lost which would explain why they feel it so viscerally.
Great read, and thank you for taking the time to review my story as well!
Cheers
I love how well you illustrate that although it's 'just a break-up' to the outside observer, to the participant it feels like they're losing a part of who they are - that if they go through with it that part of them will 'die'. And that sometimes, even though you desperately feel something you can't express it in words - not enough to make the other understand and stay. Although I get the sense that the relationship was no longer functional anyways.
The repeated phrases are super effective too!
Only criticism I have is regarding the layout (the line breaks) but I get that there's not as much freedom when it comes to formatting on fp. Although maybe that's part of what you were going for? It makes it look like it's written in a notebook which could insinuate that this person is young and that it's their first time to have loved/lost which would explain why they feel it so viscerally.
Great read, and thank you for taking the time to review my story as well!
Cheers
11/2/2015 c1 14letsdotheraindance
This is really good! Your lines concisely showed how frustrated, even desperate, the speaker was. I like how you repeated the "heart beat" stanzas, but I especially love how you described their relationship as "being too much" but "never enough".
Keep writing! :)
14letsdotheraindanceThis is really good! Your lines concisely showed how frustrated, even desperate, the speaker was. I like how you repeated the "heart beat" stanzas, but I especially love how you described their relationship as "being too much" but "never enough".
Keep writing! :)
11/1/2015 c1 11theweekendpoetry
Beautiful! So much emotions in such short piece :)
I suggest removing the -.-.-.-.- every time you start a new stanza. And I think you could use a better title.
11theweekendpoetryBeautiful! So much emotions in such short piece :)
I suggest removing the -.-.-.-.- every time you start a new stanza. And I think you could use a better title.
10/20/2015 c1 6Fractal Flaws
Have you heard the song Colors by Halsey? Your poem reminded me of it. Love's a treacherous feeling, and you've captured it quite well. Your narrative voice is fairly assertive and I really like that!
6Fractal FlawsHave you heard the song Colors by Halsey? Your poem reminded me of it. Love's a treacherous feeling, and you've captured it quite well. Your narrative voice is fairly assertive and I really like that!
10/13/2015 c1 5Marjulie
It's obvious that the narrator loves her other half but somewhere along there was something/s he did that hurt her to the point that with every love she feels she still remembers the pain she felt.
My last stanza was without a doubt my favourite. The vagueness of it makes you guess whether she wants him to turn around from her or back at her and goes back to the lines:
You presence stops my heart beat
and your smile revives it
Your presence stops my heart beat
but your smile revives it
In my interpretation, he is the cause of happiness and misery in her life.
5MarjulieIt's obvious that the narrator loves her other half but somewhere along there was something/s he did that hurt her to the point that with every love she feels she still remembers the pain she felt.
My last stanza was without a doubt my favourite. The vagueness of it makes you guess whether she wants him to turn around from her or back at her and goes back to the lines:
You presence stops my heart beat
and your smile revives it
Your presence stops my heart beat
but your smile revives it
In my interpretation, he is the cause of happiness and misery in her life.
10/13/2015 c1 6Victoria Best
Hello!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing My Psycho. Here is your returned review!
I rally like this!
I like that the stanza lengths vary and the amount of syllables. It makes this very original, which is brilliant, and feels very new, which is fitting considering the recurring theme in the poem is "reviving." Was this subconscious or a conscious decision? It works brilliantly either way.
I love the chorus, particularly the line "you revive me." It's a really powerful message that you're trying to convey and this adds even more emphasis!
I also enjoyed the last line of the poem. Very moving ending, great for impact, and it also wraps the poem up well in terms of rhythm and structure.
It also flowed well grammatically - no errors that I could see.
Great job!
Keep writing!
Vicky
6Victoria BestHello!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing My Psycho. Here is your returned review!
I rally like this!
I like that the stanza lengths vary and the amount of syllables. It makes this very original, which is brilliant, and feels very new, which is fitting considering the recurring theme in the poem is "reviving." Was this subconscious or a conscious decision? It works brilliantly either way.
I love the chorus, particularly the line "you revive me." It's a really powerful message that you're trying to convey and this adds even more emphasis!
I also enjoyed the last line of the poem. Very moving ending, great for impact, and it also wraps the poem up well in terms of rhythm and structure.
It also flowed well grammatically - no errors that I could see.
Great job!
Keep writing!
Vicky
10/13/2015 c1 19pastryninja
Are they breaking up or just separating for a short while? Because it sounds like a break-up to me. Anyways, I like how you emphasized the heart stopping and then being revived throughout. Keep on writing!
19pastryninjaAre they breaking up or just separating for a short while? Because it sounds like a break-up to me. Anyways, I like how you emphasized the heart stopping and then being revived throughout. Keep on writing!
10/11/2015 c1 6Carmel March
OOH SO GOOD. Love the bittersweet, confused emotions in this one, because those kind of emotions are so, so realistic in a relationship. I feel like I keep saying this, but great job. Really. You've got such a talent of capturing a feeling in words.
6Carmel MarchOOH SO GOOD. Love the bittersweet, confused emotions in this one, because those kind of emotions are so, so realistic in a relationship. I feel like I keep saying this, but great job. Really. You've got such a talent of capturing a feeling in words.
10/4/2015 c1 63yanz
I've gone through the exact same feelings before, so I can relate so much to this. I like that you subtly emphasize "and your smile revives it" with "but your smile revives me". The repeated stanzas almost make it seem like a song. I like it, keep writing!
63yanzI've gone through the exact same feelings before, so I can relate so much to this. I like that you subtly emphasize "and your smile revives it" with "but your smile revives me". The repeated stanzas almost make it seem like a song. I like it, keep writing!
10/4/2015 c1 Kira
This is like right what I am feeling right now. It is so sad and just what I am going through. Nice job
This is like right what I am feeling right now. It is so sad and just what I am going through. Nice job
10/4/2015 c1 43zanybellecloudo
A beautiful poem with the inner battle to have or not to have... this almost reads song like, a self soothing lullaby to the pain. Very well told and sincere. Thanks for sharing your work.
43zanybellecloudoA beautiful poem with the inner battle to have or not to have... this almost reads song like, a self soothing lullaby to the pain. Very well told and sincere. Thanks for sharing your work.