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for The calm during the storm

6/26/2018 c1 21RainbowPearls
Whaaoooo! This was mind blowing! You should have been given 15/15 you now, *seriously! *
This seemed believable and realistic and actually happening. That's because not every story has a happy victorious winning ending right. Lucas dud his best even in the moments of utter vulnerability. He mustered up all his wits and power and fought against the demon. The best part was the moment when the demon got enraged and had his ego hurt by calling Lucas' sudden unexpected attack as humiliation. XD
I just hope this pupil will do a whole lot good as per the expectation of Lucus and bring changes in future
12/19/2017 c1 shika-paprika
Interesting story to say the least. There are definitely a couple errors in this like missing punctuation and it would've been nice if you used character tags. Instead of just referring to Lucas by his name, you could've used a tag describing his hair, eyes, height, etc. I did like that this story had a sort of RPG feel to it, but that's about it. It didn't really pique my interest. I only reviewed this because it looked like the only "real" story you posted. If I had to rate this out of 15, I'd give it a 10.
2/15/2016 c1 1Tomoyuki Tanaka
Well, it was good, I guess I would have given it a 14 out of 15, but I'm known for being lenient and generous.

Fun story, I guess, so you probably didn't take time to plan it out as for a "real" story (not that your story is any less real). That's why I had questions hanging on my mind, like who is the king? King of what? King of Nihil? Stuff like that. And Lucas probably ended up there after braving the encounter with a king...or was it the master assassin? And why would someone compare a king with an assassin? I got confused by that.

I felt sad that Lucas had to die, but alas, that is the fate of all warriors. Oh well.
1/20/2016 c1 7BunnyChoi
Hello! :)

Ahhhh! So good, but I'm sad that Lucas died and I want to know who this apprentice is!

Your descriptions in this piece are very beautiful and very detailed. The overall story was very creative and I enjoyed reading it very much. (Actually I read it twice.) The flow was good and didn't feel rushed.

There were some minor errors, but they are very fixable!

"Crazy Claws. an ability..." Did you mean: "Crazy Claws, an ability..."?

"...and although imperfect managed..." Maybe this would be better: "and, although imperfect, managed..."

I think once these minor errors are fixed, this piece would be golden! Great job! :)

~BunnyChoi
1/4/2016 c1 8LorrahBear
This is very interesting, and certainly leaves me curious for more. At times, specifically when the bear claws are being discussed, it sounds less like an adventure and more like a game mannual, but overall, this flowed really well.

I'm curious to know more about the apprentice!
10/28/2015 c1 14Virtuella
I found the title of this story very interesting. We have all heard of the calm before the storm, but what calm is there to be had during it? This made me immediately interested in the story.

The story itself has rather a lot of problems. For example, you begin by describing weather with “floating” clouds” that must be very low-lying so that they could be said to be “amongst the birds.” But in the next paragraph we hear of a storm so violent that it rips apart gravestones. These two don’t fit together.

["Crazy Claws". an ability unique to the three armed bear of this region. It increases the user's strength by 250% and also enables the user to move at 250 m/s for a short period of time.] Unless this is meant to be happening inside a computer game or role-playing game (but I see no other indication for this) then this type of description seems very out of place.

If it’s been dark for some time, why would Lucas become accustomed to the darkness during the fight?

There are some grammar issues, like switching between tenses and also this: [The riskier and unreliable they were, the stronger and stable] That should be “The riskier and more unreliable they were, the stronger and more stable.” However, even with correct grammar it is not plausible why more unreliable powers should be more stable.

[Having remembered the bear's presence only a mere two seconds before the bear struck, Lucas powered up and narrowly dodged the bear's onslaught, sidestepping left and right to avoid the bear's attack.] Four bears in one sentence? This would benefit from some pronouns.

Also, in the end there wasn't really any calm during the storm...

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