for The Old-Fashioned Way11/22/2015 c1 
1Tomoyuki Tanaka
Um, your synopsis starts off a little weird, Mr. Slowak is throwing a party for his 40th anniversary party for his wife Janice...why not just say Mr. Slowak is throwing a party for his 40th anniversary with his wife Janice? Who throws a party for a party?
The story itself is awesome! I didn't expect Janice to be the prey, though it wasn't that surprising. But it was kind of dumb Scott decided to crow about two months and how he got the last freak in one week instead of pulling the trigger immediately. But hey, characters always have to gloat, don't they? But it was fun, it was highly entertaining, and I like the setting! An alternate dimension, hi-tech nanotechnology and implants, particle weapons...cool!
And I wonder what the Scouring Department is like...
1Tomoyuki TanakaUm, your synopsis starts off a little weird, Mr. Slowak is throwing a party for his 40th anniversary party for his wife Janice...why not just say Mr. Slowak is throwing a party for his 40th anniversary with his wife Janice? Who throws a party for a party?
The story itself is awesome! I didn't expect Janice to be the prey, though it wasn't that surprising. But it was kind of dumb Scott decided to crow about two months and how he got the last freak in one week instead of pulling the trigger immediately. But hey, characters always have to gloat, don't they? But it was fun, it was highly entertaining, and I like the setting! An alternate dimension, hi-tech nanotechnology and implants, particle weapons...cool!
And I wonder what the Scouring Department is like...