for Fights Cool12/11/2016 c2 
2Natsuki Nanami
Still, I didn't see any connection about the space battle in the first chapter with the story. As far as I see it's about some fight competitions in girls school (I don't know what kind of fight yet). And there are some chara dump here, I can't remember anyone except for Sashiko, Ming, and Naru(to). Probably I'll see more in the next chap.
Sorry for the late review Cinder, got a lot of works to do.
2Natsuki NanamiStill, I didn't see any connection about the space battle in the first chapter with the story. As far as I see it's about some fight competitions in girls school (I don't know what kind of fight yet). And there are some chara dump here, I can't remember anyone except for Sashiko, Ming, and Naru(to). Probably I'll see more in the next chap.
Sorry for the late review Cinder, got a lot of works to do.
12/11/2016 c2 19dmasterxd
I really like Sasihiko and Ming haha. Mainly just a lot of setup in this chapter, but it was pretty enjoyable I'd say.
But man, the weakest of these girls put a (semi-finalist?) in the hospital...just dang. I'd be worried about all of them. Hopefully Sasihiko's training goes well though.
19dmasterxdI really like Sasihiko and Ming haha. Mainly just a lot of setup in this chapter, but it was pretty enjoyable I'd say.
But man, the weakest of these girls put a (semi-finalist?) in the hospital...just dang. I'd be worried about all of them. Hopefully Sasihiko's training goes well though.
12/10/2016 c3 38Starart152
This was a nice chapter, like the other two, it was cut into two events separating them. Luka seems to be in trouble by kicking their ass and getting caught.
As for my favourite character, I have none for now, but Luka gets out of the character dumping with some larger characterization and personality than the previous chapters and her link with another character Rika.
Sae is also another one who starts to stood out with her hot-head personality.
38Starart152This was a nice chapter, like the other two, it was cut into two events separating them. Luka seems to be in trouble by kicking their ass and getting caught.
As for my favourite character, I have none for now, but Luka gets out of the character dumping with some larger characterization and personality than the previous chapters and her link with another character Rika.
Sae is also another one who starts to stood out with her hot-head personality.
12/9/2016 c2 Starart152
My comments for now is that this chapter is a character dumping chapter compared to some of my info dumping chapters. I do now know each characters right now as they were mostly dump in the story. Among them, I don't even know who's the main character who appeared.
You choose the same Sashiko for one of them, it makes me think of that little girl in Corpse Party and that's scary.
For the other's I'll give comments about the characters when they are deepened.
My comments for now is that this chapter is a character dumping chapter compared to some of my info dumping chapters. I do now know each characters right now as they were mostly dump in the story. Among them, I don't even know who's the main character who appeared.
You choose the same Sashiko for one of them, it makes me think of that little girl in Corpse Party and that's scary.
For the other's I'll give comments about the characters when they are deepened.
12/9/2016 c1 19dmasterxd
Space battle sequence in the beginning was intersting even if it confused me a little bit. I really liked the school part. I actually got a pretty good sense of the characters just through how you described their clothes. Not enough to know how I feel about them yet, but I can at least tell what their personalities are.
Can't wait until we get to the tournament bit and get to see where this all goes. Good start!
19dmasterxdSpace battle sequence in the beginning was intersting even if it confused me a little bit. I really liked the school part. I actually got a pretty good sense of the characters just through how you described their clothes. Not enough to know how I feel about them yet, but I can at least tell what their personalities are.
Can't wait until we get to the tournament bit and get to see where this all goes. Good start!
12/7/2016 c1 38Starart152
This was a strange first chapter with two events that are unrelated between an alien upcoming assault and fighting class. The characters introduction is nice, but I cannot say more than that until I know more about them.
The strength of this misleading first chapter is good and catch well the attention, but leave some confusions.
38Starart152This was a strange first chapter with two events that are unrelated between an alien upcoming assault and fighting class. The characters introduction is nice, but I cannot say more than that until I know more about them.
The strength of this misleading first chapter is good and catch well the attention, but leave some confusions.
12/5/2016 c3 6Darth Zannacross
Ah right back in to the thick of things. And their are a lot of eccentric fighters here but, cool someone figured out how to turn their hair from a disadvantage to a advantage.
Heh, this gives me American Idol vibes, if it was for fighters, maybe they have that in Japan lol.
Haha, I feel bad for anyone who's name is just assumed to be Dude or Freak, oh well.
Luka seems to be trapped in a family of cut throats, with a offer she may not be able to refuse.
Well, guess we will see if she will cave into Colbourne's ultimatum, not sure how this shows favoritism lol, we will see. In the meanwhile nice job setting up the stakes, til next time keep up the good work.
6Darth ZannacrossAh right back in to the thick of things. And their are a lot of eccentric fighters here but, cool someone figured out how to turn their hair from a disadvantage to a advantage.
Heh, this gives me American Idol vibes, if it was for fighters, maybe they have that in Japan lol.
Haha, I feel bad for anyone who's name is just assumed to be Dude or Freak, oh well.
Luka seems to be trapped in a family of cut throats, with a offer she may not be able to refuse.
Well, guess we will see if she will cave into Colbourne's ultimatum, not sure how this shows favoritism lol, we will see. In the meanwhile nice job setting up the stakes, til next time keep up the good work.
6/25/2016 c2 7McMicah
So the main character is the hall monitor of justice? And we start with a tournament? I feel that the tournaments really ought to wait until the lead has been clearly established. Then again, who knows how long training will last.
There are so many characters introduced in so little time: Melanie, the girl who borrowed money, the bullies, "hall monitor of justice"s friends, and this is not counting all of the characters in the last chapter. I'm almost finding it hard to keep up!
7McMicahSo the main character is the hall monitor of justice? And we start with a tournament? I feel that the tournaments really ought to wait until the lead has been clearly established. Then again, who knows how long training will last.
There are so many characters introduced in so little time: Melanie, the girl who borrowed money, the bullies, "hall monitor of justice"s friends, and this is not counting all of the characters in the last chapter. I'm almost finding it hard to keep up!
6/18/2016 c1 kumamon
Hi! Greetings from your Criss-Cross partner!
When I first read your summary, I thought it'd be like Girls of the Wild's. But then you throw in sci-fi at the beginning. :D There's an obvious favoritism when you described Holly and Michelle's appearance. Maybe you could describe them both vaguely, and add more descriptions when one of your main characters runs into them again, you elaborate more and compare her to the last time they met. I'd also suggest adding more adverbs when introducing a lot of characters at once. Like, you could say 'the proud Haruka finally opened her (color) eyes, and took...'
The teacher sounds like she has a vendetta against Haruka. I would, too, but she's an interesting character nonetheless. I can understand why she's talented, I mean, she's over six feet. I wouldn't pin her as the arrogant type at this stage, since it's just starting. I liked how you just showed everything instead of just dumping all the info on us. Kudos on avoiding that rookie mistake! I look forward to reading more. Happy writing!
Hi! Greetings from your Criss-Cross partner!
When I first read your summary, I thought it'd be like Girls of the Wild's. But then you throw in sci-fi at the beginning. :D There's an obvious favoritism when you described Holly and Michelle's appearance. Maybe you could describe them both vaguely, and add more descriptions when one of your main characters runs into them again, you elaborate more and compare her to the last time they met. I'd also suggest adding more adverbs when introducing a lot of characters at once. Like, you could say 'the proud Haruka finally opened her (color) eyes, and took...'
The teacher sounds like she has a vendetta against Haruka. I would, too, but she's an interesting character nonetheless. I can understand why she's talented, I mean, she's over six feet. I wouldn't pin her as the arrogant type at this stage, since it's just starting. I liked how you just showed everything instead of just dumping all the info on us. Kudos on avoiding that rookie mistake! I look forward to reading more. Happy writing!
6/12/2016 c2 6Darth Zannacross
The main lead does indeed appear to appear, unless this is more misdirection.
The cast seems ok so far, we will see how they diverge from here, not much else to go on for now.
6Darth ZannacrossThe main lead does indeed appear to appear, unless this is more misdirection.
The cast seems ok so far, we will see how they diverge from here, not much else to go on for now.
6/10/2016 c1 Darth Zannacross
Misleading first chapter indeed. But, a good misdirection for I get a cool vibe of something like Star Wars or Star Ocean or Star Trek or something else star like, nice.
Awkward shift to a class room, I suppose its going to get rather extreme real fast.
Well, to early to get a grasp of the cast but, we will see which side of the story is the central part soon I suppose.
Misleading first chapter indeed. But, a good misdirection for I get a cool vibe of something like Star Wars or Star Ocean or Star Trek or something else star like, nice.
Awkward shift to a class room, I suppose its going to get rather extreme real fast.
Well, to early to get a grasp of the cast but, we will see which side of the story is the central part soon I suppose.
5/13/2016 c1 18cud-b-better
Well some nice violence and some mysterious invaders. The problem I feel is the fact you introduced too many characters all at once, I found it hard to distinguish, although that's probably because this is only the first chapter. I couldn't tell really whether they were meant to be fighting for real or whether it was disciplined martial arts and Haruka just broke the rules. A little explanation as to just why they are fighting and for what for might clear up, as at the moment it just a fight scene which can't really tell what purpose it will serve.
Long story short I need to see more before I pass judgement as I'm really just confused.
18cud-b-betterWell some nice violence and some mysterious invaders. The problem I feel is the fact you introduced too many characters all at once, I found it hard to distinguish, although that's probably because this is only the first chapter. I couldn't tell really whether they were meant to be fighting for real or whether it was disciplined martial arts and Haruka just broke the rules. A little explanation as to just why they are fighting and for what for might clear up, as at the moment it just a fight scene which can't really tell what purpose it will serve.
Long story short I need to see more before I pass judgement as I'm really just confused.
4/30/2016 c1 20DevilPogoStick
Okay, so the beginning...I did not expect that. While it seems that whoever responsible is...still unknown, it'll make the reveal impressive and scary.
But I like set up of a fight match in the school to get a grasp of what kind of a series this is. Very nice job. Keep it up!
20DevilPogoStickOkay, so the beginning...I did not expect that. While it seems that whoever responsible is...still unknown, it'll make the reveal impressive and scary.
But I like set up of a fight match in the school to get a grasp of what kind of a series this is. Very nice job. Keep it up!
1/21/2016 c1 1Sage Young
From the summary I thought it was going to be all about the fighting, but right at the start we're thrown into a Mass Effect/Star Trek-esque space encounter? Interesting. Totally defied my expectations, but nevertheless, intriguing.
There was a single awkwardly phrased sentence in there, the one command to get the patrols and bases to evacuate, but the entire segment was a decent opening that helped locked in my initial interest. Too bad it felt so fleeting. Could've played things up a bit more in my opinion. You missed the chance to wind up that tension level just that little bit higher, and play on the emotion of the reader a bit more. The decisions the Captain Valos made humanized him a lot, made him easy to understand and relate to, and thus I had no qualms instantly taking his side. Pushing this conflict a little more could have made the initial impression of the story that much bigger, and more memorable.
Now on to the real reason why we're reading Fights Cool: teenaged girls ripping into each other's guts. Haruka's a stuck-up girl, but the story seems to focus around her at the moment, so I assume she's the heroine to this story? It's certainly refreshing to see these sort of genius characters taking the spotlight, but I'll mostly be reading to see her grow as a character, and maybe get knocked down from that high horse. Still, we didn't get much of a taste why she acts the way she do, maybe there's a perfectly good reason for it; I'd be pleasantly surprised if that's true.
The fighting's well thought out, but it does feel a bit... Choreographed. Maybe a bit of chaos in-between the moves might help. Then again, maybe it's cause Haruka's a genius; she sees them moves coming from a mile away, but without that probability of defeat, the random roll of the die, fights gets boring real fast. Even moreso when the stakes seem trivial.
Right now, Haruka's giving off that Mary-Sue vibe in the way that it feels like she'll easily overcome any problem that comes her way. Hopefully that changes soon.
Overall it was definitely a good read. It really threw me off when the story started of in space, though, but as an opener you did good, Maddie. Off to a good start. We'll see where this goes.
1Sage YoungFrom the summary I thought it was going to be all about the fighting, but right at the start we're thrown into a Mass Effect/Star Trek-esque space encounter? Interesting. Totally defied my expectations, but nevertheless, intriguing.
There was a single awkwardly phrased sentence in there, the one command to get the patrols and bases to evacuate, but the entire segment was a decent opening that helped locked in my initial interest. Too bad it felt so fleeting. Could've played things up a bit more in my opinion. You missed the chance to wind up that tension level just that little bit higher, and play on the emotion of the reader a bit more. The decisions the Captain Valos made humanized him a lot, made him easy to understand and relate to, and thus I had no qualms instantly taking his side. Pushing this conflict a little more could have made the initial impression of the story that much bigger, and more memorable.
Now on to the real reason why we're reading Fights Cool: teenaged girls ripping into each other's guts. Haruka's a stuck-up girl, but the story seems to focus around her at the moment, so I assume she's the heroine to this story? It's certainly refreshing to see these sort of genius characters taking the spotlight, but I'll mostly be reading to see her grow as a character, and maybe get knocked down from that high horse. Still, we didn't get much of a taste why she acts the way she do, maybe there's a perfectly good reason for it; I'd be pleasantly surprised if that's true.
The fighting's well thought out, but it does feel a bit... Choreographed. Maybe a bit of chaos in-between the moves might help. Then again, maybe it's cause Haruka's a genius; she sees them moves coming from a mile away, but without that probability of defeat, the random roll of the die, fights gets boring real fast. Even moreso when the stakes seem trivial.
Right now, Haruka's giving off that Mary-Sue vibe in the way that it feels like she'll easily overcome any problem that comes her way. Hopefully that changes soon.
Overall it was definitely a good read. It really threw me off when the story started of in space, though, but as an opener you did good, Maddie. Off to a good start. We'll see where this goes.
1/20/2016 c1 2Natsuki Nanami
Pretty good story! Well, I'm still wondering about the genres but I think it is Magic Fantasy combined wih Sci-fi elements, nice idea. And there's an alien invasion too? I think this story will be look like Halo mixed with Kuusen Madoushi.
For the characters, Haruka (is she the MC?) is a bit look like me, a bit. I have a feeling if she's Lt. Hardwick's daugther the cap mentioned, but it seemed impossible because of her Japanese first name.
Till next time, bruh!
2Natsuki NanamiPretty good story! Well, I'm still wondering about the genres but I think it is Magic Fantasy combined wih Sci-fi elements, nice idea. And there's an alien invasion too? I think this story will be look like Halo mixed with Kuusen Madoushi.
For the characters, Haruka (is she the MC?) is a bit look like me, a bit. I have a feeling if she's Lt. Hardwick's daugther the cap mentioned, but it seemed impossible because of her Japanese first name.
Till next time, bruh!