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for Don't Stop Believing

12/28/2015 c1 1NShizzle
Your story which is good, but one thing bugged me. The way you worded one needs to be changed. "Her brother, who was perfectly normal, got a mental sickness and Ashley tried, so hard she tried, but he still went ahead and killed himself." (Also, you need to correct 'tired' in your context to tried)
Here is my suggestion, is that you change it to something similar to this:
Her brother, who was perfectly normal, obtained a mental sickness from which he wasn't to recover. Ashley tried, so hard she tried, but he still ended up killing himself

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