3/15/2016 c1 82Solemn Coyote
I like this.
"foot stool" feels like it should be one word.
For such a short piece, the poem feels like it sidetracks a lot from its central image: the embedded snake. It does pull it back in, making for a satisfying close, but the cats, wolves, and sheep didn't feel like they strengthened the imagery any.
I do really dig the concept, that wanting someone intensely and them reciprocating makes them dangerous in a way that they weren't before. However, I also think the snake metaphor could also be explored further without becoming tired.
I like this.
"foot stool" feels like it should be one word.
For such a short piece, the poem feels like it sidetracks a lot from its central image: the embedded snake. It does pull it back in, making for a satisfying close, but the cats, wolves, and sheep didn't feel like they strengthened the imagery any.
I do really dig the concept, that wanting someone intensely and them reciprocating makes them dangerous in a way that they weren't before. However, I also think the snake metaphor could also be explored further without becoming tired.
3/12/2016 c1 LittleDeadFly
On your profile, you listed a link for readers to follow. FictionPress and FanFiction have this weird filter where any links you write get replaced with a link to your profile if they don't link to stories on their sites. Make sure to write out the link on your profile to avoid it getting replaced.
Other than that, really beautiful poetry! I'm rather poor when it comes to critiquing poetry, but I like how it's worded so far and have no problems following along :)
On your profile, you listed a link for readers to follow. FictionPress and FanFiction have this weird filter where any links you write get replaced with a link to your profile if they don't link to stories on their sites. Make sure to write out the link on your profile to avoid it getting replaced.
Other than that, really beautiful poetry! I'm rather poor when it comes to critiquing poetry, but I like how it's worded so far and have no problems following along :)