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for Sweet

2/6/2016 c1 Resurgent Shad
This was easily one of the best poems I've seen... Everything drom the concept to the rythem and twist at the end!

I must read more!
1/9/2016 c1 8LorrahBear
This is wonderful. I love how you separate out the word "but" both times. It adds an additional pause, setting me up for the fall from sweetness.

My favorite section is the pair of lines "Your practiced insincerity/is as sweet as spoiled apples;" even though the first time I read them I read insecurity instead of insincerity. Completely my fault (clearly), but I adore it.

I also really like how you italicized "love" in the last section, but not above. It added a slightly harsher, biting edge.
1/6/2016 c1 6Victoria Best
Another wonderful poem! Very powerful message you are trying to convey - the thing that satisfies your sweet tooth can also make you rot, in this instance, a person. That's a really strong, meaningful message and also a very original one - I have not seen something similar to this before. Great job!

I loved, loved, loved the imagery, such as, "honeyed voice," and "candied smile." Everything seems to come back to the fact that this person is sugary and almost too sugary - sickly. My favourite piece of description was the line relating to spoiled apples; it had impact and again felt unique.

I liked the structure, the pace and the writing felt smooth, clear and flowed nicely, which are all essential in a poem.

Of course, my absolute favourite part is the last line! Added a whole new dimension to the poem.

The only line I didn't like is the line, "that leaves a decaying aftertaste that plagues my mouth." In my opinion, I think that this line dilutes the final sentence; the final sentence would have so much more impact without this line, if that makes sense. So that all the emphasis on rot is just in that last line. Could you change these two lines to something else? Maybe a line about stickiness rather than decay? Of course, this is just my opinion and other readers may feel differently.

Wonderful poem! I am going to put it on my favourites! :D
11/2/2015 c1 19pastryninja
I like how you played with the cliche of comparing love to sugar by also pointing out the negatives of sugar. We have to remember that too much sugar will harm us and "make our insides rot." Great descriptions here.
11/2/2015 c1 4Heart of Sorrow
Amazing! You are a true perfectionist with the lines of your poems!

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