for The Old King5/16/2016 c1 
8LorrahBear
What an interesting story! I really hope you continue; I am intrigued.
One suggestion: every once in a while it seems like there are perhaps a few too many commas. Maybe read the chapter outloud and ensure you need them all?
Nice job!
8LorrahBearWhat an interesting story! I really hope you continue; I am intrigued.
One suggestion: every once in a while it seems like there are perhaps a few too many commas. Maybe read the chapter outloud and ensure you need them all?
Nice job!