Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Curious Happenings That Changed It All

7/17/2017 c11 43NinjaStoryteller
Interesting epilogue on the ending. Glad to see this come to completion for now. :) You did a really good job on the story and I'm glad to have checked it out. I think I've sort off mentioned before, but some of the imagery of this story is stuck in my mind for good, like it created an impression that doesn't forget. I hope that one of my stories does the same for someone down the line. :)
4/23/2017 c10 The Gunning Twin
As usual a very good chapter. Keep up the good work!
11/21/2016 c1 Ruby
Uh...my biggest complaint is that I'm so caught up in trying to decipher the names that I've completely missed just about everything that's happened. In any story, stick to simple names that your readers can actually pronounce without tripping over six times. It doesn't have to be hopelessly complicated to be obviously foreign or strange. Examples: Ziva (NCIS). Spock (Star Trek). Nyota (Star Trek). Wong (Doctor Strange). Aelin (Throne of Glass series). Lysandra (Throne of Glass series). Severus (Harry Potter). Seraphina (Seraphina (that's the actual title of the book)). All of these are fairly easily figured out for English-speakers like you and I.

Secondly, 'atlast' is two words: at last. 'Some thing' is one word: something. The only exception is in dialogue when the character is trying to come up with a word but fails and resorts to 'thing': "There was some.../thing/ that attacked us, sir."

Thirdly (although I'm not entirely certain if that is, in fact, a word), the dramatization, in my opinion, is not fun to read. This may be rated K and your language reflects that, but the topics do not. (Definition of K ratings: Suitable for more mature children, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. Hint: decapitation is /not/ minor action violence without serious injury. Strong recommendation: bump the rating up to M. Definition of M ratings: Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language. Decapitation is stretching the 'some violence' part of it, but okay.)

Fourth of all, a recommendation: DESCRIPTION, DESCRIPTION, DESCRIPTION. I was a bit sidetracked by the names, but I didn't see very many adjectives or even some descriptive nouns. Where do they live? An opulent palace? The barn floor? At one point, they're in rooms. Describe the rooms. Are there tapestries hanging on the walls? What do the walls look like? Are they painted gold? Are they rough stone? I saw the word 'beautiful' a lot, but that's not very helpful in painting an image. How is he/she/it/they beautiful? Are their facial features rounded or sharp? Does he/she/it have a strong jawline and prominent cheekbones or an oval face with plump cheeks? In my mind, I see these people as darkly colored: straight, raven black hair with tanned skin and volcanic black eyes. Is that right? Or are they a fair people: blond and blue eyed, mountainous creatures?

I'm honestly reluctant to continue. I don't want to come across as flaming.
11/6/2016 c10 NinjaStoryteller
I like this chapter a lot, there was a great adventurous feel to it. :) I really like the little flashbacks into the character's minds that you incorporate too, it makes them feel a lot more alive. Overall, it's still getting better and better!
9/10/2016 c9 Guest
Ekhaneii tooh ache bakii chapters .I will read it from here.I read this 9th had missed d 8th I will tuii toh bhaloii to praise fr dat?!
9/10/2016 c9 NinjaStoryteller
Really good as usual, and looking forward to more on these amulets. The pov shifts were a little awkward in this chapter... or maybe it was just how it starts in the 3rd person and things get repeated a bit. Still, it always surprises me how easily I get sucked into this story to the point where I can picture everything. :)
9/10/2016 c9 The Gunning Twin
Another good chapter! If I may suggest it, try changing the genre to supernatural/adventure, and try giving corresponding English names for the patently Indian words. For example, the flower Parijat could be referenced to as Parijat, the Night Jasmine. That way, your story will not exclude non-Indian readership.

Cheers

Harmonious Cannons/ The Gunning Twin
8/13/2016 c8 darkrose012
The story is very well written and is a good story. please update soon.
8/9/2016 c8 NinjaStoryteller
Happy to see another chapter in this. :) Heh, curious about the gift too. Anyone who takes the time to read this is lucky; your writing style has a way of bringing things to life. Btw, sorry I haven't posted in quite a while... most of my creative time has been used on making a video game in my rpg maker program, but I plan on getting back to it soon.
8/9/2016 c8 The Gunning Twin
What a situation! Of course, they got off pretty lightly, I am sure that similar circumstances would have seen most others skinned... Nice update
5/30/2016 c7 NinjaStoryteller
Awesome read as always! I think the only thing that I can really say here, is that things are getting interesting, and I like how you're taking it there.
4/23/2016 c4 NinjaStoryteller
Finished chapter 4 now, and this is getting really immersive. Gotta love that weapon too. :) Thanks for sharing!
4/17/2016 c4 The Gunning Twin
An very engaging story! Kudos, mate!
2/13/2016 c1 mbabaoye
Interesting stuff. Definately reminds me a little of my own latest story, but this one goes in a totally different direction. Strong english skills :)
2/11/2016 c3 souloflight
well i like this one.. especially the way you described the whole temple part..overall it was compact nice and very well presented
waiting for the next chapter
all the best :)
24 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service