for The Ecstasy of Gods4/24/2018 c1 
157LeagionFear
That is super cool, like a stream of conciseness... Usually I would berate you on the lack of description, but this scene and the characters within require the bland and sterile world you have built. In the end, the focus on dialogue is the perfect back drop to this odd persons view of the world. An interesting choice, to kill off the main character, will the story be continued? I am reminded of Fahrenheit 451 with the warped view of the world from the speakers perspective.
I like it. *tips hat*
157LeagionFearThat is super cool, like a stream of conciseness... Usually I would berate you on the lack of description, but this scene and the characters within require the bland and sterile world you have built. In the end, the focus on dialogue is the perfect back drop to this odd persons view of the world. An interesting choice, to kill off the main character, will the story be continued? I am reminded of Fahrenheit 451 with the warped view of the world from the speakers perspective.
I like it. *tips hat*
12/20/2017 c1 32The Voice Of Silence
Wow. I've sat there looking at the rest of the world and thinking about how stupid people are, how trusting of the information that is fed to us. But when I tried to explain to them why it was wrong to NOT question the world around them, they just looked at me like I was crazy. Next time I will just show them this story, show them the written embodiment of the inevitable conclusion of blind obedience. Thank you, for giving words to what I could not.
32The Voice Of SilenceWow. I've sat there looking at the rest of the world and thinking about how stupid people are, how trusting of the information that is fed to us. But when I tried to explain to them why it was wrong to NOT question the world around them, they just looked at me like I was crazy. Next time I will just show them this story, show them the written embodiment of the inevitable conclusion of blind obedience. Thank you, for giving words to what I could not.
9/4/2016 c1 26Jane Glass
I love how mysterious, odd and open this story seems. It's different, how you don't describe the world around them more than you need to, but I like this better. How you don't mention gender, and how you give us almost nothing to help us assume what they look or sound like. It leaves my mind creating it's own images, in a way. I also really like the odd wording in this, the "Not-Person"s. Makes me wonder what sort of world these people live in, or where and why they act the way they do.
The meaning is really left to interruption, too, and the sad ending just adds to it. One thing I feel like a lot of people can get out of this is that mindlessly following others is reckless. Or at least, I got that much from it. Very unique, overall.
26Jane GlassI love how mysterious, odd and open this story seems. It's different, how you don't describe the world around them more than you need to, but I like this better. How you don't mention gender, and how you give us almost nothing to help us assume what they look or sound like. It leaves my mind creating it's own images, in a way. I also really like the odd wording in this, the "Not-Person"s. Makes me wonder what sort of world these people live in, or where and why they act the way they do.
The meaning is really left to interruption, too, and the sad ending just adds to it. One thing I feel like a lot of people can get out of this is that mindlessly following others is reckless. Or at least, I got that much from it. Very unique, overall.
6/8/2016 c1 1MatthewGillUCEF
Incredible! I love it, how you have made a very powerful story done almost entirely through conversation. I also like the whole concept of not knowing what words are and how we are seeing everything through the eyes of the killer. Weakness water in particular is a great term.
I think the main thing you could do to improve on this is to expand on this world further! I am curious to know more about this society.
Brilliant work!
Matthew
1MatthewGillUCEFIncredible! I love it, how you have made a very powerful story done almost entirely through conversation. I also like the whole concept of not knowing what words are and how we are seeing everything through the eyes of the killer. Weakness water in particular is a great term.
I think the main thing you could do to improve on this is to expand on this world further! I am curious to know more about this society.
Brilliant work!
Matthew
5/31/2016 c1 2LostCriesofTime
This is such a unique story!
I love the whole structure and content of this piece. Also terms such as "not-person" and "weakness water" were brilliant at showing the strangeness of the piece; highlighting the human condition (through fundamental human traits such as tears and creating the 'other' to exclude from the 'us') while giving the reader enough distance from such things, with the unfamiliar yet easily understandable terminology, to be able to see clearly what it was you were highlighting and why it was all so ridiculous.
Sorry, rambling a little.
In short I thought your story was really thought provoking and very well done, with the circular arguments and the blind following of something perceived as outside the protagonist's control. The last line was unexpected and added a whole new level of "wow" to the whole thing.
This definitely wasn't what I anticipated, from reading the title or summary, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
2LostCriesofTimeThis is such a unique story!
I love the whole structure and content of this piece. Also terms such as "not-person" and "weakness water" were brilliant at showing the strangeness of the piece; highlighting the human condition (through fundamental human traits such as tears and creating the 'other' to exclude from the 'us') while giving the reader enough distance from such things, with the unfamiliar yet easily understandable terminology, to be able to see clearly what it was you were highlighting and why it was all so ridiculous.
Sorry, rambling a little.
In short I thought your story was really thought provoking and very well done, with the circular arguments and the blind following of something perceived as outside the protagonist's control. The last line was unexpected and added a whole new level of "wow" to the whole thing.
This definitely wasn't what I anticipated, from reading the title or summary, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
5/13/2016 c1 4WhiteSand
Ooh I love this one. I think you could modify this scene and make it part of a longer sci-fi story, maybe one where people live in a very different society. He has to check the database! I love it.
4WhiteSandOoh I love this one. I think you could modify this scene and make it part of a longer sci-fi story, maybe one where people live in a very different society. He has to check the database! I love it.
5/6/2016 c1 8LorrahBear
I love how you broke up the segments. This was so simple, yet phenomenonal. Such a great job!
8LorrahBearI love how you broke up the segments. This was so simple, yet phenomenonal. Such a great job!
1/29/2016 c1 kumamon
I like how you wrote this piece - no names, no gender, no nothing. It's refreshing, and keeps me quite on the edge. This piece reflects cults, where they are force-fed information, and will brainlessly do as told. Quite ingenious, to be honest. The formatting is nice, too. It fits the overall theme of the story.
You used new and different terms while writing this, such as Not-Person and Weakness Water. I don't know what a Not-Person is, but I do know that Weakness Water are tears. But why won't the narrator refer to the Not-Person by their gender? Is it to create suspense? But you should cut down the caps, maybe italic them. Capitalizing words while writing seems very amateur, just a thought.
When the narrator starts having feelings, they're brainwashed into thinking that they're becoming a Not-Person and joins the ecstasy of gods. I don't know what that represents, is it self-destruction as the narrator finally breaks free from the brainwashing, and doesn't do as they're told? This is like a glimpse into the mind of a brainwashed cult member, it's refreshing as it's mostly anonymous and in metaphors. Or I might have over-analyzed. Hopefully not.
Overall, I like this story, besides the issue with the caps, this story is neat. I hope to hear more from you. Keep up the good work. Cheers!
I like how you wrote this piece - no names, no gender, no nothing. It's refreshing, and keeps me quite on the edge. This piece reflects cults, where they are force-fed information, and will brainlessly do as told. Quite ingenious, to be honest. The formatting is nice, too. It fits the overall theme of the story.
You used new and different terms while writing this, such as Not-Person and Weakness Water. I don't know what a Not-Person is, but I do know that Weakness Water are tears. But why won't the narrator refer to the Not-Person by their gender? Is it to create suspense? But you should cut down the caps, maybe italic them. Capitalizing words while writing seems very amateur, just a thought.
When the narrator starts having feelings, they're brainwashed into thinking that they're becoming a Not-Person and joins the ecstasy of gods. I don't know what that represents, is it self-destruction as the narrator finally breaks free from the brainwashing, and doesn't do as they're told? This is like a glimpse into the mind of a brainwashed cult member, it's refreshing as it's mostly anonymous and in metaphors. Or I might have over-analyzed. Hopefully not.
Overall, I like this story, besides the issue with the caps, this story is neat. I hope to hear more from you. Keep up the good work. Cheers!
11/25/2015 c1 20Ventracere
Hello hello from the roadhouse!
Alright, so this seems rather bare-bones. That said, your dialogue carries the piece and we have to rely on that in order to get an idea of what's going on. I think this may just be me, but it took me a while to get the idea that the protagonist isn't exactly human, considering the way they describe tears and the person in front of them. Another thing that I also liked was the fact that we were able to get the fact that this protag isn't necessarily human due to the fact of just how closely they need to follow the Database or whatnot.
However, I have a few things to nitpick. Since you don't have many dialogue tags, it does get hard to follow who is speaking and when. You don't need to have many, but some points, it would be nice to see the emotions during the conversation rather than just one long flow of dialogue. Another thing is that with the dialogue you're again, giving the readers the bare-bones of the piece. It's up to imagination - which isn't a bad thing. It just doesn't give us much to work on. Let us see into your world a little bit more, what the setting is, what the protag is feeling, etc.
Thanks for the read!
20VentracereHello hello from the roadhouse!
Alright, so this seems rather bare-bones. That said, your dialogue carries the piece and we have to rely on that in order to get an idea of what's going on. I think this may just be me, but it took me a while to get the idea that the protagonist isn't exactly human, considering the way they describe tears and the person in front of them. Another thing that I also liked was the fact that we were able to get the fact that this protag isn't necessarily human due to the fact of just how closely they need to follow the Database or whatnot.
However, I have a few things to nitpick. Since you don't have many dialogue tags, it does get hard to follow who is speaking and when. You don't need to have many, but some points, it would be nice to see the emotions during the conversation rather than just one long flow of dialogue. Another thing is that with the dialogue you're again, giving the readers the bare-bones of the piece. It's up to imagination - which isn't a bad thing. It just doesn't give us much to work on. Let us see into your world a little bit more, what the setting is, what the protag is feeling, etc.
Thanks for the read!
11/17/2015 c1 17Inactive But Here
I like this, it's very deep. I love what you did with the concept of God and how people mindlessly follow his commands even to death.
17Inactive But HereI like this, it's very deep. I love what you did with the concept of God and how people mindlessly follow his commands even to death.
11/17/2015 c1 19Ckh
Heyo, back from the roadhouse here: (and don't try to review me back. I need to write more chapters and my other stories are meh)
Nice style of writing you have going on in this short story of yours, really fitting for the kind of ambience you are trying to set up. There may be some sort of hidden message in the story, like those kind of "don't blindly follow/trust the rules" or "even the most trusted person can be untrustworthy", but its a nice little plotline (if you are call it that) you got going.
The "feel" of the horror/suspense theme really sticks out to me, though its not really emphasised much, you get the sensation that they are just passively there, not highlighted, not ignored, just freaking there. Good job on creating that "feel".
Overall, solid short piece of work as always.
Thanks for the read!
-Ckh
19CkhHeyo, back from the roadhouse here: (and don't try to review me back. I need to write more chapters and my other stories are meh)
Nice style of writing you have going on in this short story of yours, really fitting for the kind of ambience you are trying to set up. There may be some sort of hidden message in the story, like those kind of "don't blindly follow/trust the rules" or "even the most trusted person can be untrustworthy", but its a nice little plotline (if you are call it that) you got going.
The "feel" of the horror/suspense theme really sticks out to me, though its not really emphasised much, you get the sensation that they are just passively there, not highlighted, not ignored, just freaking there. Good job on creating that "feel".
Overall, solid short piece of work as always.
Thanks for the read!
-Ckh
11/16/2015 c1 Fib112358
An interesting look at how irrational fear and conformity can make us, with someone pointing out the absurdity of it. Unfortunately, self preservation prevents others from noticing.
Like the wording 'weakness water', it gives the story a real 1984 feel.
An interesting look at how irrational fear and conformity can make us, with someone pointing out the absurdity of it. Unfortunately, self preservation prevents others from noticing.
Like the wording 'weakness water', it gives the story a real 1984 feel.